10 Signs I am Experiencing Envy
Kinship#80

10 Signs I am Experiencing Envy

Why do we need to talk about envy?

The definition of envy is the angry feeling that another person possesses and enjoys something else desirable, often accompanied by an impulse to take it away or spoil it.

Two reason we need to talk about this in this space.

Firstly, it is the biggest thief of JOY and when our joy tank is empty it effects more than just our workplaces. Taking a significant toll on your physical and mental health.

The second reason is because it is closely connected to self sabotage , one of the ways we deliberately hinder our own success.?

Which often stops us asking for help and depletes drive or motivation, leaving us sad, anxious, and often disconnected from others.

By no means, do I EVER want to minimise some of the disparities and inequalities experienced by marginalised communities because they are very real!

Tori Bowie the US athlete recently died eight months pregnant, at the time of her death.

Maternal mortality for Black women is currently almost four times higher than for White women. Significant disparities also exist for women of Asian and mixed ethnicity. It's life threatening!

I think there is a heightened sense of envy or anger, when you are consistency treated unfairly or have to overcome challenges you did not create.

As a black women, I am often envious of colleagues, who complain and are taken seriously and when I say something similar it has to be justified. It's like I am not taken seriously, which enrages me!

This perhaps acts as a buffer or defence to lessen the impact on your self worth and confidence.


10 Signs I am Experiencing Envy

I think envy is a completely normal human response and we all experience it at times.?

If you reckon you haven't you are lying.....

So, don’t feel any shame or be alarmed if you tick off more than a few of these boxes;

  • Constantly comparing oneself to others and feeling inadequate
  • Feeling resentful or bitter towards others who have what one desires
  • Being excessively competitive and striving to outdo others
  • Engaging in gossip or spreading rumours to bring others down
  • Sabotaging others' success or happiness
  • Displaying passive-aggressive behaviour or making snide remarks
  • Experiencing feelings of anger or hostility towards those who are perceived as more successful or fortunate
  • Being unable to genuinely celebrate others' achievements
  • Engaging in materialistic or status-focused pursuits to compensate for feelings of envy
  • Isolating oneself socially or avoiding situations where others' success may trigger feelings of envy


What Next?

I think we need to acknowledge and name envy to reduce self sabotaging behaviours and minimise our chances of being derailed when under pressure.

Coping is what people do to reduce the stress caused by an adverse event or situation. But, we have to move beyond this because it is depleting our joy and is completely exhausting your energy.

If you want to show up more authentically or increase your impact across your spheres of influence. You have to create some space.....

I encourage you consider how envy shows up for you, skipping it will only keep you stuck in repetitive destructive behaviour patterns and deprive you of some of your greatest breakthroughs!

If you have been impacted by this please join Kinship this week to explore further. Please register?here ?


Self-identity & authenticity

In a thought-provoking talk, Steve Richards delves into the depths of self-identity and authenticity. He is an Anthropologist who helps Founders and their teams to understand and establish their identity and position through strategy, emotional intelligence & storytelling.

Bitesize weekly content! We hope you have enjoyed it. See you next week x

PS If you want to hang out.?Kinship is a Safe Space for Diverse Women. First Friday of every month. Allies are welcome!?Please register?here ?

Christine D. Fran?ois

Account Exec. & Community Manager-Benevolent Health, UK | Senior Regional Expansion Exec (Independent)-NEUMI LLC. | Corporate Communications & Marketing Exec.| Founder | Event Design & Management Professional

1 年

Great discussion Marteka Swaby ! I believe that when we can bare the truth of our feelings to first ourselves and then others we open pathways to understanding, support and healing that can gave far-reaching positive consequences at home, in the workplace and in communities.

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Dr Gifford Rhamie (PhD, FAETC)

Public Speaker | Executive Leadership Consultant (DEIB) and Intersectional Educator | Making Inclusion and belonging a lived reality | Pianist/musician | Board Member

1 年

Marteka Swaby, this piece is so needed. Thanks for raising the issue of envy. Wasn't Mandela who said, 'Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.' Keep up the good work! ????

Mahalia Sam-Clarke, MEd.

Science Teacher at Central Dauphin East Senior High School

1 年

It’s like saying love thy neighbor but people don’t understand the point in that. Why do this if the other person doesn’t understand why they should do it. Can we help others understand the value in love and kindness instead of being envy

Steve Richards

Personal Brand Strategist | Founder | TEDx Speaker | EQ Coach | Build Your Reputation, Earn Respect & Drive Growth | B Corp | Training, Strategy & Activation

1 年

Really interesting talking point Marteka Something that’s been in humans awareness from times of old, right? “Tho shalt not covet thy neighbours (X)” Cultivatatimg a spirit of gratitude, compassion and respect guides me to circumnavigate envy and anger (most of the time) That stat about maternal mortality is deeply disturbing ??

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