10 Lessons from the Last 10 Years

Today, I turned 30.

And while I’m not someone who usually gets too caught up in birthdays, this one feels a little different.

Call it what you want, but it's a milestone, in a sense.

The last decade has definitely been filled with highs, lows, a lot of learning, and a few surprises I didn’t see coming.

I’ve lived in different countries, taken on some crazy challenges, and (I hope hope) picked up a bit of wisdom along the way.

So, as I hit this milestone, I thought I’d share 10 key lessons I’ve learned over the past 10 years. Some were hard-earned, some came as a total surprise, but all of them shaped who I am today.

I’d love to hear from you too—what’s one lesson from the past decade that has had the biggest impact on you? Perhaps when you turned 30 (40? 50?)

Let me know in the comments!

1. Leadership starts with prioritizing yourself.

Back in university, I was juggling two big roles—president and house manager of my fraternity—while also struggling with school, having a social life, and keeping up relationships.

Spoiler alert: it was a lot.

Leading while running on empty taught me one of the most important lessons of my life: you can’t be an effective leader if you’re not taking care of yourself.

And sometimes that means that you won't make everyone happy. And that's fine. It's not possible anyway, and when your vision is strong, you have to trust yourself to push through.

When I hit a burnout, I realized that leadership isn’t just about managing others—it’s about managing yourself first. This lesson has followed me through every professional and personal challenge since.

I understood that no matter if you have unlimited energy, if you try to put everyone else first, that energy will be so small when the time to make a decision comes, that it will be insignificant.

You MUST focus your energy on what you believe, what you want, and what you are trying to create, or else it will die at the hands of everyone else - and you will blame them for it.

That's no way to live a life.

Yes, "leaders eat last", but starving yourself means you'll always be shaky, uncertain, afraid and drained. That can't be the foundation of leadership.

Without certainty, belief in yourself, and the willingness to push through on what you believe is right, you’re operating on fumes.

Believing in yourself is the foundation of everything.

Without it, what's the point?

2. Make yourself indispensable.

When I moved to South Korea, I wasn’t just there to do my job and test a theory; I wanted to make a difference.

I moved to a small town where nobody spoke English, quickly learned the language, connected with everyone from the janitorial staff to the parents of my students, and made myself someone people could rely on. I gave 150%.

By the end of my contract, I was so integral to the team that I was able to negotiate an all-expenses-paid trip to Europe (and a month vacation) as part of a contract extension. They simply didn't want me to leave, and it was worth it for them to give that to me.

That experience taught me that when you go above and beyond to create value, you become irreplaceable, and it comes back to you tenfold.

The goal, of course, is not to do things with the expectation of return, but rather because it's the right thing to do. The benefits are just a bonus.

It’s a lesson that has shaped how I approach every new opportunity.

The more value you bring, the more opportunities you create for yourself.

So why not give 150%?

3. The way you speak can open doors, or close them.

The work I do is not just about helping people master spoken communication — it’s about what I’ve seen throughout my travels and my clients’ journeys.

I've moved to many different countries, many times, and I've chosen to learn the language each time. Each time, I've made a point of becoming someone who speaks that language well, and it has changed my life in ways you can't even begin to understand until you've lived it (or can you? let me know!)

Communication shapes how people see you and the opportunities you get. I’ve watched clients transform their careers by upgrading their speech, from getting promotions to landing public speaking gigs in front of thousands of people.

And what's crazy is that unlike your age, your gender, your skin color, you can adjust how you speak - and thus how you relate to people - in an instant.

It's a skill that any human being can acquire!

The confidence that comes with mastering how you communicate can lead to financial gains, stronger relationships, and doors opening that you never knew existed.

Whether it’s a job interview, a presentation, or simply meeting new people, the way you speak matters.

It’s about confidence, clarity, and connection, and when people feel like they're speaking with someone who sounds like them - someone with whom communicating is effortless - they instinctively feel connected to them.

Humans connect with people who they know, like and trust - and whether you like it or not, people trust people who they feel connected to - people they instinctively feel sounds similar to them, and who sounds authentic when they talk.

4. Your body is your foundation.

For years, I treated my body like a machine that could run forever, on any kind of fuel. Unfortunately, living off caffeine, working long hours, and neglecting sleep eventually caught up with me.

You can push your body a lot, but eventually, you start drawing time and energy from the future - and one day, the future comes.

By 2020, I was dealing with serious health problems that forced me to reassess everything.

I learned that resilience doesn’t come from pushing harder; it comes from treating your body with the respect it deserves. I hired a health coach, and exercise, proper nutrition, and rest became non-negotiables.

Taking care of my body has made me more productive, more creative, and more grounded, and I've never looked back.

How are you supposed to give your best if you’re running on empty?

You can't look back on your life if you die young.

5. Dream big, but don’t tie your identity to the result.

Achieving big dreams can feel incredible—until they don’t go as planned. I learned this when I graduated from university, when I left Korea, and when my life as a sailor in the Caribbean ended catastrophically.

It was a hard reality check, but it taught me a critical lesson: your identity can’t be tied to your accomplishments, or what you do.

Flexibility is key, and you need to know who you ARE.

We are human BE-ings, not human DO-ings.

While it’s important to dream big and work towards those goals, you also have to be ready to pivot when life takes an unexpected turn. Who you are isn’t defined by what you achieve; it’s about how you adapt when things don’t go your way (or when things simply evolve).

Learning to truly know yourself is essential, since that's the only way you can truly believe in yourself.

And if you don't believe in you, how can anyone else?

How can anyone know and love you if you don't know and love yourself?

