10 Gifts to Give Yourself This Holiday Season (to be truly refreshed!)

[I've received so many thanks for this post since I started it during Covid, that I've updated and gift-wrapped it again to share with you. Happy holidays...]

Where did this year go?! After another 12 months of demanding work and life - and so much uncertainty, challenge and upheaval in the world - most people I speak to acknowledge feeling tired or even exhausted. Me too. I can't wait for a break to "down tools", take time out, and get truly and completely refreshed.

Sure, I’m a leadership and team coach and a psychotherapist, and I spend my life supporting people's wellbeing and growth into more of what matters to them. But I'm human too. “Fit your own oxygen mask before attending to others”, as we're reminded when flying.

So, I'm taking my own advice yet again this holiday season and giving myself these 10 life-oxygen gifts to ensure a great break, get truly refreshed, and be raring to fly into whatever 2024 might offer.

I hope this helps you feel more refreshed and rejuvenated too, and I’d love to hear your experience.?

What are you giving yourself this holiday season? Here are my timeless top 10:?

?1. REST !

The first gift I’m giving myself this holiday is… rest. Catching up on sleep and relaxation.

I’ve always been pretty good at resting on holiday. When I had young kids and worked 12-18 hour days, I lost tons of sleep during the year. So, when it came to holidays, I’d need (and plan) a minimum 3-week holiday.??

Now, I turn to bite-sized ways to give my body and mind a rest. I love a good sleep-in and an early night, but my absolute favourite has to be afternoon naps. As my wife says, I’ve become a champion napper!??

I also remember what I learned in kinder: “mat time.” I often grab a drink and head to my mat for some alone time to chill, sleep, read a book, gaze out at our garden and the many birds, or just do nothing.

With the added craziness of this semi-post-Covid world, and the constant uncertainty we’ve felt over the last few years, I know that “rest” has to be the first gift I give myself again this year.

2. DO WHAT I LOVE !

?Truly, this is THE #1 SINGLE MOST SIGNIFICANT way to rejuvenate!??As David Whyte, the renowned American Poet and Leadership counsellor recounts, when he was a young man, and totally exhausted, near breakdown, he asked his mentor for guidance...what could he do to recover? His mentor shared these priceless words …?The antidote to exhaustion is not rest….it is WHOLE-HEARTEDNESS.?? What a wake up call. Sure, rest is necessary, but it’s only when we tap into the things we love that we get the treasure of deep and fulfilling renewal.? ??

This is not doing what we merely “like” or “get entertained by”.? It's diving into what we truly LOVE.? ?For me, it’s making fabulous pizzas in the outdoor oven that I built from the ground up with my 3 daughters.?It was a longtime dream.

I look into the oven with an open fire and fresh pizza cooking away--really, any great food we throw in there--and I feel an instinctive and deep joy. I love making dough and experimenting with new ways to create the perfect crispiness and golden colour. And seeing the layered oven bricks in perfect symmetry being lit up by the fire reminds me of the ancient bread ovens of Pompeii - I feel part of an ancient tradition.

You’ll also find me in the workshop for hours, turning a piece of wood or making a piece of furniture that I cut down and dried myself from our own Eucalypts-mostly Sugar Gum. I’m often making a present for someone I love...like this bowl I made for my wife Elisa.?

Anyone who knows me well knows that I’m absolutely mad about jigsaw puzzles of gorgeous landscapes - the bigger, the better. Why? I have no idea. It’s just the way I’m built. So, every holiday, my family rolls their eyes as I pull out the next 5,000-8,000 piece monster.?

And I can’t leave out my passion for travelling the Italian countryside with Elisa (in Rome, shown here). It’s not on this year’s holiday list (damn!), but will definitely happen again.

When I do any of these things that I love, I lose all track of time and am totally, completely present and engrossed.? It’s full-on living for me.? That’s why it’s number two on my list.

3.? PUT MY DEVICES DOWN…AND DO SOMETHING MEANINGFUL!

