??? ?????? Dear Mum ???? ??????? God repose your soul ???? ??? Thank you!

Well, I cannot believe the fact that it has been one year already since the call of God and your eternal sleep oh dear Mum. These days leading to the 2nd of March 2017 are bringing back those memories of our last days and nights together here on earth (which, as we are bound with our perishable bodies, we did not know were the last days at the time) - we were thinking that this would be another battle that we would and should, in our usual prayers, collaboration and support win, but it was not meant to be - God's will was stronger than any of us. These moments, and seconds spent together, also the discussions at those days and nights will be treasured forever. These discussions and the wisdom that was generated throughout made me richer than ever.

Indeed, it is one year since that life-changing event when you went into your eternal sleep. The seconds and minutes after your eternal sleep were very crazy (for me at least), I lost my usual composure, my usual calmness, my usual poise, and even my ongoing smile. Indeed, it was a big shock for me and the whole family, whereas my thoughts before that life-changing second that this would be yet another battle for us the team of 'THE ISSAs' that we will face with our usual bond, and strength, in a manner similar to all other earlier battles which we won, but not this one, it was not meant to be. Here, we pose and contemplate the greatness of God the Almighty whom, we believe has better plans for all of us, and though it might be difficult for us humans, but this is the WILL of God and we have only to obey.

Being bounded by our perishable bodies, several feelings went into our hearts and minds, and one of them was that I (we) have failed you, as I (we) have been always there with you, and every step of the way we were counting how many battles we have won, and how much we are blessed as we tackle each of the issues that we faced, one issue after the other in our human perishable lives, and we always thank God for the blessings. Indeed, even sad, sorrow and wretched at that moment, together with the family members we thanked God for the blessings, as we know God knows better than any of us, and has plans for all of us.

Here, at such a difficult moment, I felt that God the Almighty is telling me and all of us who gathered there at that moment of that day/afternoon - 'I got this' - God the Almighty has better plans for us that our human perishable minds and hearts cannot absorb or even attempt to understand. Indeed, we might say we understand through faith, but Oh Dear Mum - not having you in flesh around and amongst us for this whole year has been extremely difficult and it has been a huge life-changing experience for me (and I would be able to speak about my siblings) and I know for other members of the family and friends. It is not the same no matter how much we try...!

Yes, since that Wednesday afternoon, the 2nd of March 2016, life has changed and very dramatically. I used to hear people saying, I have grown up since the passing of my Mum, I could not understand then, but now after experiencing the severe pain of the eternal sleep of my best friend, best confidant, best MUM ever, indeed, I now might a bit understand, what they meant. Simply putting it, this year has been an extremely difficult year. I feel that on that day that you went into your eternal sleep I (we) have changed very significantly and for ever - nothing is the same!.

I went through this year trying, as a human being, bounded by my perishable body, to comprehend the loss, not being able to see you in flesh, unable to talk to you face to face, unable to confide in you face to face, unable to watch you running the affairs of the home, watching you in the kitchen, cooking creating master pieces, having that beautiful food that you always prepare, having that huge hugs and kisses in appreciation of any tiny thing that we do to any member of the family or the community not only to you. I am unable to comprehend the loss of seeing you so active in the Garden, very engaged at the Church, at the lunches, dinners, breakfasts, in the market, at the shops, in the car, at the relaxing time watching TV, on our walk by the river (which I did not do since then)... It is difficult, no matter how much I try to describe - it is difficult and hugely strenuous.

One of the ways that helped me to cope with this great loss was to pray, pray and pray very hard... though my visits to the church are limited this year (due to the circumstances which you are aware of). Another way, that I felt helped me, was to go back to the very beautiful memories and talk to you through journeys in the memory lane that I published on my Linkedin. Writing these lines brought heavy flow of tears to my eyes, sadness and heartache, but this had cleansed my soul, and in my belief strengthened me. I believe... as sometimes I give in to the emotions and just weep...