6. Authenticity builds strong relationships.

Over the years, I’ve had moments of serious conflict with family —times when communication broke down completely, and we didn't speak at all.

These experiences taught me the value of being transparent and real, even when it’s uncomfortable. Avoiding tough conversations only makes things worse.

Applying this was costly and painful at first, but it has lead me down a path I never thought possible in the path - my relationships are more genuine and enjoyable than ever, including with family I didn't speak to for a while.

Being vulnerable and authentic strengthens relationships in ways you can’t imagine. It’s not just about being honest with others, but also with yourself.

Whether it’s family, friends, or professional connections, showing up as your true self is what creates deeper, lasting relationships.

You will sometimes push people away by saying what you think and being who you truly are, but you'll attract the people who are truly the ones you're meant to connect with.

Today, I have never been so close to my family, and I owe it to this valuable lesson!

7. Resilience is built by embracing discomfort.

The hardest lessons in life often come from moments of discomfort. Whether it was navigating a foreign country or dealing with a career setback, I learned the most when I was out of my comfort zone.

Like the pain you get from a hard workout that makes you stronger, it's essential.

It can even be fun!

Embracing discomfort isn’t easy, but it’s where growth happens. Every time I leaned into the challenges, I came out stronger and more adaptable.

The challenge is to find the joy and remain grateful as it's happening. But when you manage to stay positive and listen to what life is trying to teach (or give) you, bliss happens.

Resilience isn’t built in smooth sailing—it’s in the storms.

When life gets tough, don’t shy away from it.

That’s where the real transformation happens.

Embrace it!

8. Small wins lead to big success.

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that big successes are usually the result of small, consistent wins. These habits come from who you ARE, you you are BE-ing.

Whether it’s learning a new language, building a business, or developing new skills, the journey isn’t about giant leaps—it’s about the small steps along the way.

But the real trick is to encourage yourself along the way, and recognize when you're doing something right. Give yourself that high-five. Acknowledge the little victories, and keep on pushing!

I’ve seen this in my clients too: celebrating every little victory builds the momentum that leads to major breakthroughs.

Don’t overlook the power of small, steady progress—it’s what gets you to where you want to be.

And remember, part of that means being clear on where you actually want to go, and being honest with where you actually are.

You might miss the target sometimes, but at least you know how to get back on track.

9. Mentorship is a game-changer.

For a long time, I thought I had to figure everything out on my own. Countless hours were wasted doing the wrong things, the wrong way. Then I invested in my first mentor, and it completely transformed my approach to growth.

Since then, I've hired dozens of mentors, coaches and trainers.

A great mentor doesn’t just help you achieve your goals—they push you to aim higher than you thought possible.

My mentors have showed me that the ceilings I set for myself were far too low. They have showed me that my habits weren't giving me the results I was hoping for. They have helped me save years of struggle trying to figure things out by myself.

With the right guidance, I was able to move past limitations and accelerate my growth in ways I hadn’t imagined. Whether in business or life, having someone who’s been there before can be a total game-changer.

You just have to be willing to put your ego aside and get some help from someone who has done what you are trying to accomplish.

And then apply what you've learned.

10. Take calculated risks, and listen to your heart.

There's a fine line between fear and excitement. That's where the most exciting things in life happen.

The biggest breakthroughs in my life happened when I took risks that scared me, but the possibility of what was on the other side was thrilling.

That's the sweet spot - between "scary" and "ohhh yes!!!"

Whether it was moving to a new country, starting a business, or launching a new project, stepping into the unknown brought the most growth. But those risks were always calculated.

At least I tried to make them calculated (but sometimes I just had to trust my gut!)

It’s not about being reckless—it’s about taking bold actions that are grounded in strategy, and being clear on what was genuinely exciting for me.

Sometimes, I had no idea what was on the other side of that decision, but I listened to my heart and trusted that I would be able to figure it out no matter what happened.

The rewards of calculated risks far outweigh the fear. If you’re waiting for the “perfect” moment, you’ll be waiting forever.

Plus, if you live your life from a place of fear, guess what?

You'll live a life of constant fear.

No thanks.

Be bold, but be strategic.

The payoff is worth it.

Conclusion:

Looking back, it’s clear that the last 10 years have been one wild ride. A fun one.

I’ve learned to embrace change, think bigger, and trust the process—even when things don’t go as planned (which, spoiler alert again, they often don’t).

More than anything, I’ve learned that growth happens in unexpected ways, and there's no greater gift I can give to myself and the world than to be fully authentic and love myself.

I'm not perfect, but I know that as long as I keep growing every day, I'm once step closer to being the fullest version of myself: me right now.

And that's part of the fun!

As I look ahead to the next decade, I know there will be more challenges, more wins, and probably a few more curveballs. But with these lessons in my back pocket, I’m ready to take on whatever comes next.

Here’s to the journey—and to seeing what the next 10 years have in store.

I know it's going to be one hell of a good time ??

See you along the way!

Much love,

Ben

--

Can you relate to any of these lessons?

What kind of takeaways have you gained from the last decade?

Glossary of Idioms:

? Spoiler alert: A playful warning that you’re about to reveal something that’s either expected or a surprise.

? Burned out: Exhausted, mentally and physically, often from overwork.

? Indispensable: So valuable or important that you can’t do without it.

? Curveball: An unexpected challenge or problem.

? Go with the flow: To adapt to situations as they come without getting upset or frustrated.

? Think bigger: Expanding your mindset beyond immediate issues to see larger possibilities.

? Game-changer: Something that significantly changes the outcome or direction of a situation.

? In my back pocket: Something that you have readily available when needed.