Gift three is unchaining myself from technology.? In any normal year, a good portion of my work can be on computer and phone.? And ever since Covid, I’ve added endless zoom meetings, lots of Netflix, and various techno-distractions.?

Many years ago, I started running little experiments of putting the phone down for a few hours, and even a couple of days.? Every time I did, I became much more present and engaged with life - family, friends, interests, nature - and felt great.? ?I rediscover life!???

So, while writing this post a couple of years ago, I realised I could start right now...and I took the evening reading my wife’s Gourmet Traveller magazine.?

I found a great article on Italy, pizza making and famous Italian restaurants in Australia.? I got inspired to try their famous dough recipe and made a big batch.? ?At the end of the night, I felt proud, whole, and really satisfied.? All just from putting down my phone.? And, what do you know... it led me straight back into things that I love !

And I’ve also had so many projects I’ve taken on, on our small property.? Initially, some have seemed totally daunting, while others have been a good weekend creation.? One of the most daunting was building this new curved flowing fence in the shape of a massive leaf.? It took weeks of planning and months of dedicated work.? I cut every piece of Jarrah for the palings from huge beams salvaged from the 80-year old Geelong Woolstore building.? And asked a metalworking friend to let me apprentice to him while we made the rusted steel post and rail curved structure.? By comparison, a weekend project was building veggie boxes for growing our own produce…well, at least Elisa grew the produce.? I just benefitted.

4. GET OUT INTO NATURE !

I’ve always spent time in nature.? I grew up on a 2-acre property in the leafy suburbs of New York City.? ?There was a natural cycle:? feeding the swans, geese and their offspring in Summer, making huge leaf piles to jump into in Autumn, making snow forts in Winter, and watching the roses, tulips, lavender and bright green leaves come to life in Spring.?

I also spent many formative years on holidays at a summer camp in Vermont, based on native American traditions.? We’d spend up to 3 weeks at a time hiking and canoeing in the remote mountains and lakes of New England and Canada.? I can still remember the damp fresh air of the fir, pine, and spruce forests, and the sound of a paddle dripping as I bring the paddle forward for the next stroke.?

And because this early experience imprinted me with nature, I love sharing it with my daughters (below, in the Otways, before they left home).

Not sure what I'll be doing this year for nature. Perhaps head down the Great Ocean Road again, especially waterfalls behind Lorne;?almost certainly get out on my few acres to do the (seemingly endless) work of slashing the grass, chainsawing and splitting firewood;? or enjoying our place on a gorgeous sunny and blue-sky day, watching our 18-year-old red ironbarks swaying in the breeze, as I listen to the lorikeets, the bees chasing nectar, and admiring the garden and firewood walls we created.

5. GET INSPIRED BY OTHERS !

?Any time I’ve been through a tough period, I find myself browsing for hours finding deeply inspiring stories that make me feel good, grounded, and deeply appreciative.? Every time.? Sure, it’s being on a device, but for a great cause.? ?Years ago, when I was out in my first home office, after a lean year of building my fledgling business, I needed a lift.? I found this amazing video about Mark Johnson and his creation, Playing for Change.? (I’ve used this in many leadership programs ever since.). A fellow New Yorker, his world-changing initiative came accidentally while riding the subway to work.? Definitely worth a watch. ??

Another year it was Britain’s Got Talent, focussing on the best stories of everyday people taking a risk to share their previously-hidden talents with the world.? (Actually, I admit I check it out every year.). Yet another year it was Nick Askew and his beautifully-filmed and moving Soul Biographies about the amazing lives of ‘ordinary’ people.?

?When I look, I find so much good that is happening in the world.? And, thankfully, there are now a growing number of dedicated sources to find and share it, including the huge catalogue of TED talks and positive news sources here .

I wonder what I’ll discover this year.

6. BE REINSPIRED BY MY OWN HISTORY !

Erv Polster, the famous Gestalt Psychotherapist, wrote a book, titled: Every Life is Worth a Novel.? His point is that we often marvel at the adventures of others, but don’t realise the unique and special nature of our own lives.?

