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[10] Hard to Accept the Reality?
One Line Summary: “Our focus determines our reality” Interpretations and expectations can be very detrimental.
One Paragraph Summary:
It’s funny how sometimes we end up in the “Victim Mode” and complain about things that we have no control over (e.g. pandemic, economic crisis, losing a job, etc.) and resist accepting them. This makes us suffer a lot, influencing our emotional state where we can become stressed, anxious, or depressed. Instead, it′s important to learn that our Ultimate Freedom is to choose our attitude towards what happens to our environment and our actions.
Newsletter:
“What is in our control?”
Most of the suffering, emotional daily struggles, is because we focus on the things we cannot control (e.g. others’ opinions of ourselves, their action against us, etc.) and enter into the “Victim Mode”. And we point out others or things in the environment we think are to blame, and complain, and complain…
We have such a big expectation, we see through a predetermined lens how the world operates, and what we think is true and real, and when something does not go according to our plans, to what we consider should be the ideal case, we enter this “Victim Mode”.
Our interpretations and expectations are based on the beliefs we previously hold about our environment and how this should behave. And we hate it ??when it behaves unexpectedly as we believed!?
We love pointing out somewhere else, because this gives us temporary comfort and releases us from taking action, taking responsibility, since “it’s not our fault”.
However, remember:
"When you point one finger, three fingers are pointing back to you."
It is impossible to point the finger of blame at someone or something without simultaneously pointing a finger (or three!) back at oneself (What are your beliefs, and assumptions? What were your expectations? Why did you feel hurt? etc.). It all boils down to Personal ACCOUNTABILITY (Young, 2008).
So, if crying ?? about what happens is not the solution, what can we do instead?
领英推荐
“ACCEPT THE REALITY”
We want to SEE THINGS AS THEY ARE, without any judgment, without labeling things as “good” or “bad”, as these are interpretations based on our expectations of previously held beliefs.
We never know what is good or bad. I am sure that we all have experienced things in life, that at the moment that it happens, we thought it was the end ??, but later on we realized that it could have been the best thing in our lives (e.g. a breakup, loss of toxic job, the pandemic, etc.). Related to this, I love THE FARMER STORY (Prince Ea, 2016).
Then once we see things clearly as they are, from a conscious and calm mind, we want to come up with different ideas and see what course of action is best for us and the goal we want to achieve.
Of course, as usual, this is always easier to say than done. And to be able to do that we want to train our minds to SEE THING DIFFERENTLY, to be less reactive, and to be more PROACTIVE and PREVENTATIVE.
In the end, we all know that life has ups and downs, and it doesn’t go aligned as planned in a straight line. Some things are out of control, and that′s ok, we can learn and grow from those events.
I believe there is always something positive (that will serve us), in everything that happens in our environment. We just want to be OPEN-MINDED TO SEE BEYOND the external, superficial parts. We want to have faith and trust in ourselves and the future.
And as Victor Frankl said (V. Frankl, n.d.; V. E. Frankl, 2000),
“The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way”
When we find ourselves struggling or suffering, it′s good to stop and take time for reflection. We’ll like to share with you the following powerful questions to be able to see beyond:
As one friend told me once, Accept your Reality and “Pick up your Fights”:
"Accept. Is?NOT resignation, but nothing makes you lose more energy than to stand and fight against a situation you can't change." - Dalai Lama
Some additional resources:
References and/or Recommended Resources:
Credit to: Dorothée Oung for peer review, Ruth Dunn for sharing the powerful questions, and Delphine Poiré for sharing the last words of advice.
Project Management
2 年Interesting reflection - accepting our reality, does not mean we agree with it. Up to us to decide what and how we want to engage in change. Since clearly, I am not the Dalai Lama, was I the one saying ′Pick up your fights′? Sounds like one of my life′s lessons - direct our attention on what matters to you at that very moment ( in a less warrior way than seeing this as fighting ??, which I am sure I said!!)
One of the top business and leadership experts in the world.
2 年Another great article Yoshi Garnica. What you are describing here is basically the foundation of Stoicism. Control what you can, and let go of everything you cannot. It's not what happens to you; it is how you perceive what happens to you that matters. In his book Meditations, Marcus Aurelius says, "You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength."