1. My Neurojourney - where did it all begin?

It's about time I started this newslog. That's what I'm calling it as it's a cross between a newsletter and a blog.

Firstly, I've used the word CEO at it's a play on the title of one of my favourite podcasts by Steven Bartlett so hopefully he doesn't sue me!

I'm the CEO of my life and my business and even though I don't have any employees yet it counts.?

I'm not claiming to be running a multi million pound business but if you don't like it you can suck it. ??

Secondly, I struggle to be consistent with blogging and writing for myself but I'll be trying to do my best to keep this up!

So if you read it, thanks and please comment as it'll really help keep me going.

So where the fuck do we even start?

Well, I should share my neurojourney I guess!?

I didn't get diagnosed as autistic with ADHD until I was 44. Which means it's been less than a year at the time of writing. (I know I only look 25 really ??)

I pursued a private diagnosis following my daughter's diagnosis just after the third and worst lockdown (remember that savage January 2021?)?

I was totally surprised by hers, she got to age 7 without me ever considering it. As she was just like me so I saw no differences.

Little did I know I was using the neurodivergent measuring stick of my own perception. D'oh!

After I came to terms with her diagnosis I realised there was a reason many of my closest friends were neurodivergent and that I seemed to have some kind of affinity with autistic people.?

I was one of them. ??

The ADHD did catch me out though when I was assessed. Although it makes total sense when I see how chaotic my life can get and especially my inner battles... My autism demanding routine and my ADHD demanding spontaneity and fun!

So my journey has meant understanding myself from scratch almost and reframing everything.

Seeing your childhood through new eyes is big.?

My parents took my diagnosis well, although they were shocked, and my dad even apologised for some of their parenting... Which honestly was huge.?

But I won't go deep into that today. ??

What I will say is that for me diagnosis was crucial and it's helped a lot.

I've lost friends since I stopped masking so much and mostly it's people who refused to accept my boundaries or needs and just weren't my tribe I guess!

I have found this really difficult at times but I'm not going to apologise for who I am. I'm not a bad person and thanks to some amazing people in my life I'm reminded daily of how awesome I am.

I'm always working on the self belief side as it's really YOU that needs to believe that but I'm getting better at it.

Setting boundaries and making it clear what you will and won't accept from people is really important.?

I think neurodivergent people often work so hard to assimilate and fit in and not be the weird one (school is a bitch when you're different) it's hard to turn that off.

We can become people pleasing doormats if we're not careful.?

But my neurojourney so far (a word I totally stole from Jude Morrow ?? by the way!) has had ups and downs and I am sure it will continue to do so but for me the more my self awareness grows the more my self acceptance and confidence grows!

And that, my friends, can only be a good thing.

Although I do think I may be quite dangerous with more confidence, I am excited to see where it all takes me!

As for life as a mum, I am definitely learning every day as a parent how to help my children as I learn how to help myself. We are on the journey together so I hope it doesn't cost me too much in their therapy bills later on!

But let's delve into that another time.

If you have any questions about diagnosis and how I went about it feel free to ask but I used a psychologist in Ireland and did an online assessment and it was about ￡500. I went local for my children and my daughter's was double my son's as we needed a specialist for girls.

Don't get me started on the NHS and the support, as it is shit for ongoing 'conditions'. That is a whole other blog though!

There is so much to say about potential signs of ADHD or autism but I will list a few of mine below for you!

Sensory processing issues - hate strong smells, noises, bright lights, strong tastes and unexpected touch. But sometimes seek loud music (of my choosing), firm touch and smells I love, like petrol.

Lack of focus/too much focus - It tends to be all or nothing so I am sometimes so distracted I jump from one task to another. Other times I focus on one thing so much I forget to eat, drink or go for a wee for hours.

Misreading social cues - I am pretty sociable on my terms and better with a drink (I stop being so self conscious and overwhelmed by noise and lights) but can often put my foot in it with a comment or fail to pick up on a joke, despite my great sense of humour. If you say you will do something I think you mean it!

Struggle with change - I hate routine but also crave some predictability. I seek fun and spontaniety but also HATE it when plans change or if someone won't make a plan until the last minute as I need to prepare in my mind for it. Too many changes in my life at once and I get totally overwhelmed.

Forgetful/lose things - constantly losing debit and credit cards and keys or other items. My daughter says it is my special power!

Messy AF/Love tidiness - I crave a clean and tidy space yet am so messy and disorganised. It is why I have a cleaner, a luxury that is WELL worth it!

Poor emotional regulation - I hate to admit this but my emotions run riot at times and I find I get very strong feelings towards people and even objects and often get upset by the emotions of others. Small upsets or mistakes can trigger 'this is the worst thing ever' responses. This can be very overwhelming and even upsetting if I am made to feel like I am 'overreacting'.

Incredible problem solver - Despite the above I actually get past my initial response to an issue and find solutions and get through some quite big problems at times. There's always a way! I am one of tjose people that is exceptionally good at a lot of things, pole dancing and CV writing are two of my top ten skills right now.

Easy to talk to - I can talk to anyone if I am in the right frame of mind to do so (the school run isn't that time!). And will make friends in a queue or swap numbers with people I just met. It definitely helps when building rapport with clients as people open up to me, as I am so open myself.

Hatred of surprises - Don't call me out the blue or turn up at my door, I need prep time, even if it is only a few minutes. My brain can't process it and then I may not be as friendly as you hope! But I do love surprises gifts, so it's not all bad.

Maybe you find some of these ramblings relatable or maybe you just found it interesting and if you got this far then thanks! And I hope you read my next one, I might even plan it out and I will try and make it funnier!

Love and ice cream, from my heart to yours. May the ice cream be ever in your flavour.

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