10 Signs of Your Twin Flame

I first suspected that I had chosen the wrong partner when Pam hurled my BlackBerry across the room, shattering the screen on our metal bed frame. Seconds later—when she crossed to the kitchen, poured and chugged a glass of spiced rum, then smashed the bottle to the ground—she had me convinced. I was in the wrong relationship.

Our mismatch was obvious not just to our friends and family but even to us. Still, we loved each other too much to let go. Although love is the No. 1 prerequisite for a fruitful partnership, four years together helped me realize that love is not “all you need.” Despite our crazy love, our differences were killing us.

I regret nothing about my time with Pam and we stayed on good terms, but now that I’m in a thrilling marriage based on a solid foundation, I’ve learned that there are some fundamental traits—non-negotiables—that make for a healthy love match. Let’s dive in and start learning from my lifetime of hilarious missteps and lucky breaks.

What to Look for in a Partner

“Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them.” Sydney Smith

Pam and I lived on the fence between joy and misery throughout our four years together. Our values didn’t line up, and we clashed on religion, kids, where to live, how to spend money and whose turn it was to buy wine.

When we parted, I resolved that in my next relationship I would find all the things that were missing and set some non-negotiables. My new wife and I still have our challenges, but I realized that these things make her a perfect partner in my eyes:

Shared values

Are yours in line with your partner’s? If treating others with kindness is important to you, but your partner is constantly trash-talking people, this is a burning red flag. My wife and I actually sat down and wrote out our “relationship values,” a list of qualities we both wanted to manifest, daily. Take the time to have the big conversations about your life philosophies and goals, but leave space to disagree on things that don’t matter.

Shared interests

Your hobbies don’t need to match perfectly, but if you share little to nothing in common with your mate, what will sustain this relationship when the honeymoon phase is over? Doing things you enjoy together can create excitement and help you through the tough times. My wife talked about books on our first date, and for a word fanatic like me, I nearly proposed on the spot. If you struggle to list your common passions, don’t fret. You can start something new together: lawn darts, rescue diving, skeet shooting. You pick.

Honesty

What’s the best way to spot a partner who’ll bring you a lifetime of grief? They lie. Lying points to low self-esteem, an ego out of control or sociopathic tendencies. Healthy relationships can’t survive without trust, and lying destroys it. Think your partner only lies to others but not you? Maybe, but would you bet your next 30 years on it? Full honesty from your partner lets you know you are respected, valued and that she has the guts to address the challenges in your relationship head on, instead of letting problems fester.

Independence

When you first meet that perfect person, you want to spend every minute with them, all the time, forever and ever, amen. Don’t do it! Your partner fell in love with the interesting, complex human that you are. When we spend every possible minute with our partner, we lose our independence, and frankly become a snooze. We repeat the same familiar stories, get into mundane routines and bring no new energy. Maintain a life outside your relationship and you’ll keep it electric.

FUN!

What’s the point of sharing your life with someone if they don’t add joy and excitement to it? When I met my now wife five years ago, we both noticed how free and light it was, being together. There was much falling-down-laughing. We loved our adventures and became best friends. If you’re having fun, this is a clear sign that you’ve chosen well.

Read More: How to Have a Happy Relationship

Change Yourself Before You Change Your Lover

“The so-called ‘meaning of life’ opened up before me. It turned out to be infinitely simple—give love and seek no reward.”

—Andrei Gavrilov

Being choosy about a mate is important, but the best way to attract that special guy or girl is to work on yourself first. The dating world is full of people with long, inflexible lists of must-haves, who are ready to nix an opportunity because someone mispronounced “niche” but who are themselves no great prize. Yep, I said it!

Here are some traits you can cultivate before telling yourself there are no good men or women out there:

Patience

After planning a wedding for six months, my wife and I decided to renovate our house, stage it, rent it out, then move all of our furniture, quit our jobs, pack and drive to Mexico for six months, all while running a business. Stressful does not begin to describe my burden. For a while, it was easy to lose my cool, but I’ve been working hard to mindfully pause before I speak, even for five seconds. When I do, I can almost always avoid a pointless conflict.

The ability to let go

My ex-partner and I would constantly pull fight themes from the same box of grievances. “Remember when you said this?” or “failed to do that?” The grievances were legitimate, but rehashing them only fuelled resentment. When I met my wife, I noticed how easily she moved past dumb things I did. I tried her approach, too, and found that letting go of past hurts is liberating—and can make your partner fall in love with you even more. Try it out.

