The 10 things ALL hotels should have (and very few do…)

In the early stages of my career, I would look at those who travelled a lot for work with some envy. The idea of regularly staying in hotels was something I always associated with luxury, indulgence, huge expense accounts and being part of the executive jet-set, swanning from one marble staircase to the next.

Nowadays, the reality is somewhat different. Unless you pay significant sums of money, the thought of another bland, soulless, love-deprived hotel room certainly doesn’t set the butterflies going any more.

The hotels most companies expect their employees to stay at are often insalubrious, to say the least. Miserly per-night corporate budget limits prevent anything remotely resembling marble staircases. However there are certain things that ALL hotels can do to alleviate the doom slightly.

Here are 10 things I believe every hotel should have, regardless of the room prices and star ratings.

1. Dependable, free Wi-Fi.

Wireless internet should no longer be regarded as an optional extra, it’s as much of a basic requirement for hotel rooms these days as hot water and towels. It should also be free of charge. If you must, please just factor it into the room rate so we don’t notice, but don’t charge us extra to get online because you only make our blood boil.

Please also make sure the bandwidth you are offering can handle the maximum amount of guests your hotel can accommodate. There is only one thing more irritating than no Wi-Fi and that’s bad Wi-Fi. And finally, please also make it available in the rooms too. Free Wi-Fi that you can only get in the lobby area is like offering free food but only in the garage

2. Sympathetic catering for singletons. 

Those of us who travel for work often do so alone. Your restaurant tables cater amply for 2s, 4s and 6s but why not have a think about what you can do for us singletons? Make us solo travellers a priority and come up with innovative ways for us not to feel quite as unloved while we eat. Set up a counter or bar where we can perhaps enjoy the nice view, if there is one, or watch the world go by or “survey our kingdom” inside if not.

Perhaps you could also consider helping bring together those who prefer company. Get customers to enter their details or leave their business card at reception and the hotel could, where possible, buddy them up with someone from their industry or local area for dinner.

3. A minibar at prices that don’t make our eyes water.

Why is that hotels feel they can charge you twice the amount to drink a beer in your room than you’d pay in the bar? Business people often need peace and quiet, they shouldn’t be charged what is basically a room tax for drinks in it. Charge us normal prices and, guess what, those mini-bars might actually get used.

 4. Fresh milk.

Now you’ve got that mini-bar up and running, give us a little jug of fresh semi-skimmed for tea each day, would you? I don’t know of a single person in the entire world who likes their tea with warm UHT milk cartons.

5. Clean fluffy towels (ideally large enough to envelop a standard human body). 

Ever used a small piece of sandpaper to dry yourself after a shower? There are places where that sort of thing might be considered fun – business hotels are not that place.

6. Decent sized juice glasses at breakfast

A good night’s sleep normally means we haven’t eaten or drunk anything in several hours. That means we’re often thirsty at breakfast – all the more so if we’ve been bulking up your booze profits the night before. So, please. What’s with the thimble-sized juice glasses? Is that what you guys drink out of at home? No, I didn’t think so. You throw back your OJ from a nice, big hi-ball. Come on, we miss our loved ones. Make us feel at home.

7. Electricity sockets by the bed 

Generally speaking, people use mobile phones quite a lot these days. They also use them as their alarm clock. Which means they probably need to be charged overnight. Putting the one single socket that you’re not using for TVs and lights right over the other side of the room from the bed sends the message you don’t want us using your electricity to charge our mobile devices. Which makes us feel you don’t want us staying in your hotel.

8. Butter at a temperature that doesn’t make it stick to your fingers when you pick it up. 

You know the way you put your portions of butter in the cryogenic freezer before serving to the public? Please don’t because, funnily enough, it’s really hard to spread on bread.

9. Free water

Is it too much to ask for a free bottle of water in my room each day? I can buy a whole pallet of 500ml water bottles for ￡420 from this website right now. At that price, it would cost you under 21 pence per bottle but, in return, you would have every guest’s enormous gratitude. Good deal, no?

10. Effective sound-proofing

I know this is probably the most expensive thing on the list but, seriously, I would never return, by choice, to a hotel where I knew I would be able to hear everything from next door. Everything means everything by the way. I’ve heard stuff I can’t even begin to think about now.

So, that’s it. Would this represent hotel nirvana? What else do you think every hotel should have? Bear in mind, we’re talking EVERY hotel now. You can’t really expect heated mirrors and matching bath robes in a Travelodge just off the A1.