10 MISTAKES TO AVOID IN SETTING AND PURSUING YOUR GOALS

One of the self leadership characteristic that will help you in creating success is the ability to set goals , putting action and turning the goal into a reality effectively.

I have been on my own for 15 years now going into my 16th year. One of the big learning through out my 15 years is dealing with uncertainty and learning how to set goals effectively. Imagine leaving a steady job with good bonus and share options to be in sales with 0 salary when I already have monthly commitment and 2 daughters to raise. I have gone through my ups and downs, made so many silly mistakes and learned from it. So I would like to share my observations on why are we not achieving our goals.

Mistake #1.Not being sure of what you want.

Not being sure will lead to either having no goals or having goals set based on other people’s expectation and not your own. A recipe to a disaster. What is needed is clarity and the willingness to decide what you want. Ask yourself what is it that you want to achieve and be brutally honest with yourself. Be precise in defining how the outcome you want to be. Clarity is crucial. The big difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is in the clarity of their goals.

Mistake#2.No confidence to decide on what you want.

No confidence as in thinking that its totally impossible, there fore we don’t set the goals. Not a single drop of optimism. By not having confidence to set goals and not having goals, we will just go through life going with the flow and allow the universe to give us experience at random.

This could be due to having failed at achieving some of the goals in the past or it could be due to being in the most difficult situation that we can't see possibilities. For eg, just being out of job, going through divorce or being at the lowest point in life.

What do you need to do if you have no confidence in your goals?

a) Surround yourself with the right people

b) Learn about other people’s success story and model them.

c) Even if you find your goal is too big, start by working on the smaller goals and let it grow and you will grow in your confidence.

Mistake#3.Feeling of undeserving.

Some people have the feeling of undeserving of any big goals. They have conversation like “that’s for other people who are ….(fill in the blanks with positive words), but I am not that.” or ‘ I am too small, uneducated etc”.

Even if they set goals, they will set it super low that it doesn’t provide them with growth. Feeling undeserving of big goals will make someone lose out on the opportunity to live their life to the fullest and giving the best version of themselves to the world.

Like Nelson Mandela said “ There is no passion to be found in playing small - in settling for life that is less than the one you are capable of living”. Everyone deserves to dream big. And big is subjective. ideally, create a goal that makes you grow and be a better version of yourself than the year before.

Mistake #4.Selfish goals

Selfish goals comes from the ego that is filled with conversations like .”I want to be the best in this so that I can beat everyone else ,so that everyone will look up to me”. The motive of the goal is to gain something just for self and for narcisstic reasons.Goals like this leads to personal destruction and will only cause high stress level.

Most of the goals requires some form of collaboration and support from the people around you. I have yet to come across any goals where any one individual can achieve solely on his own.

So don’t forget that we live in a world with people around us. Make sure our goals are adding value to others, then the universe will conspire to make it happen for you.

Mistake#5.Not willing to reflect on mistakes and learn from it.

Life will give us the same life lessons over and over again until we learn from it. As Albert Einstein had said “ Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results”.

The unwillingness to admit past mistakes and learn from it will get us to repeat the same failure. And the more mistakes and failure we make repeatedly, all the more it will become our core beliefs. If you have not achieved your yearly sale target for 2 years in a row and if in the 3rd year, you are doing the same thing again; the same thoughts, actions and results, you will have a strong core beliefs that you are a lousy sales person.

We need to re-frame our past mistakes as “lessons” and that will immediately turn you into having a growth mindset as opposed to fixed mindset. From being a victim of the past to being the one to takes charge of your future, simply by changing your actions based on lesson learned from the past mistakes.

Mistake #6.Not willing to learn new things to achieve your goals.

A good set of goals will also get you to acquire new skills, mindset, ways of thinking etc because that is when you have growth. And in today’s fast changing world, things change quite rapidly. I was told that social media algorithm changes every now and then too. If we have been using the same set of ad since the past 3 to 5 years, then our business is in trouble. Front line services are now made more efficient with technology and all these requires us to learn new things.

That conversation “I am too old for this, I am not tech savvy, writing is not my strength..” are no longer valid. The only way for you have a break through is by going through it. So learn that new skill, acquire that new knowledge, build that new habit, other wise our goals will remain as goals.

Mistake#7.Unable to celebrate, acknowledge and be grateful for small wins and results.

Some people are so wired and attached to the final result of their goals. This caused them to consistently remind themselves that they have not reached their goal. What they have forgotten is that they have made that small steps heading towards their goals. Maybe that small little achievements on monthly basis that accumulates.

It is easier for sales people to see as they will break the yearly sales target to monthly and even weekly target. But for other goals for eg. to start a new venture, that definitely need some groundwork. And all the steps taken in doing the ground work do matter. It is important that we do celebrate the small wins along the way so that we can stay in the state of mind and emotions that is healthy in pursuing goals.

Having that optimism and abundance mindset will definitely change the way to put your effort in pursuing your goals. So celebrate those small wins. Journal them down. Give yourself a pat on your back as you make progress.

Mistake#8.Bitter or unhappy towards other's success.

Feeling bitter and unhappy about other people’s success is a sign of insecurity and lack of gratitude in self. It all started from the mindset that everything is a competition and we start comparing ourselves with other people’s milestones and journey.

Looking at other people’s success is only healthy when we choose to be inspired and learn from it, but not to compare and beat ourselves up for not having the results yet.

Everyone has different timing and journey. Celebrate other people’s success, be happy for them and soon you will be celebrating yours.

Mistake#9.Unable to forgive yourself for your past mistakes.

Carrying past mistakes with you without your self forgiveness is like carrying a big invisible boulder on your shoulder everywhere you go around. It’s heavy and tiring. And we are so easily triggered by any external events that reminds us of the past mistakes.

Self forgiveness is key in moving forward with the right energy to achieve your goals. All it takes is for you be kinder to yourself, remove judgement towards yourself.

No matter how much society like to judge, only you are allowed to judge yourself. So only you have the power to forgive yourself. The lighter you are , the faster you can move towards achieving your goals.

Mistake#10.Unwilling to go the distance to get what you want.

No goals comes effortless. The least you need to do is work on your mindset. That is still work. Most goals will require you to take effort, face the possibility of making mistakes, not achieving the results for the 1st time, be facing obstacles and challenges.

One needs to persistent, have resilience and grit to get up and go the distance in achieving their goals. If you look at professional athlete’s training, that should be a benchmark on how much we need to be ‘trained’ or how much effort we need to put in our own goals. Athlete’s are wired to put effort for gold medals as their goal and nothing less.

So go ahead and set your 2020 goals and remove all these 10 mistakes. Let 2020 be the beginning of the best years ahead, nothing less.

Happy New Year.