10 Signs Your Dealing with a Con Artist

Recently, I posted a video sharing my personal story about being conned out of a significant amount of money when I was in my 20s. In this article, I'll explain the playbook and signs I've identified from that experience and others that I use to spot a possible con artist.

Con artists purposely disorient and confuse their victims through grooming and manipulation. So how can you escape the cognitive dissonance and get clear on what's happening before it's too late?

Here are 10 signs I experienced in dealing with a con artist.

1. Assimilation - manipulators often will try to find common ground with their targets or victims. They will start by trying to find common ground on topics like sports, special interests, and hobbies. Then they will escalate to things like politics or worldview. Many will go even further, however. Con artists will actually change or adapt their personality to your mirror your personality by the way you speak, think, act or view things like politics. Subconsciously, this is a way to appeal to your ego, and start to disarm you.
2. Complimenting - Manipulators show admiration and stroke the ego of their targets. You might hear praise like "I'm your biggest fan", or "You don't have to convince me".. Con artists are agreeable, and use praise and compliments to open you up to questioning.
3. Curiosity/Questioning - Once they have appealed to your ego, the scammer will try to understand what's motivating you, driving your aspirations and thoughts so they can use this later to manipulate you. They will mask questioning in the form of admiration and curiosity but as you will eventually learn many small setups are being staged during this period.
4. OverSharing - If the con artist finds you are not forthcoming with information, they will often show vulnerability or overshare about personal misfortunes, struggles, or disappointments. This is done to disarm you. Everyone feels comfortable in different situations and they will continue to try different techniques like this to figure out where you feel comfortable sharing. Some cons will try to get you drunk and others will shed a tear but they will stop at nothing to disarm you and create a psychological and historical profile of you to weaponize later on.
5. Need - At some point in the relationship they will make a move to satisfy a need. They will often again use common ground by making you feel as if the need is shared in the form of a business opportunity. Now the need is usually tailored to your ego. If they find that you are someone who is driven or motivated by a certain success, they will design their need around that desire. If they find you are someone who enjoys helping others and is empathetic and caring, they might use a crisis.
6. Ask - The manipulator will eventually have to get to his or her ask. This is where things should start to feel a bit uncomfortable. The relationship is about to change. A friendship becomes a business partnership. A mentor becomes a victim and you find yourself in a unique position to help and uncomfortable saying no. Be aware, smart manipulators know to tread lightly. They will always ask for something small but meaningful. Enough to get you involved and hooked but not in deep waters.
7. Compromise - The manipulator through his questioning has also been learning and listening for weaknesses and compromise. They will try to get you to reveal something about yourself that you'd likely not want to be shared with anyone else. They will use this to then bind you to their ask if you start to pull back. The setup is usually done early on but revealed at this inflection point where you might be coming to your senses.
8. Gifts - The manipulator will often need to double down on their ask. These scam artists are always kicking the can down the road, avoiding someone they wronged before you and likely needing more and more money no matter how much they receive. Before they make a bigger ask, they usually will show generosity, success, or some sign of return on your investment. You will see it as a good indication you've made the right decision to trust this person. It's a cognitive bias that allows your brain to think that a small gift or success in one area will translate to the same in another.
9. The Double Down - The manipulator will eventually ask you to double down on his initial request. This is the most challenging position you will find yourself in. You feel as though you are halfway across a river and that if you don't continue to support this person you both drown. After all your money, time, and energy is now in the same boat as this individual. You will be reminded that without your help everyone loses.
10. Threats: The more pressure the perpetrator is under the more daring they will become and less patient. More pressure will be added onto you and the reinforcement techniques will shift from negative to positive. Instead of using admiration to gain your trust and initial investment they will shift to negative reinforcers. The con man might start using disappointment but won't stop at that. Don't be surprised if they subtly extort you emotionally by using a secret you may have shared earlier as a threat.

Getting out of this situation once so deep is very difficult. There are tales of con artists getting the game flipped on them but they usually don't end that way. Your best chance is early detection and at worst the willingness to cut your losses at any time to preserve your sanity.