Generosity

When I asked my uncle Rob, who’s been married to my aunt for around 20 years, what’s the secret of a great relationship, he told me, “Be more generous than you need to be.” Sure, it may not be your turn to wash the dishes or feed the fish, or maybe you feel you don’t need to be rational because she’s not. But if you invest more kindness into the relationship than what seems fair, you’ll score massive love points.

Self-respect

You teach people how to treat you (thanks, Oprah). In my last relationship, I tolerated inappropriate flirting and let my voice get smothered. Sacrificing who you are for another is great fertilizer for resentment. Single again, I rebuilt my self-image and set minimum standards for how I would be treated in my next relationship. When you finally love yourself like you should, you’ll get the love you want from others.

Trust

If you’ve been in a relationship, chances are you’re no stranger to pain. Love is joy until your partner disappoints your ego. It only takes one sting to make you gun-shy. If you’ve been stung lots, it’s easy to stop trusting. Take time to heal, but get over that fast, and realize that your new relationship is not the old one. Your new partner deserves your full trust; it’s the only way you can truly love each other.

How to know Someone is your Love Match

Some people think of a twin flame as their ultimate soulmate, while others believe we have many different soulmates. No matter your stance on love, meeting someone you connect with on a deep level can turn your world upside down.

You feel totally alive and full of passion when you meet someone who seems to understand you on every level. When you finally come in contact with your twin flame, nothing else seems to matter and the problems you face just melt away.

Meeting your twin flame feels like seeing a very old friend once again; their soul will feel so familiar to you. It will feel like picking back up where you left off, and you will never grow tired of being around them. If you don’t know for sure if someone is your twin flame, read on to find out.

Top 10 signs you’ve found your twin flame:

“Our souls speak a language that is beyond human understanding. A connection so rare the universe won’t let us part.” ? Nikki Rowe

The connection you feel with them is unlike anything you’ve ever felt before.

You will feel perfectly balanced and aligned when you’re around them. Nothing seems awkward or forced; you simply enjoy spending time with them and feel totally relaxed. You don’t have to try to make conversation – it will just flow naturally. This type of connection doesn’t happen often because our energy on earth feels so heavy right now.

When you meet your twin flame, that dense energy will dissolve and you will feel a sense of clarity wash over you. It will feel like someone pierced your soul and looked into the depths of your being. While this might sound uncomfortable, it will feel the complete opposite.

You’ve had dreams or visions about meeting them before they appeared in real life.

If you’ve been having the same dream about meeting a mysterious person for some time now, it might mean you have actually met the person of your dreams in real life. While you might not be able to see their face in your dream, they will feel so familiar to you. In addition to dreams, you might see 11:11 on the clock more frequently (a sign of synchronicity) or hear a song playing on the radio more often. Pay attention to these signs from the universe, as this might mean you have crossed paths with your soulmate.

Ask him or her if they’ve been experiencing the same things; if they have, this is definitely a good sign.

You can recall memories of previous lives spent with this person.

Seeing your twin flame in person may feel like you have finally come home, and the sense of safety and understanding you feel will seem overwhelming. You both have vivid memories of being together before, and you can’t deny your soul connection with each other.

“Your heart and my heart are very, very old friends.” – Hafez

You seem like complete opposites, but you get along really well in spite of your differences.

Despite being polar opposites, you get along really well with your twin flame. This type of relationship exists in order to teach us things about ourselves, such as our strengths and weaknesses. The twin flame connection perfectly embodies the yin and yang energies, as each person complements one another very well.

However, research shows that compatibility doesn’t necessarily correlate with a lasting relationship. Dr. John Gottman, founder of The Gottman Institute in Seattle, said that personality compatibility doesn’t predict the length or success of a relationship very accurately. He said that “couples who focus their energy on building something meaningful together in their life (e.g. starting a business together) tend to last the longest. How a couple interacts is the single, most fundamental aspect to creating a successful relationship. Meaning, it’s not who you are or what you do that will prolong or help you find the perfect mate. It’s how you speak to each other, how well you get along, and how you move through time together.”

So, even if a twin flame relationship goes through rough patches, it’s the sheer willpower of both people that will keep the relationship alive. You have to choose that person over and over again in order to keep the connection intact.

You have a telepathic or psychic connection with your soulmate.