Many years ago, in my own search for direction, I completed an exercise from Richard Bolle’s famous jobhunting book What Colour is Your Parachute. It did wonders for revealing my unique achievements and successes in life, but more importantly, it reconnected me to the feelings and vital energy that is core to these moments in my life.? It motivated me to get back out and conquer the world, knowing that I could.? ?

What I’ve since discovered from this exercise, and now use with all my clients, is that it also makes visible our unique success formula behind all our achievements - the sequence that we can leverage to unlock future success.? In effect, it is like a hidden patentable process.

[If you’d like the benefits of this exercise for yourself, simply direct message me on LinkedIn with “7 stories exercise, please”, and I’ll be happy to send it to you.]

Every year I ponder my 7 life achievements, because they remind me of what I'm capable of and what I've achieved, the ways I have lived my own life (despite many failures and difficulties), and inspire me to get out there and create again.

7. LEARN SOMETHING NEW !

I’ve always loved learning something new.? Whether it was as a kid, learning the trumpet or piano in primary school, or as a teenager, playing the oboe or learning spanish in high school. (I got to go study in Salamanca, Spain for the summer, a beautiful city with lip smacking potato omelette baguettes and the oldest continuously-open university in the world, since 1218!).?

When I got older, it was learning the bagpipes and playing in a pipe band in full regalia (I held back from including a photo in full regalia), or doing a furniture-making course and discovering the love of making things from beautiful timbers, or starting to learn Italian and Turkish, to accompany my love of travel.? Living on a few acres, I’ve spent years learning so many new skills to build, fix, or take down everything on a small hobby farm.?

Probably the craziest, for someone with a sensitive inner ear, was going skydiving with my middle daughter, Annie.? It seemed like a great idea...that is, before I started walking to the plane and then had to be the first one out at 14,000 feet!?

And this year -- dare I admit it -- with the kids out of home and looking to reap the rewards of the next era in life, I bought a motorcycle. Yes, I know. The rolled eyes and thoughts of "mid-life crisis".

First let me (defensively) say.... life-stage theory talks about mid-life transition.? It only becomes a crisis when we haven’t done our psycho-emotional homework (so we desperately seek any distraction from facing inner difficulty).?? Transition is a time of reassessing what's important, what brings us joy, and how we want to spend our next era of life. ?

I had a lifelong chip on my shoulder ever since I was young, when I attended a summer camp and tried to ride a mini bike. For the life of me, I couldn't do it. I couldn't get the sensitive touch of the throttle right. I'd keep over-revving and the high torque threw me off the bike a few too many times.

So I spent decades thinking that it wasn't for me and I couldn't do it. My transition reassessment included wanting to conquer this seemingly big hurdle. And the moment—the second!--I got on the motorcycle on that first day of the hands-on learner's course, I was instantly hooked! I absolutely loved it. (And I realised that the mental self-limiting wall I had built was only a story, a phantom that I hauled through life with me, as indeed any of our self-imposed limitations are.) ?The freedom, wind through the helmet, closer contact with the road and surrounding countryside, and exhilaration of being out on the open road…aaaaahhhh.? It turned out to be….you guessed it….Gift #2 again.?

Some of new pursuits last and some don’t, but the only way I know is to give them a try.? (Skydiving is not something I ever have to do again!).?

I wonder what I could experiment with this holiday?? One thing’s for sure...I’ll be experimenting with cooking something new in the pizza oven and heading down the Great Ocean road on my Honda CBR!

?8. START OR RETURN TO A DAILY WELLBEING PRACTICE

?I’ve started many daily practices over the years.? I remember during the first running craze when I took up running the local roads, doing what I thought I ‘should’ do and pushing myself, until the breakthrough moment when I discovered what people meant by ‘runner’s high’.? I got to the prize.? Same thing with swimming in my early days in Melbourne.? Many years later, I dedicated 5 years to meditating (almost) every day, with a weekly group meditation - pretty amazing if you’ve never tried it.? At different points, I took up yoga, then Qi Gung, then Canadian Air Force 10-12 minute daily exercise routine .?