Now, allow me to remind you and myself of what went through these write ups:

The First entry was on 2nd March 2016 when we declared to our family and friends of our loss (Your eternal sleep), which we commenced with the verse:

“Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. (John 11:25-26)

This entry that can be reached on URL: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/bathqyomo-marine-khoury-issa-1942-2016-theodora-issa had information about the funeral service, and it contained your original portrait that you took when we were still in the northern hemisphere:

We held the funeral, and took your blessed body to your final resting place, this was an experience that I felt is so demanding and so saaaaaaaaaaaaad... then we accepted sympathies on your passing, from the people here and those who came from other parts of the country to be with us, back to the compound to offer the mercy food (which was all done in the vegan state as we were going through the Great Lent), and we tried our best to have edible food, we know you were watching - hope we have done well. On the next day we held the three-day memorial at the Church and everyone still had tears in their eyes... The prayers acted somehow as a relief for us - and following the prayers we invited all for mercy food that was offered for the repose of your soul, and later mercy cookies. We then, visited your final resting place where we placed the flowers that came from family and friends... and continued to be delivered to home...

On the 14th of March 2016, I published another post in which I included your nice image wearing red with that radiant smile:

In that same entry which can be reached on the URL: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/thank-you-tawdy-aloho-mhaselah-bathqyomo-theodora-issa we included the 'Thank You' message to all those from here and overseas who shared our grief and expressed their feelings, and some excerpts from the several messages that we received - they were all talking about that beautiful smile, beautiful soul, the great hospitality, your unconditional love, your elegance, being a beautiful and graceful lady and the list goes on and on and on...

On 2nd April 2016, we marked the first month of your eternal sleep, and I thought I needed to write again - In that entry that can be reached on the URL: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/marking-one-month-since-eternal-sleep-bathqyomo-marine-theodora-issa - I have included an image that I gathered from several beautiful images of you taken on different occasions, at the church, home or parties, bringing back memories of Christmas at home and at the Church, Easter, Our Lady's Feast, a Birthday party of one of your granddaughters, and the Feast of All Saints:

In this entry I shared some of the pages of the bulletin 'THE LIGHT' where we published prayers specifically for the departed. In addition, and under the title:

'Who can find a diligent woman' (Proverbs 31:10)

we (Dad and the family) wrote about you, how great your personality, your love to all, and your wisdom in running the affairs of the home and the community throughout, this served as a concluding note of the several special issues of the LIGHT that were published since your eternal sleep. In addition, in that same issue, we published some more of the letters and messages that we continued to receive describing you of as the mother of all the community, not only her children. The message was that all 'WILL MISS SEEING YOU IN FLESH' but all know that you are now amongst the angels in heaven.

Also in this same post we published an image of the table that was set up at the Church for the 40th memorial service. It was very difficult to stand there and see your image on the table, and all of us and your friends weeping, as we remember you oh dear Mum. They all miss your presence in the Holy Mass, leading the singing of the hymns, the proper seating and standing at the Church. On that day, we had tried the recipe of the Syriac bread that we distributed as mercy cookies with other items that my siblings arranged. We offered the mercy food, and after that, in line with our tradition, we visited your final resting place... where we placed the several flower bouquets that came from your friends - including some arrangements from home grown roses...

On 1st May 2016, as we were celebrating the Feast of the Resurrection, I published another post as we marked two months on your eternal sleep oh dear Mum. For this post we used a photo that I have gathered from two of your milestones Wedding Anniversaries parties where you and all of us were very pleased with such milestones. This entry can be reached on the URL: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/two-months-passed-eternal-sleep-our-beloved-mum-bathqyomo-issa

We commenced this first May post with the following verse:

“Your brother will rise again.” Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” (John 11:23-26)

In this same post we repeated with St. Paul his saying:

 'But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. For as by a man came death, by a man has come also the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ shall all be made alive. But each in his own order: Christ the firstfruits, then at his coming those who belong to Christ.' (1 Corinthians 15:20-23)

In May, 2016 we had more than one post published, the second was published on the 7th of May 2016 in which I shared this image that I compiled from different pictures taken throughout our lives together concluding with the Christmas 2015 image that we took next to our Christmas tree. This entry was for - Mother's Day - the first without you in flesh amongst us - it was extremely difficult. In this entry that can be reached on URL: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/mothers-day-2016-theodora-issa I went with you on a journey in the memory lane on how we used to prepare the gifts for the Mother's Day when we were young with our limited abilities (financially and physically)... and how we developed throughout the years. In this entry I shared with you some beautiful poems that I borrowed from poets, which would, and, in a beautiful way describe what was going in my mind and heart. To follow is one of these poems. Indeed, few other words borrowed from Pat O’Reilly from a poem under the title ‘A Wonderful Mother God made a wonderful mother’, are appropriate at this stage of this piece, from which I quote the following lines:

‘A mother who never grows old;

He made her smile of the sunshine,

And he moulded her heart of pure gold;

In her eyes He placed bright shining stars,

In her cheeks, fair roses you see;

God made a wonderful mother,

And He gave that dear mother to me.’

