In early June 2024, I hit the big 3-0. No longer a grown-up teenager, I am now well-established in the world of work, and just when everything seemed to come together, it fell apart again. A few weeks before my birthday, some unexpected events sent me on one of life's little detours. Turning 30 has turned out to be a much bigger life moment than I expected, but it has put the last 10 years into perspective. Here's what I've learned:
- Trust your gut. I wish I had listened to that inner voice urging me to say 'no' when it mattered, to leave situations that weren't serving me, or to distance myself from people who were mentally and emotionally hurting me. That voice is your intuition—often more accurate than the social rules and expectations we’re taught to follow. Be brave, and trust yourself.
- Learn to let it go, and leave it alone. I've been burned by people—jobs, colleagues, managers, friends. When you're young, it’s easy to feel like you have to fight back to defend yourself. But that’s just your ego talking. If a snake bites you, do you chase after it asking why it hurt you, or do you suck the poison out and focus on healing? Snakes will be snakes; it’s better to leave them alone before they bite you again.
- Burning bridges is okay sometimes. This goes hand-in-hand with letting go. There are 8 billion people on this planet. Some come with opportunities, inspiration, and positive associations. But if they cost you your sanity, integrity, kindness, or self-worth, it’s okay to disengage. There are always other people out there.
- Be brave. You’ll know when it’s time to make those big, scary moves. I wish I had made a lot of mine much sooner. A key tool to have is confidence in yourself. Knowing that life goes on even when you mess up (and you will) teaches you a lot about yourself. So, make the decisions, and do the things.
- The universe has three answers: no, not yet, or I have something better for you. I've faced some big letdowns in the last decade—rejections that stung and delays that frustrated me. But they led me to where I am now. Rejection is often redirection, and delays hold you back from what’s not meant for you. Trust the process.
- Build your self-worth without relying on others. I wish I had built the confidence and self-worth I have now ten years ago; it would have saved me years of struggle. I spent far too long seeking validation from others, placing them on a pedestal when, in reality, they didn't care enough about me to deserve that power. Self-worth is about knowing your value even when you’re not the best at everything—while still learning, making mistakes, and facing a world that tries to tell you otherwise. The emotional resilience that comes with this understanding is invaluable.
- It's okay to want better. This is a personal lesson, but if you find yourself in a job, relationship, friendship, or environment that isn’t serving you, it’s okay to acknowledge that and decide how much more of your time and energy you want to invest. Especially as women, we're often conditioned to stay quiet, be forgiving, and avoid confrontation. That’s why building self-worth and knowing you can aim for better is crucial for both professional success and overall happiness.
- These are the 'good old days'. Whether you like it or not, you'll look back on these years someday. Make sure what you look back on are either fond memories or valuable lessons—it’s all about perspective.
- Not everyone is toxic; sometimes it's just a clash. The word ‘toxic’ gets thrown around a lot. But it’s not helpful to lump normal people in with narcissists and abusers just because they hurt your feelings once or twice. It’s okay to be wrong or look silly sometimes. Just know the difference between someone calling you out and someone who’s actively trying to hurt you.
- Not everyone will cheer for you. I see people watching me without acknowledgment, and I’m okay with it. I’ve learned that I’m not doing anything in my life for the praise or validation of others. Once I stopped putting everyone else on a pedestal, I realised the only people who matter when it comes to my success are me and my child. I pay the bills, and he relies on me, regardless of who’s cheering me on.
Here’s to the next decade. If this is what life has taught me in my twenties, and I’m in for an interesting ride in my thirties, then I can’t wait to see what wisdom I’ll have by forty!
