The 10 Commandments of a Being an Effective Mentee

"If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants." — Isaac Newton?

?I have been involved in multiple mentorship relationships, either as a mentor or mentee. I have had mentorship relationships blossom and grow into lifelong friendships while others serve a short-term purpose (both valuable, in my opinion). Over time and experience, I have learned some insights that make a positive mentorship relationship. I have shared ten quick lessons below from a mentee's perspective since I have been on that side of the relationship more often. I can share more than ten tips, but I will keep my list to ten for time. If you have any more insights or suggestions, please share them in the comments of this newsletter or message me to discuss further. I love the dialogue that this newsletter sparks.??

Show me a successful individual, and I'll show you someone who had fundamental positive influences in his or her life. I don't care what you do for a living—if you do it well, I'm sure someone was cheering you on or showing the way. A mentor." — Denzel Washington?

Commandment 1:?Be an active listener. We are given two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listening is an essential part of communication. Listen to learn, not respond or present a counterpoint. As a best, this is extremely important. I need to work on this myself, and I love to talk, but there is so much power in asking engaging questions and listening to the insights shared with me. Active listening is a powerful tool if you learn to hone it.??

Commandment 2:?Be kind. Kindness and compassion go a long way. A smile, a compliment, a positive affirmation, and small acts of kindness go a long way and can impact someone beyond your visibility. I recently attended my great-great aunt's funeral; everyone commented on her heart. For over 20 years, she led the "birthday ministry." This meant she called every parishioner of her church on their birthdays and wished them well. At the funeral, the church pastor asked everyone who had received a phone call from Aunt Flossie to raise their hands, and it was astonishing to see hundreds of hands go up. That shows the impact of kindness in action.??

Commandment 3:?Be respectful of other people's time. Show up when you are scheduled to show up. Set calendar reminders. Create a routine. If you have a mentor willing to give you their time, take it seriously. Refrain from being flaky and wasteful with the time of others.??

Commandment 4:?Be helpful. Only sometimes, go into a mentorship relationship thinking of what you can gain from a mentor but how you can help the mentor in any aspect of their life. As a mentee, you bring incredible insights and value to the relationship. You have skills that you can share and be of tremendous help to someone else.??

Commandment 5:?Be curious. Ask thoughtful questions. Come to every mentorship meeting with questions and situations that are challenging you. A mentor wants to help but can only help if you ask questions.??

Commandment 6:?Be aware of differences. In a world of diverse identities, it is respectful to acknowledge differences in relationships. I found it tremendously validating when my mentor realizes my Blackness, my role as a father, and my neurodivergence. It shows that my mentor sees me, all of me, and not just me that is similar to them. As a mentee, you should do the same. I keep in mind the identities of my mentors and make sure to respect their opinion, their culture, and their traditions. My National Association of Colleges and Employers (NACE) mentor, Samara Reynolds , and I wrote an article about it, and you can check it out here.??

Commandment 7:?Be authentic. I understand professionalism and etiquette, but that doesn't mean you must be robotic and fake. Be yourself. Laugh, tell jokes, share stories. If I want a mentor to see me, I want them to see all of me (flaws and all). I usually use my authenticity to test whether the mentor is a good match for me. If a mentor can accept the authentic me, then the relationship is not a good fit.??

Commandment 8:?Be collaborative, not transactional. While there is a power differential in the mentor/mentee relationship, it doesn't mean all the work goes to one participant. A valid mentorship reason is where both parties work together to grow. Collaboration can take the form of setting joint goals or working on projects together. Turn this relationship into a space where both parties leave with tangible takeaways. That could be a presentation you presented together, an article you co-wrote, or an independent research study, to name a few examples.??

Commandment 9: Be invested. Similar to financial capital, social capital takes invest me to grow. People are the most excellent resource on earth. So invest in others. Lift up others! As a mentee, find ways to be a cheerleader for your mentors. We often forget that other mentors are people; who have struggles and shortcomings like everyone else lane. Check in on your mentors and invest in them. Pour into them just as much as they pour into you.??

Commandment 10:?Be purposeful and intentional. I often tell mentees to be upfront about what they want from the relationship. Reach out to people you admire with a purpose. It could be a LinkedIn message saying you admire their work and want to learn more, or you can share your goals with the mentor in the first meeting. Setting the tone and doing the outreach is your role as a mentee. People only know how to help if you tell them. Just be cautious that you don't want to ask your mentor for things beyond their control. Do not, and I repeat, do not as your mentor for a job.??

In addition to your opinion on being a good mentee, what makes a good mentor? Please engage with the following Facebook post or LinkedIn post. I have been using the comments and insights for personal research on how to be a more effective mentor to my mentees. Being a mentor is a lifelong role; we elevate in age, wisdom, and experience, and you should look for ways to pay it forward. Being a mentor creates a legacy and ushers in the next generation of leaders. Being a good mentor makes a world of difference.??