10 Signs Fear Is Controlling Your Life

1. You find yourself striving in vain for an impossible-to-achieve standard of perfection.

When you're afraid (of criticism, failure, and rejection), you'll kill yourself trying to be perfect. Of course, the mask of perfection also separates you from what you most want: real intimacy, to be known, loved, and accepted for your true self.

2. You settle.

When you're afraid to take risks and go for what you really want, you convince yourself that your less-than-juicy life — your relationships, your job. When fear runs the show, you forget how to dream. You compromise in the name of being "realistic." But settling isn't realism; it's a devastating symptom of the fear that what you hope is possible really isn't.

3. You say yes when you mean no.

When you're afraid to disappoint people or get rejected if you don't say yes, you'll fall into fear-based, people-pleasing, self-sacrificing behaviours that lead to resentment. But when fear is no longer running the show, you say no when it feels self-loving. As they say, "No" is a complete sentence. This doesn't mean you won't devote yourself to generosity and service. It means the service stems from a genuine love-based (rather than a fear-based) motivation.

4. You say no when you mean yes.

When you're afraid, you're unlikely to take risks. You'll feel the yearning to start your own business, go out with your dream girl, take that bucket list trip, have a baby, or take an art class. But you'll say no because you're afraid to fail, afraid to succeed, afraid to get rejected, afraid to stir things up, afraid to get out of your comfort zone. When you let fear cure you, you'll start letting your soul take the lead, taking leaps of faith and saying yes when you yearn to.

5. You numb yourself with alcohol, drugs, sex, television, or excessively keeping busy.

Fear causes inner pain, a soul sickness that can show up as depression, anxiety, restlessness, helplessness, hopelessness, frustration, sadness, loneliness, and fatigue. In order to avoid this inner pain, you engage in addictions and other numbing behaviours. This only puts a temporary Band-aid on the pain, while increasing feelings of low self-esteem that just increase the inner pain.

When you're not afraid to be quiet with yourself, to face your inner demons, to heal from the core, you'll no longer need alcohol, cigarettes, overeating, workaholism, painkillers, or other numbing distractions. You'll have the courage to do the transformative work that leads you to freedom on the other side of your journey.

6. You procrastinate.

When you're afraid of putting yourself in the arena because of fear of failure, success, uncertainty, judgment, criticism, or rejection, you'll tend to stand on the sidelines where you feel safer. When you face fear head on, motivation replaces procrastination. You're not "going for it" based on a fear-based need to "make it happen." Instead, the natural inclination toward love and service generates inspired action that pushes you toward that which wants to be born through you.

7. You get paralysed.

When you're afraid, you avoid making the decisions your soul knows you must make. Your intuition tells you it's time to leave that toxic relationship. Or quit that soul-sucking job. Or set boundaries with your mother. Or go to rehab. Or speak up about the integrity breaches at work. But you're terrified of the uncertainty.

What you'll discover on the other side of fear, though, is that uncertainty is the gateway to the possibility. When you don't know what the future holds, anything could happen.

8. You become a control freak.

When you're afraid, you feel the need to micromanage everything. You mistakenly think you live in a hostile, random universe that's out to get you unless you grab the wheel with both hands and steer your life toward what you want. You don't trust that it's a purposeful universe, that life is intelligent, that everything that happens helps you grow your soul, even if it's not what your ego wants.

When you make the journey from fear to faith, you trust that it's a friendly universe. Then you can relax. Surrender to the flow of life, accept what is, let go of the handle, and enjoy the exciting ride. That's when life gets really fun.

9. You muzzle yourself.

When fear is operating you, you'll avoid speaking up. You won't stand up for what you believe. You won't let your voice be heard when your integrity is being threatened. You won't tell people when they hurt your feelings. You'll be too afraid to ask for what you really want.

When you let love lead, you start respecting and appreciating the divine voice that flows through you, and you invite it to be heard. As a result, you'll attract those who resonate with your truth. You'll find your soul community.

10. You get sick.

Fear isn't just an uncomfortable emotion that holds you back from following your dreams. It also triggers stress responses in the body that put you at risk of disease and make it hard for the body to heal itself. Fearful people are more likely to get heart attacks, cancer, diabetes, autoimmune diseases, inflammatory disorders, chronic pain and even the common cold. They're also more likely to experience milder symptoms, such as insomnia, low energy, obesity, dizziness, headaches, backaches, decreased libido and gastrointestinal distress.

Want to know how to have the life you always desired but was too afraid to ask for?