10 Incorrect Assumptions About Introversion that Create Unfavourable Bias Towards Introverted Leaders

Do you over think things? Do you find it hard to say no? Do you find yourself responding to emails at all hours of the day? Are you someone who puts a lot of pressure on yourself to achieve? If so, on the Quietly Visible podcast I spoke to Melody Wilding a human behaviour expert and executive coach, and author of TRUST YOURSELF: Stop Overthinking and Channel Your Emotions for Success at Work about how “Sensitive Strivers” (what Melody calls individuals who are both highly sensitive and high performing) are often so influenced and worried by how they appear to others, they struggle with overthinking, and an inability to set clear boundaries—which can hold them back from reaching their full potential as leaders and professionals. A reported 70% of introverts are sensitive strivers. She also shares how her previous experience of not setting boundaries and saying no led to burnout. Click on the link above, open in a new tab, and listen to it after reading this week's article.

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Misconceptions about introversion can create an unfavourable bias towards introverted leaders. In environments that favour the extrovert ideal, this bias can put introverted leaders at a disadvantage.

Based on the experience of my clients, many of you who contact me through this newsletter, members of my online groups for introverted women leaders, here are 10 incorrect assumptions about introversion that create unfavourable bias towards introverted leaders.

1. INTROVERTS ARE SHY – whilst some introverts may be shy, some extroverts are too. Shyness and introversion do not mean the same thing. Someone who is shy is nervous and uncomfortable in the company of other people. Whereas someone who is introverted can find spending too long around other people overly stimulating. This can be draining, and they may want to retreat to be alone to re-energise. Someone who is shy may not necessarily want to be on their own, but they are fearful of being around other people.

2. INTROVERTS LACK SELF-CONFIDENCE – because someone who is introverted may be quieter in certain environments, or take longer to process their thinking, this can be mistaken for a lack of confidence. Some introverts lack confidence, as do some extroverts. Self-confidence is believing in your abilities, something which many introverts do. Many people both introverted and extroverted lack self-confidence. There can be a myriad of issues as to why someone lacks self-confidence.

3. INTROVERTS ARE SOCIALLY AWKWARD – people who are socially awkward are often not aware of how to act when in the company of other people. They may not have the necessary skills for interacting appropriately in social situations and often lack awareness of social cues that guide a conversation. This is different to feeling awkward in certain social situations.

4. INTROVERTS ARE SOCIALLY ANXIOUS – social anxiety is an overwhelming fear of social situations. People who are socially anxious often spend a lot of time worrying about social interactions before, during, and after them. Because social interactions make them feel so anxious, they often avoid them. Some introverts may be socially anxious, just like some extroverts may be as well.

5. SMART PEOPLE THINK ON THEIR FEET (used to refer to introverts not thinking on their feet) – introverts typically have a preference for thinking and reflecting and processing their thoughts before making a decision. So, whilst they may appear to take longer than their extroverted colleagues to reach a decision, it doesn’t mean that the quality of their decision is not as good. In fact, many have said that the introverts in a meeting may not say a lot, but when they do, they say something worth listening to. Quick decisions aren’t always the best decisions.

6. INTROVERTS DON'T LIKE MAKING DECISIONS – it’s not that introverts don’t like making decisions, it is often the case that they are not given adequate time to come to a decision. I recently had a conversation with someone who is extroverted about the need for meetings to be more inclusive towards introversion. They commented that because people are busy, they won’t have time to give people thinking space. To me, therein lies the problem.

7. INTROVERTS FEAR PUBLIC SPEAKING – because I enjoy public speaking, people who don’t know me are often surprised when I tell them that I am introverted. They think that introverts don’t like public speaking. Once when I was doing a talk to HR leaders in the US about the challenges introverted leaders face, before my session I got talking to a man who was at the conference who assumed that I was extroverted because I was one of the speakers. When he asked me whether I was introverted or extroverted I told him to guess (he responded with extroverted) and invited him to sit in on my talk and learn. He was incredibly surprised and left with a shift in perspective about what introversion is.

8. INTROVERTS ARE ALOOF – many people mistakenly believe that introverts are not friendly, that they are cold and distant. Whilst this may apply to some introverts, it also applies to some extroverts as well. Because introverts typically don’t enjoy making small talk, it may take longer for them to get into the flow of a conversation when meeting someone for the same time. That said, someone who is introverted can meet someone for the first time and they hit it off straight away.

9. INTROVERTS DON'T GET LONELY – there is a difference between choosing to spend time alone and being lonely. Introverts enjoy spending time alone but being lonely is a feeling of sadness or unhappiness that you don’t have other people around you. With many of us working from home over the past year, and not having the social interactions we are used to, for some people loneliness set in. This includes some introverts too.

10. INTROVERTS DON'T MAKE GREAT LEADERS – I once had someone comment on one of my articles that ‘introverted leader’ was an oxymoron. Barak Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, Beth Comstock, Steve Wozniak, Warren Buffet, Marissa Mayer, JK Rowling, Eleanor Roosevelt… all reported to be introverted. Enough said.

What incorrect assumptions have been made about you because you are introverted and how did you/do you deal with it?

About Me

I am an Executive and Career Coach specialising in introverted women who are senior leaders. I've been the featured expert in Women and Home Magazine, Good Housekeeping Magazine, the Telegraph, on BBC Radio 5 Live, named a LinkedIn Top Voice UK 4 years running, and received awards for my work developing women leaders.

I'm currently delivering programmes for senior leaders to overcome imposter syndrome, increase their executive presence, and improve speaking performance in meetings. But my vision is that ALL women achieve their full potential and become spheres of influence for positive change in their respective fields.

If you are an introverted woman and a senior leader and want to increase your confidence, influence and impact, take my free assessment and get a report identifying areas to develop. You can take the assessment here. 

?My book Quietly Visible: Leading with Influence and Impact as an Introverted Woman addresses many of the challenges that introverted women face as leaders and shows you how to overcome them. It was listed as one of the 10 best self-development books written by women to read during lockdown by BeYourOwn. You can get your copy here along with a FREE recording of my How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome workshop.