Because of your intense connection with your twin flame, you can instantly sense when something is wrong, even if they aren’t in the same room as you. For instance, if they got in a car accident, something in your gut will alert you and prompt you to get in touch with them. You can also sense their energy when it comes to your relationship. For example, if you got in a fight recently, you can tell if they start to distance themselves from you.

This profound connection you feel with them will cause both of you to feel pain and happiness at the same time quite frequently. You’ll ride the rollercoaster of life together and feel the bumps on a whole different level.

You might meet them when you’re both already in committed relationships or don’t feel ready for such a deep connection.

To enter into such a passionate, meaningful relationship, both people have to feel mentally, emotionally, and spiritually ready. Oftentimes, when people meet their twin flame, they aren’t at a point in their lives where they can commit to that person. They might already have a partner or just not feel ready for such an intense connection. One person may run from the other, attempting to guard their heart from the vulnerability they would feel with their twin flame.

You might meet them years later and feel better able to handle the connection with them. As you might know, love is all about timing, especially when it comes to this type of relationship. Both people have to become evolved versions of themselves so they can serve each other in the best way.

No matter what you go through in life, they stay by your side and continue to make you a better person.

Your twin flame will bring out the light in you and shield you from the darkness. They truly bring out the magic in you, and you will feel on top of the world. In a twin flame relationship, both people tend to have similar goals and visions that keep them together. For instance, maybe you want to open up an animal sanctuary together or buy a piece of land where you can grow your own food. No matter where life brings you, you know that with this person by your side, you can tap into your highest self and feel complete.

You function better in the presence of your soulmate.

Since your twin flame brings out the best in you, you tend to feel better with them around. Of course, you can still get through your days without them, but your personality and energy really come to life when they’re in your presence. If you have to spend a considerable time apart, it will feel even more unbearable than a “normal” relationship.

You feel like you have a better understanding of yourself when with them.

Your twin flame truly takes you to new heights and deepens your understanding of yourself. You may even feel like they know you better than you know yourself. Being with them feels like you have awakened from a deep sleep and finally know what it’s like to feel alive. Because you’ve met your match, you no longer feel disconnected or unhappy with yourself.

You feel like you finally understand what unconditional love feels like.

You just feel like you belong to your twin flame, as they help you expand your understanding of yourself and the world on a profound level. Despite their flaws and annoying habits, you love them even more. You can overlook these traits about them because of the unconditional love you have for them, and they return this sentiment right back.

It feels like there’s nothing in the world that the two of you can’t accomplish together. People give you compliments on your relationship all the time, and this further proves that you belong together. Others can see the love emanating from your souls, and being in your lover’s arms feels like paradise. You wouldn’t trade this relationship for anything in the world.

Watch Out for False Positives

Many situations look like love but sour after a while, often around the two-year mark. Why? Well, in the beginning, you’re drinking from the fire hose of hormonal bliss, and both sides are on their best behavior. These three things are often part of an astronomical relationship but don’t create one on their own:

1. Great intimacy

Who doesn’t love the physical stuff? A relationship without a healthy intimate connection can start to feel like a roommate situation, but even great one-on-one chemistry is a poor foundation for a long-term relationship.

Stars in your eyes

“Oh my God, I met this guy and he’s perfect, we talked for 17 hours last night and he just shares my vibe, ya know?” The getting-to-know-you phase is always magic. Everything your partner is and does is perfection, and he can do no wrong. There’s no reason not to enjoy it to the max, but just know that it’s not always like this. Eventually his whistling will cease to be cute. Don’t let infatuation blind you to his or her true character.

All check boxes ticked

She’s popular, successful, wealthy, the right religion/political party or some mix of the above. Great on paper doesn’t always translate into a love for the ages. Attraction doesn’t come from a list, and you should not be surprised to find out that your perfect-on-paper guy or girl doesn’t match up to someone you never saw coming.

Relationships grow and die for infinite reasons. Each one is its own unique journey, so don’t turn down potential adventures because you’re waiting for your one and only soul mate. It’s a sad Hollywood fantasy to think there’s only one person out there for you, anyway.

Having good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from making mistakes, so don’t be afraid to open your heart even if you find out one day you need to say goodbye. Go in with open eyes and leave the other person better than you found them. Life is an adventure, go love and live.

Source: https://www.hiwamag.com/relationships/how-to-find-my-perfect-love-match/