001 -The Game of Games

Our parents always told us, it's not the winning - it's the taking part that counts. But why did they tell us this? Did they even know? Do you know why you tell it to your children? They were totally right btw, but I think maybe telling us in the wrong moments...

It was around 6 years ago I first heard this concept of 'the game of games', it was during a podcast I was listening to on my, pre-wfh era, 1 hour 45 minute daily commute. It articulates something which we are all taught from a young age, 'it's not the winning that counts, it's the taking part'. As a child (and adult until that morning I heard about the game of games), I had always thought that it was something your parents and grandparents told you to comfort you about being a loser. I feel justified in that assumption, as it's something you're pretty much only ever told when you don't win. I never won something and then was told, "ahh well, you know, it's not the winning...".

Whether it's your relationship with colleagues, sales prospects, or simply leisure activities, being mindful of 'the game of games' can help you bring a deeper intention, and improve the connection with those around you.

At the weekend, I was playing in the garden with mine and my friends children, aged between 3 and 9; the game was Bulldog...and I was the Bulldog. (Don't worry we was playing a tag version, I wasn't full on tackling these poor kids Boris style - hop on YouTube and search Boris tackles child if you're not familiar!)

Now, as a fairly agile guy in my 30s of course I would have no trouble in ending the game in seconds, wham, bam, thank you kids you're all useless. But obviously, as anyone would, I took it easy. I'd over exagerrate my reach as I went for the 3 year old, and would give a "wwwooaahhhh" as he zipped under my reach and made it to safety.

My 9 year old wasn't very pleased with this. "You actually have to get us Dad" I'm reminded.

A balance, as with most things, is essential, you don't want to just obliterate your children at any game you play, and you don't want to throw it every time. There's a happy medium we all usually manage to find, difficult enough to push your kids, but easy enough that they have fun.

Cool...what's the point Adam?

The point is, something which comes naturally to us as humans, is this awareness of making something enjoyable (or fun even) for others. Let's fast forward the years of the game players, imagine a friendship group who decide to host poker nights at home on a Saturday night. Let's imagine one of the group had maybe a decade or so of poker experience, and the others were totally new to it. Easy pickings for our in-house expert right? well... maybe not.

If our pro chooses to win. every time. every. single. time. how many times will they be invited back to the table?

See, but here's the most interesting part, because you might be thinking this is about not hurting the feelings of others / making them feel inferior to your skills set. Sure, that's part of it. However.

Entering this circle of poker players, as you sit down to play, what's the best possible outcome? To win? hmmm. no actually.

The best possible outcome is to be invited back to the table the most amount of times, over the lifetime of the total games played.

(just take that in for a moment, maybe read it over again).

Now think of all the ways you can apply this to your work-life. I'm not in sales, so I can't speak to that; my career for a while now, has however been centred around relationship building. Usually I'm asking very busy professionals for their time in one way or another, in order to meet my own targets and project needs supporting young people. Although on the other side of that coin, I have also held relationships with referral partners of young people into a service or project I'm managing.

I have my 'games to play', as in, a particular project, a campaign, the KPIs of my job role, and understanding where my contacts sit around any particular game table is vitally important. I like to think this is something the people I network with get a sense of from me, I rarely make an ask without having a decent idea in my mind that they would enjoy whatever it is I'm going to ask of them.

See, it's not enough to just 'win'. To win at the expense of any future wins is just a massive L. Sometime in our work-life it's much more of a win, to throw a game once in a while, (even if your ego, pride, and possibly boss, are kicking and screaming) , given time, both your ego and pride, oh and boss of course, will see the sense in the long game you're playing.

So as you sip your coffee this morning, take a moment and reflected on the games you play. Games you play at work, with friends, with love, with your self, are you trying to win at the expense of all future wins in any of these areas? If you are, maybe try going easy, just every now and then eh.

See, it's not the winning, it's the taking part that counts, after all.