The #1 Necessity for Self-Mastery in Leadership is...

...drum roll :-) .... Self-Love.

It's possible to have the title leader on a resume, get people to get stuff done, achieve & acquire things, money and magazine covers included. That's not mastery. It might be misery, hmm? You deserve better. Your people and the world deserve the blessing that you are here to be & bring. What if the number one necessity for self-mastery in effective, inspiring (add your desired adjectives here) leadership is Self-Love?

Yes, money and getting stuff done is included- infused with infinitely-sourced ideas, innovation, empathy, efficiencies, waking up inspired teams geeked-up to give their best and so much more for truly healthy, sustainable success.

Self-Love can get confused with self-absorption or narcissism. This couldn't be further from the Truth. Please pause and recalibrate as needed.

The word love can be perceived as soft in the world of business (understandably so), but if we let that continue, this shall be a horrible mistake for many reasons. We need to clarify and strengthen its power in this context, not shy away from it. Please breathe with me on that one. :-) What kind of energy do you want running you? Running the world? What do you want to pass on to future generations?

Here's one example of how Self Love is at the root of super important outer results, short term decisions and long term growth. I invited a CEO client to breathe and imagine his inner Champion asking him to take a bow for something he had done. A Champion bow is different than a cheerleader attaboy- nice job compliment. What did it really take for him to be able to make that decision/show up that way (potential game-changer for himself, the business's future, all the employees, etc.). What quality or such was emerging in him that his Champion wanted to acknowledge? He slowed down and said, “self-trust…self-worth.” Then, after a beautiful pause, he said, with a whole-body sigh of relief and liberation, “I stopped trying.” In our MLA (Mastery of Leadership Arts) sessions this nomenclature has a depth of meaning. Trying refers to the subconscious programming residue running us… to keep trying harder (subtly, habitually) to earn approval, avoid pain, get liked, etc. Most people are not fully aware of their inner 5-year-old still trying to get mommy’s love or daddy’s approval as the underlying motive for avoiding uncomfortable conversations or adapting, attempting to control and perpetuating so many missed opportunities for unleashing the greater potential in yourself, your team and maybe the world you’d love to see. Our pal Gandhi is winking at you and encouraging you to go for it. :-) Let's reclaim the oomph of BE the Change, shall we?

If you are not filled to overflowing with Self Love, you’ll keep trying and keep ending up exhausted or disappointed or gearing up to try harder again, cuz your conditioned mind tells you "this time will be different." Oh, the clever con mind seductions that go unquestioned for decades and masquerade as who you are. Your True Identity doesn't need to try... to get liked or play small to stay safe. Please breathe with me again. That one is a mic drop, yah?

This MLA path of Mastery is not acquiescing to the clever con. It’s also not more achievement pushing or short-term pleasure seeking. It begins with more self-compassion and awareness and then requires letting go of trying harder (from an outdated, unsustainable success formula). We get to surrender into a trust that knows your higher power is the greatest Love of all, empowering you to wake up to your greatest joy and impact. Not candy for the small self and not trying to be a good girl or boy somehow (even for the universe/higher good accidental martyr mission).

There is a sweet spot of an infinitely creative, wise Real Love wanting to express uniquely through you with the gifts and life force currency you are destined to share.

We're not talking about Hallmark movie romantic love or naive, ineffective kumbaya clichés. I do want you to feel outrageously loved in every molecule of your being. I do want you to connect with the power of Love that moves mountains. I do want you to feel fantastic about becoming a great instrument and dance partner with that life force. I do want you to feel that amazing sense of being well-held by something greater and “catching the green lights” with the right people, opportunities and other synchronistic support showing up at just the right time, lighting up your face with big smiles. ?

We could use the word Power, but that also has confusing connotations! If we could invent a word that included Power, Strength, Truth, Integrity, Wisdom, Grace, Compassion, Creativity, Life Force, Joy, Infinite Intelligence and more, I'd use that. For now, I'm not giving up on LOVE in action for better lives, better business, better world. I’m not giving up on unconditional LOVE alchemizing the inner worlds of bright, talented leaders who are still working too hard trying to do a good job instead of allowing their greatest work to come out to play. In fact, I want to be a stand for this more. :-)

In the new MLA, the essential purpose of reconnecting to Self Love could be found in capitalizing.* SELF LOVE.

*Pun intended. Just for fun, let's consider that market capitalization is a process about the potential valuation of a company. In the new MLA, SELF LOVE is about remembering your true worth and empowering greater potential. It’s about being true to your Authentic Best Self, not overly accommodating, pleasing, performing for…for what? It’s also not about falling into being an arrogant or innocent A.S.S. (Adaptive Strategic Self). You have a choice of falling into being a follower of lists, as sophisticated or culturally applauded as they may appear OR become one who LEADS. LOVE Expressing As Desired by Soul/Source ?

LOVE could be Limitless Open Vitality Emerging filling you, informing your perceptions- (how you see, hear, interpret...) and then moving you right or left, yes or no and expressing through you for the fulfillment and impact you are destined to enjoy.

Lower case self-love might look like a pedicure or expensive vacation getaway or new shoes. Nothing wrong with any of this, just watch what is truly feeding what needs to be fueled for your highest good having a chance to flourish.

Self-Love homework experiment:

I’ll play MLA waitress and offer you a menu. Consider spying on yourself very sensitively for at least a week, A or B or combo platter.

A)??Increase your awareness about Energizers and Drainers. Track and log when you feel energized/alive/joyful/in a natural flow zone and when you feel drained/bored/ resentful or disappointed, etc. Let this help you notice how you might be adaptive or not honoring smart Self Love as much as might be possible and better for not just you, but everyone and for the work. You also want to ask, Hmm, how do I enhance and expand Energizers and diminish, delegate or dump Drainers?

This isn’t easy, but it has extremely high ROI if you dare.

B)??Watch your thoughts and body sensations. Notice the inner voices that fall into the neighborhood of critic/judge/ you should, etc. Slow down. Pay attention. For your data tracking only (don’t edit or worry about who else will hear this). Be radically honest with yourself. Are you filled to overflowing with Self Love and Champion encouragement of how amazing and limitless you are? Or is there some residue of a not enough inner commentary voice or such lurking in there? Just notice with compassion and curiosity for now.

Please let me know any questions or discoveries!?

?Cheers,

Marian

"Self-care is giving the world the best you instead of what's left of you." -Katie Reed

"All ambitions are lawful except those which climb upward on the miseries or credulities of mankind." - Joseph Conrad

“Fall in love with taking care of yourself. Fall in love with the path of deep healing. Fall in love with becoming the best version of yourself but with patience, with compassion, and respect to your own journey.” -Sylvester McNutt

P.S.?If you are curious about how Self Love might liberate your greatest work and joy (or something else you'd like to explore), I’d be delighted to have a new conversation with you. Give yourself the?gift?of a private?Wake Up to Your Inspired Self?call with Marian.