The 10 Things They Didn’t Tell You About: Courage

There are certain traits we all admire in one another. Things like beauty, intelligence, charity, intention, and of course, courage. Where we get these things can be split into two piles: what we got from our parents, and what we learned in life. Courage doesn’t come to you as a particle of DNA, it’s a collection of experiences you’ve lived.

Webster says courage is, “Mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.” Perhaps a more succinct definition is, “Courage is the ability to stick when you want to quit”.

Courage is also like a thumbprint – each of us leaves our mark on the world in a different way. When it comes to courage, there is no right way or wrong way, only your way. You should think about your score on courage from time to time so today I present you a list of 10 characteristics of courage. Use these to test your beliefs about courage and adjust as needed.

1. Patience. Patience is an investment that costs nothing and can change everything. Patience isn’t the antonym of courage; it’s the center of courage.

2. Speak your feelings. Courage lives in many shapes. One shape is vulnerability. Speaking your feelings is an act of vulnerability. To be vulnerable requires perhaps the highest hallmark of courage: the ability to face personal rejection.

3. Have empathy. One of the most powerful relational tools you can ever acquire is to “put yourself in the other man’s shoes”. This isn’t sympathy, it’s empathy. If the first requirement of courage is your patience and the second is to speak your feelings, then the third is to be open to get inside of the other person’s beliefs, attitudes, judgements and truths. Regardless of your own.

4. Embrace uncertainty. Control is a condition that all humans require to maintain emotional and mental homeostasis. Uncertainty is the absence of control, but being open to uncertainty is the only way to be open to possibility, which is by definition uncertain. And that’s kind of exciting.

5. Be a contrarian. It takes courage to go against the crowd – especially when that crowd is a group of disciples or apparatchiks. The group wants to maintain a sense of “group think” – that’s why it’s a group. The contrarian disrupts all of that. Contrarianism is uncomfortable for some, upsetting to others, and pure courage on the part of those who are brave enough to risk it.

6. Know yourself. Self-awareness and self-actualization aren’t for everyone, but they should be. Most people spend a lifetime in search of money, love, and fame only to find unhappiness in their pot. Knowing yourself will allow you to make the right decisions that prioritize your happiness, pursue fulfillment, and find connection to what you believe.

7. Ask for help. There’s a kind of joke in modern life that men don’t ask for directions. Maybe yes and maybe no. While machismo has its place, it requires ego. Asking for help is the death of ego. And yet, asking for help is the only way you will leverage the power of those around you to create, gain, and grow in ways you will simply never be able to do otherwise.

8. Boundaries. Look at any dysfunctional, toxic, and/or broken relationship in the world, and chances are what you won’t see are boundaries. Boundaries are the lines we draw so people don’t do or say things that invade our space inappropriately. If you have no boundaries, you’ll probably get walked on. But there is one thing worse and that is announcing your boundaries and then letting others cross them.

9. Don’t quit. Perseverance is a part of the bag of tricks of courage. Self-talk is the biggest barometer of perseverance. Those who have it get it, and those who don’t never will.

10. Self-preservation. As they say before takeoff, “Put on your mask first, then help the person next to you.” It’s simple advice, and yet, many of us do the opposite. It takes courage (and common sense) to take care of yourself before taking care of others. This isn’t cowardess or arrogance, and it’s not selfishness egocentrism. It’s the understanding that if you discombobulate, nothing else really matters – including courage.

Good luck and have a good week.

Joe Still

2025.02.23

Cite: “Don’t be trapped by dogma or let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.” – Steve Jobs