10 Signs To Alert You Boundaries Have to be Applied

Sooooooo welcome to September monthly newsletter. I really am someone who works better under pressure. Rightly or wrongly it means I get sh*t done - but often steaming in on the final hour. So here's my two pence worth this month. - on a topic I feel UBER passionate about.

Boundaries - and knowing when to apply them......

Many people underestimate how boundaries need to be applied on a more casual basis as well as in more intense situations.

Whether the need for a boundary is professional or personal, here are 10 warning signs to stay alert to which suggest boundaries are most likely needed.?

1 . WHEN YOU LEAVE SOMEONE'S COMPANY YOU FEEL DEFLATED, DEPRESSED OR UNHAPPY.

Do they say things that you feel are cutting, hurtful, sarcastic or competitive with you?

Regardless if it was their intention or not - if this use of language leaves you feeling uncomfortable or upset then it needs to be addressed.

2 . YOU FEEL EXHAUSTED.

Does this person always have a drama, loves to gossip, or is one of life’s victims? In these situations, these people are sucking the energy out of you in a way that will only bring you down (esp if you’re a naturally high-vibed person).

3 . YOU FEEL DREAD OR ANXIETY AROUND A CERTAIN TOPIC OF CONVERSATION.

This isn't to suggest you avoid having meaningful important conversations - but is there a topic you’re tired of being brought up - e.g. your weight, health, money, career choices, how you raise your child(ren) etc?

These are examples of unsolicited advice or comments that you have the right to hold a boundary on.

4. YOU FEEL LIKE THE RELATIONSHIP IS IMBALANCED AND YOU GIVE MORE THAN YOU TAKE.

This isn't to suggest to stop being kind to others or to hold secret I-O-U’s with people you do acts of kindness for; but if you’re CONSISTENTLY giving more than taking then this will eventually burn you out.

N.B. This point does not include your children or a friend who’s going through an unusually difficult period of their life. This is targeted at people who have demonstrated this pattern for years.

? ?

5. YOU AGREE TO THINGS YOU SECRETLY BEGRUDGE DOING JUST TO KEEP THE PEACE.

This is basically people pleasing driven by the avoidance of being assertive - normally connected to the fear of conflict. Learning to know how to hold a boundary here means you will not secretly resent them - and you'll feel better within yourself for not doing the things you dont want to do.

6. WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE THEY EXPECT THEIR FEELINGS TO BE THE PRIORITY OVER YOUR OWN.

How can you be really close to someone who ‘consistently’ devalues your emotions over their own? No need to expand here. It speaks for itself.

7 . AFTER SPENDING TIME WITH THEM YOU LEAVE FEELING ABSOLUTELY DRAINED, NEGATIVE OR ANXIOUS.

This indicates that there is a massive imbalance of energy exchange. This can happen time to time if this person is having a particularly difficult period of their life - but when this is consistent in your relationship then you need to recognise it’s not healthy or balanced.

8 . YOU HAVE CONSIDERED MANY TIMES ABOUT TAKING A BREAK FROM THEM.

Sometimes you have to listen to your gut - they’re telling. If there are some people you can't wait to see and others you’re considering a break from - it’s normally because a boundary about 'something' is needed.

9 . YOU REGULARLY HAVE IMAGINARY CONVERSATIONS IN YOUR HEAD WHEN YOU’RE NOT WITH SOMEONE ABOUT WHAT YOU 'WISH YOU HAD SAID'.

This is your body's subtle way of letting you know - you need to hold a boundary with this thing - because these secret imaginary conversations are all the things you wish you were really saying in real life.

10 . ‘SELF BOUNDARIES’ - CHECK IN WITH YOURSELF WHEN YOU FEEL LOW VIBED DUE TO SOMETHING YOU HAVE OR HAVEN’T DONE.

Do you feel low vibed when you drink, eat junk food, get to bed too late, spend too long scrolling social media, buy things you don't need or regularly miss your routine exercise?

Sometimes boundaries are just as important to hold with ourselves. Ensure you’re making life choices that align you to being high vibed - not making decisions that lead you to feeling bad about yourself.

There is absolutely zero denying that applying boundaries in all areas of our lives is necessary for your mental health and high self-confidence.?

If this is something you feel you have to work on to improve your life, you know where to find me.

Just saying :)

Other than that - in the meantime keep smiling and have an absolutely belting Saturday.

Whoop!

Angie

www.angiemcquillin.com