The #1 Worst Listening Turn-off

I was trying to have a conversation with this person.

But I found myself getting irritated with one thing he kept doing…interrupting me in the middle of a sentence and talking over me.

It became impossible to carry on a conversation because it seemed as though I was never able to articulate a complete thought.

This may seem like an extreme case, but unfortunately, interrupting is a common occurrence.

We all do it at times. We get an idea while someone else is telling their story, and we blurt out what we want to say whether the speaker has finished or not.

So how can you avoid falling into this trap?

The first step is to catch yourself doing it. If you quickly apologize and stop talking, there’s no harm done. The speaker can pick up where they left off.

The problem is, you may be oblivious to this habit. And you could be ticking people off without realizing it.

This has happened with my business partner Paula Schlauch and me recently. Since we’re a small company, we each juggle a lot of balls. And when we get on calls to coordinate our projects, we’re moving fast. If one of us is talking and pauses for a second to catch our breath, the other sometimes jumps in too quickly. Or interrupts mid-sentence.

Fortunately, we both became aware of this unproductive pattern at about the same time. We discussed what we were doing – and why – and agreed to work on recognizing when we were doing it as we were doing it and give each other real-time feedback.

This solution has worked well. She’ll say, “You’re interrupting me” or “I wasn’t done yet” if I speak over her. I apologize and shut my mouth immediately so she can finish her sentence. And vice versa.

But that kind of exchange doesn’t happen in many workplaces.

Instead, people raise their voices in an effort to be heard. Or the speaker may shut down and give up, deciding it’s not worth trying to finish.

The result is that what needs to be said doesn’t get said by the person who wants to say it…or heard by the one who needs to hear it.

Just a few vital reasons why you need to stop interrupting if you exhibit this habit:

• You may miss important information that the person needs to tell you.
• You send a message to others that what you have to say is more important than what they have to say.
• You don’t learn anything when you’re speaking.?
• You’re communicating that you don’t have the patience or self-discipline to wait.

These behaviors push people away and damage relationships.

Start monitoring yourself during conversations. If you find yourself about to jump in before the speaker has finished talking, stop yourself. Focus on the words and the meaning of what’s being said. You’ll be less likely to jump in with your own opinions if you’re trying hard to understand theirs.

"Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand." - Karl A. Menninger, American psychiatrist

Watch this video, “Never, Ever Interrupt,” for more tips on how to avoid interrupting others and how to respond when you’re the one being interrupted.

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Learn More

If you’d like to improve your own communication skills, including listening, and those of other leaders in your organization, we have two powerful resources that can help:

• Connect with Your Team: Mastering the Top 10 Communication Skills, a book with practical tips and easy-to-follow steps by my business partner Denny Coates and me
• GSL PowerPartners, an on-the-job leader development program to expand the effectiveness of leaders at all levels by improving 10 high-impact communication skills through peer coaching partnerships

About Meredith

Meredith Bell is the Co-founder and President of Grow Strong Leaders . Her company publishes software tools and books that help people build strong relationships at work and at home. Meredith is an expert in leader and team communications, the author of three books, and the host of the Grow Strong Leaders Podcast .

You can get details about Meredith’s products, books, and podcast at GrowStrongLeaders.com. Schedule a call with her to discuss the specific needs of your organization and how their Schedule a call with her to discuss the specific needs of your organization and how their tools could help to grow strong leaders.