10 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Don’t Do

Are you an emotionally intelligent leader? No worries if you con't answer right away, keep reading to find out.

We often hear that emotional intelligence (EQ) is one of the greatest predictors of success. But what does it actually look like in real life? More importantly, what should we avoid doing to boost our EQ? Spoiler alert: It’s less about being “nice” all the time and more about building awareness, managing emotions, and taking control of your own happiness.

Last night, I was listening to 101 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think by Brianna West, and I thought I’d share the chapter where she talks about the 10 things emotionally intelligent people don’t do. I believe it might be an easy way to gauge your personal EQ level without taking an EQ test. Read on and put a mental tick ?? next to the items you don't do.

Here are 10 things emotionally intelligent people avoid doing:

1. They don't assume their emotions reflect reality – Emotionally intelligent people understand their feelings are just responses, not an accurate reflection of what's happening around them. They are aware that emotions can cloud judgment.

2. They don’t rely on external validation for happiness – They know that emotions stem from within and are not dependent on others to fix or soothe them.

3. They don't believe fear is a sign to stop – Instead of interpreting fear as a sign to retreat, they see it as a signal they're on the verge of growth. The presence of indifference is the sign you are on the wrong path.

4. They avoid making impulsive decisions based on emotions – Emotional intelligence allows them to balance logic with feelings when making decisions.

5. They don't avoid difficult conversations – They understand that open communication, even when uncomfortable, is necessary for resolving issues. They don't hold grudges, rather than carrying the emotional weight of a grudge, they forgive and move on for their own peace of mind.

6. They know that happiness is a choice but they don't feel the need to make it all the time - They allow themselves time to process everything they are experiencing, they allow themselves to exist in their natural state.

7. They don't allow their thoughts to be chosen for them – They regularly reflect on their beliefs to ensure they are not simply adopting someone else’s views.

8. They don’t confuse a bad feeling with a bad life – They understand that negative emotions are fleeting and don't let temporary feelings color their entire outlook. Emotionally intelligent people allow themselves bad days.

9. They don't just become close friends with anyone – They recognize that true trust and intimacy is something you build overtime. But they are not guarded or closed as they are simply mindful of who they allow into their lives and hearts. They are kind to all but truly open to few.

10. They don’t take things personally – They can handle criticism and differing opinions without letting it diminish their sense of self-worth.

Developing these skills is key to becoming a more impactful leader and drive success in your organization.

Strong EQ enables leaders to build trust, communicate effectively, and make decisions that foster positive team dynamics and success. It's not just about managing your own emotions but also understanding and influencing others.

How can you improve your EQ?

For me, it involved a combination of reading, professional coaching, and therapy for personal growth.

Everything you gain from personal development books is amplified tenfold during a coaching session. Coaching helps leaders become more self-aware, enhance their empathy, and make thoughtful, intentional choices that inspire others. If you're ready to elevate your leadership and EQ, book a free 30-minute coaching session with me, and I’ll help you identify your areas for growth.