10 Relationship-Building Questions to Use in a Budding Relationship

When my clients meet someone they feel a connection with, the coaching conversations many times lead to discussing what relationship-building questions are recommended to learn about this new person on a deeper level with the intent of seeing if this budding relationship has the potential to go the distance.

And if you're like most of my clients, you value your time and don't want to spend too much of it with someone who doesn't have long-term potential.

In the beginning, there are sparks, smiles, and conversation! And this is the best time to start asking relationship-building questions to explore what's possible in your budding relationship.

1. Where do you see yourself 2 to 3 years from now?

This question gets to the heart of someone's life goals. First, you want to see if they do have goals, or if they are going with the flow. Do they mention having a long-term relationship or being married? Do they describe being in a new house or still living in their condo? Are they even living in the same town or state? Wouldn't you like to know if they have hopes of living somewhere else?

2. What's important about the work you do or the project with which you're involved?

For those who are in the work world, either as an employee or a business owner, it does help to see what's most fulfilling about their work. You may even get a sense of how ambitious they are if that's important to you. Also, perhaps you'll hear about if they work long hours or prefer a balanced lifestyle.

And for those nearing retirement, or retired, how are they spending their time? Do they have a purpose? Is there a passion project or something they're dedicated to? Or do they enjoy a life of leisure with no real purpose?

3. What's something you can't live without?

This gets to the meat of what's really important to this person. What would you say?

I hear everything from having a companion to their pet or their iPhone! This question tells you a lot about the person and what they value. This is one of my favorite relationship-building questions.

4. Tell me about your best friend and why they're your best friend.

Most of my clients say they want to meet someone who'd be their best friend. So wouldn't you want to know more about their best friend? Do they even have a best friend? And the "why" gets to more of their values. We share many values and interests with our best friends. So getting into this relationship-building question will give you many insights into the kind of person they are.

5. If you could live anywhere, where would you live?

What I see dividing many couples is where they want to live. Some people have made up their minds a long time ago. And many people have where they actually want to live as a goal they're working towards. Sometimes it's part of where they want to raise their family, where they want to establish their business, or where they intend to retire.

As with any goals, you want your goals to be aligned with your life partner. This relationship-building question gets to the heart of some of your date's life goals.

6. Who's your favorite person to spend time with and why?

This may not be a best friend (who may not live in the same town) but a person with whom they enjoy spending time. Would you want to know who and why?

Many times, the activities they enjoy, or their values will come out of this conversation. It could be a friend, a co-worker, or a family member.

And you want to see how you'll fit in with this person. Is this person the same sex or the opposite? This again gives you a greater picture of their life and what would be comfortable for you.

7. What activities do you enjoy when you're not working?

You hear with couples that share activities and interests, their relationships last longer. Not that you have to be attached at the hip and do everything together. However, there do need to be some activities you'll enjoy together. One person may be a homebody and the other likes to get out of the house and explore.

Can you see yourself with this person? Would you enjoy doing their activities and would they enjoy yours? These are the things needing evaluation in your budding relationship.

8. Who is your go-to person in a pinch?

Not only do you have a best friend, but who is the person you can call in the middle of the night? Again, you want to know about this person. And why would they call them? (Do they have a pact?) And how will your relationship dovetail with this person?

How will this person influence your partner and your relationship? This is another relationship-building question most people fail to ask and find out the answer when they're already deep into the relationship.

9. What holiday is your favorite and why?

We all grow up with our favorite holidays. And perhaps your partner wants to celebrate that holiday in a certain way, with certain people, and maybe even in a certain place. how does that align with the holiday you enjoy celebrating? Could there be conflict there? Can you see yourself finding a compromise that works for both of you? Sometimes one person cares more than the other.

Again, it's best to know this information sooner than later and that is why it's on my top 10 relationship-building question list. And last, but not least...

10. What do you appreciate most about your parents (or kids)?

How is your date's relationship with their parents or kids? Some parents are still living. are they regularly in your date's life? And if there're kids, where are thy kids? Do they live with your potential partner part of the time or are they launched? The "what do you appreciate most" gets even deeper into your date's values. Also, you can gauge how well they think of their parents or kids. Again, you can assess what you may be walking into in terms of family dynamics. I've seen this tear apart a potential long-term relationship.

By asking these relationship-building questions, you'll get a better sense of who this person is and if their goals, values, and life vision are aligned with yours.

And with this information, you'll be able to see if you want to move forward with this relationship or move on and pursue someone who's a better fit for you.

If you'd like to shorten your learning curve and discover what it takes to Meet Your Mate This Year, then let's talk. Take a moment to fill out my "Get to Know You" form at www.TalkwithCoachAmy.com and let’s work together to help you Meet Your Mate!