In the years since we moved to a few acres out of Melbourne, there’s been so much work to maintain the property (endless chainsawing and chopping firewood, repairing fencing, building something, and landscaping - thank god I bought a tractor!).? I gave up structured exercise, assuming I had enough workouts from doing all this.?

When I finally re-started an exercise program this year, with a young Brit with a dry sense of humour and a totally positive and empowering style, I realised just how much my body was compensating to be able to do all the farm work.? ?Then my wife sent me this Australian Dads Challenge - 8 weeks of 5 hard workouts a week, and I am developing a much keener awareness of my body, an improved ability to activate muscles for greater stability, and some new strength to boot.

I'm getting into a rhythm of actually enjoying stretching myself. I feel great.

9. GIVE TO OTHERS

I’ve always been a giver.? In fact, my Turkish name, Kerim, means “generous, noble, giver”.? Both the Turkish and American sides of my family were known for their philanthropy, public service, and teaching.? It was a thrill to visit Turkey in 2015 with my eldest daughter, Sophie, to meet my relatives for the first time (where I took this photo on Istanbul’s famous Istiklal Street).?

But name aside, I find that giving to others, or dedicating myself to a cause bigger than myself, has always felt good and can take me out of my own difficulties or suffering.? In high school, I used to tutor underprivileged kids.? In Uni, I taught literacy to a young African American father who wanted a better job so he could move his family out of a high-crime neighborhood with almost nightly gunshots.? After Uni, I went to teach for the US Peace Corps in Gabon, Central Africa and not only had the adventure of a lifetime, but got to make a (small but meaningful) difference to young African students.?

More recently, starting in Covid, I found meaning and support as a volunteer therapist in a Melbourne community clinic.? I can’t tell you how that contributed to helping me get through Covid and the many lockdowns.?

Every time I give to others, I’ve benefitted at least as much as the people I gave to. Giving makes me feel good, proud, connected, bigger.?

?10. LAUGH AND PLAY

And the last gift, another high priority for holiday refresh is to take time to laugh and Play.? I remember so well when my three daughters were young and we’d have Sunday morning “wrastling” time - when they’d take turns jumping all over me to get a high-flying ride as I twirled them around in the air, then to come crashing down into the bed, with rounds of hysterical laughter and “My turn, my turn…”.

Nowadays, I really notice during the holiday times, when they’re back home, with everyone in holiday mood singing holiday songs while we put up a massive freshly-cut Christmas tree (the biggest was a 4-metre monster!).? ?We each have a different decorating jobs - mine is always the lights and tinsel; theirs, the decorations.? When all the jobs are done, and we’ve settled into relaxing family time, how fantastic it is to laugh loudly together - perhaps watching the classic movie My Cousin Vinny ,? or Jim Carrey’s Fun With Dick and Jane , or one of Michael McIntyre’s comedy stints, or even spouting off quotes from every animated movie we’ve watched together over many years.? And we often head outside with a Frisbee, soccer ball, or backyard cricket game.? My youngest daughter, Mimi, and I also had a decade-long tradition of a mini-golf game.?

My wife and daughters are joyous reminders and co-conspiritors for laughing and playing.? Unfortunately, this year is the first year we will be spread out around the country and won't have that special time together. So I look forward to upping the ante on this gift next year (and visiting them in the meantime).

?Conclusion?

My top-10 list has proven a lifesaver, time and time again, helping me to refresh from the pressures of the year and feel ready for the next year.? So at the end of 2023, it’s no wonder I’m giving myself these gifts again this year.? They always help me refresh after another a big year, and be ready to start a new year.

What's resonant for you? What are the biggest gifts that work in your life?

Wishing you lots of oxygen...

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