10 Steps to Building and Fixing Your Relationship

The Definitive Relationship Guide: 10 Steps to a Stronger Bond

Fresh off a European tour, amidst the historic streets and picturesque landscapes, I've had some eye-opening conversations with old friends in their 30s and 40s. The verdict is in: relationships are in a state of emergency. But fear not, I've got the brutal, no-nonsense guide to forging unbreakable bonds. Buckle up; it's going to be a wild ride. (This are my opinions- take it or leave it but

Relationships are the bedrock of our existence, and yet, in today's fast-paced world, they're often the first thing we neglect. Here's a no-nonsense guide to fortifying your relationship, backed by science.

1. Make Your Partner a Damn Priority: Remember those days in our 20s when love was fresh? Fast forward to now, and for many, that fiery passion has fizzled out. If you're not willing to invest time and effort into your relationship, then what's the point? Be upfront, be honest, and stop wasting everyone's time.

Prioritizing your partner has been linked to higher relationship satisfaction. Studies have shown that couples who prioritize each other have more fulfilling relationships[^1^].

2. Sort Your Shit Out: Stop using "I'm too busy" as an excuse. You're not. Streamline your life, cut out the time-wasters, and become someone your partner can genuinely admire. Become the inspiration, not the anchor.

Organized individuals tend to have lower cortisol levels, indicating reduced stress, which can positively impact relationships[^2^].

3. Prioritize Yourself: Your health isn't a luxury; it's a necessity. From your diet to your sleep patterns, everything counts. If you're not taking care of yourself, you're on a one-way ticket to Loserville.

- Evidence: Regular self-care routines have been clinically proven to improve cognitive function and mood regulation[^5^].

4. Mental Health Isn't Optional: We all want to be surrounded by happy people. If you're constantly pissed off or down in the dumps, who would want to be around you? Get professional help if needed and optimize your mental state.

- Evidence: Positive mental health and well-being lead to better relationship outcomes and overall life satisfaction[^3^].

5. Kick Your Addictions to the Curb: Ditch at least two of your vices and replace them with healthier alternatives. Instead of wasting hours on mindless shows, tune into educational content like the Huberman podcast.

- Evidence: Addiction can strain relationships, leading to decreased trust and increased conflict[^4^].

6. Schedule Intimacy: Setting aside dedicated time for connection, touch, and intimacy can be a game-changer. Life gets in the way, but by scheduling it, you ensure that you and your partner remain connected. No more excuses.

- Evidence: Regular intimate connection strengthens emotional bonds and increases relationship satisfaction[^1^].

7. Over-Connect: Frequent hugs, kisses, and genuine compliments can keep the spark alive. It's the small gestures that count.

- Evidence: Physical touch releases oxytocin, the "love hormone", which strengthens emotional bonds[^1^].

8. Communication Isn't Optional: Growth is vital in relationships, and the only way to grow together is to communicate. Stop expecting your partner to be a mind reader. Be clear, be honest, and most importantly, be open to change.

- Evidence: Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, preventing misunderstandings and fostering trust[^1^].

9. Reflect and Engage: Be an active participant in their life and happiness. Don't just exist; thrive and contribute.

- Evidence: Self-reflection and self-improvement can lead to a deeper understanding of oneself, which can enhance relationship dynamics[^3^].

10. Ditch the Excuses: Life's tough; we get it. But whining won't get you anywhere. Start creating memorable experiences. No one wants to be with a grumpy old man, so elevate your game now!

- Evidence: Taking responsibility for one's actions and striving for personal growth can lead to increased respect and admiration from one's partner[^2^].

Relationships in this Age

In this age of boundless opportunities and distractions, maintaining a relationship is a Herculean task. But here's the thing: if things go south, the fallout is massive. So, for the love of all things sacred, make an effort. Don't be that lazy slob who lets love slip through their fingers.

Stay passionate, stay committed, and for heaven's sake, put in the work.

In today's digital age, the dynamics of relationships have been dramatically altered by the omnipresence of social media. The ease of connecting with someone new, the allure of the next swipe, and the diminishing societal stigma associated with ending relationships have reshaped our commitment landscapes. This might seem like a grim reality, but in truth, it's a wake-up call. The silver lining? The onus is now squarely on you. Gone are the days when complacency could hide behind societal norms. If you're not actively contributing to your partner's happiness and fulfillment, the relationship could combust in a whirlwind of infidelity, bitter disputes, and heartbreak. Historically, humans have been reactive creatures, often waiting for things to fall apart before taking action. But when it comes to relationships—where our emotional, mental, and physical well-being is intertwined—we can't afford such passivity. The call of the hour is to be proactive, to nurture our best selves daily, and to ensure our bonds remain unbroken in this ever-evolving world.

Best wishes and warm regards,

Heading to Sri Lanka Next

Please share your thoughts and share this article!

Julien Uhlig

[email protected]

[^1^]: [Journal of Social and Personal Relationships](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/342956198_Romantic_attachment_unforgiveness_and_relationship_satisfaction_in_couples_A_dyadic_mediation_analysis)

[^2^]: [Psychological Science on Organized Individuals](https://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/burnout-and-the-brain)

[^3^]: [American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine](https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/2022/03/how-and-why-to-practice-self-care/)

[^4^]: [National Institute on Drug Abuse](https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/principles-drug-addiction-treatment-research-based-guide-third-edition/frequently-asked-questions/how-can-drug-addiction-affect-families)

[^5^]: [Mental Health First Aid on Self-Care](https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/2022/03/how-and-why-to-practice-self-care/)