1. Art of Feedback

When it came in unexpected ways, I experienced lag in identifying and absorbing it. When it was demonstrated with an example, it gave me a fresh perspective. When I asked for it, it often didn’t meet my expectations. Then on occasions, perhaps when I needed it most, the feedback uplifted my spirits. When a particular person gave it, I valued it more. When I couldn’t apply it immediately, I forgot about it.

So many variables. So many different situations. Amidst all, there is the constant challenge to both internalize the feedback and detach yourself from making unnecessary judgments.

But my collective realization is this: A need for understanding, a space for dialogue, and a desire to improve are the basic building blocks of any kind of feedback, given or taken. To build this space, especially among friends, family and co-workers can uncomplicate life. Cause I’m convinced one comes out a better person as a result.

In no particular order, and without defining the contours of the context, I think the following aspects of giving feedback are timeless (but what do I know about time), be it at work or home.

Intent and positionality

Who are you and what do you want? What are your stakes in giving someone feedback? Did the said person ask for it?

It helps to give feedback when asked for it or ask before giving feedback, because that position of giving feedback is intimate, a private place someone is letting you in. Your intent needs to be aligned with the hopeful outcome that something favorable will happen as a result. That someone is asking for feedback doesn’t imply there's something wrong; that you’re giving feedback doesn’t imply you're right. Feedback is a tool to aid someone to become a better version of self as they see it, not to prove anyone right or wrong.?

Style and tone

Are you sure your feedback is right? Are you open to a discussion?

Chaos always intrudes upon life. So you must assume nothing, but if anything, assume the person you’re giving feedback to is trying.?Be open to discussing the feedback than merely giving it. Try not to be didactic, try not to make statements. Ask questions. And arrive at answers together. Sometimes the best answer to a question is another question, that provides the person receiving feedback a moment to exercise choice.

Time and setting

Have you thought through your feedback enough? Have you decided when, where, and how to share it?

Ascertain whether your feedback is for a one-off event or in response to a persistent occurrence you’ve noticed. Assess wisely. You may also want to consider whether it’s worth giving feedback immediately or respecting some lag. Like mentioned before, a need for understanding, and a safe space for dialogue are imminent to a good setting for feedback.

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I’ve had the fortune of receiving honest, timely, and well-articulated feedback from friends, family, and peers who care, and have responsibly shown the same through their suggestions and advice.

In the end, slip-ups happen which may or may not demand feedback. And ergo, feedback may be taken or not. But feedback not taken is often feedback given back.

Read the last sentence again, consider the process of giving and receiving feedbacks win-win, take your learnings and move on :)

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Part of a series While talking to myself, life happened.