In this entry I wished to quote from a gift that you gave me that contains verses from St. Paul's Epistle which would be denoting the calling of LOVE which you MUM is a great example of...

Love is patient; love is kind. Love is not jealous; is not proud; is not conceited; does not act foolishly; is not selfish; is not easily provoked to anger; keeps no record of wrongs; takes no pleasure in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Another entry of May, 2016 and this one was published on 25th May 2016, you know why. In this entry, which can be reached on URL: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/we-farewell-may-2016-allow-me-go-another-journey-memory-issa I have used one of the images that we took in one of the University graduations (it was my sister's PhD graduation), and I was a member of the stage party... How happy, pleased and proud you were at that moment...

I concluded this entry with an appreciation of the love and care that my siblings showed me during my birthday this year, from which I quote:

My siblings have inherited this enthusiasm... Thank you for the hard work that you have done in planting the love and care in the hearts and minds of all, sharing with you some of the images of the nice times and days together... Well, you have been acting in line with God's word: 

Fix these words of mine into your mind and being, and tie them as a reminder on your hands and let them be symbols on your forehead. Teach them to your children and speak of them as you sit in your house, as you walk along the road, as you lie down, and as you get up. Inscribe them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. (Deuteronomy 11:18-20)

Until we meet again oh my dear and beloved Mum on this memory lane or somewhere else, let me conclude with a verse from the Holy Bible and some beautiful photos of you... oh how much I love that smile... Stay safe and pray for me. 

 I thank God, whom I serve, as my ancestors did, with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers. Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy. (2 Timothy 1:3-4)

Another entry was published on 2nd June 2016, as we marked three months on your eternal sleep. For this entry I used an image that I compiled from different images taken on different occasions including the celebration of one of Dad's Priesthood anniversary at our backyard with the presence of family, friends and community members, for you and me or by yourself - how beautiful - yet, the pain was great for the perishable body that we continue to be bounded in. I started this entry with a poem that I borrowed from Kimberly A., written in February 2016, from which I quote the first verse:

Sweet smile on your face as you sleep the pain away. Resting in God’s arms now, although in the ground your body lay. He needed another angel in the Heavenly choir and that is why you had to go.As you promised, you are still with us watching your children here below.

The rest of the poem can be seen in the entry itself on the following URL: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/three-months-had-passed-2mar2016-2jun2016-theodora-issa. This entry was concluded with verses from the Holy Bible from which I re-quote:

 “You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.” (Psalm 18:28) 

Further, in June 2016 I published another entry, which can be reached on this URL: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/mum-newsletter-article-has-been-published-theodora-issa and this time to advise you of the publication of an article in the newsletter that I wrote describing the dedication of the medical staff following my stay with you and other member of the family in the hospital... In this entry I have used an image that I compiled from pictures taken of you on different occasions, including the celebration at the church of a milestone of number of Holy Masses done here in this city, your 50th wedding anniversary, my PhD graduation, your presence at the awards night for (Mor Aphrem Suryoyo) an award that the family undertook to engage in to appreciate the patron of our family, my sister's birthday, and with visitors from overseas.

In the usual manner, this entry was concluded with verses from the Holy Bible, which I re-quote, which I felt are very relevant to our situation these days:

The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. (Psalm 18:2) 

AND

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18) 

Another entry was published on 2nd July 2016 marking four months since your eternal sleep. For this month, I used images of you on ANZAC commemoration memorial that I took you to in April 2015 (One Hundred Anniversary, as we were in our Church also commemorating our martyrs with the SAYFO commemorations), that I have managed to mix with some of the images that I have taken at Notre Dame de Reims, France, where I usually light a candle for you every time I visit, and brought you some of these candles that are still kept next to your bed. Also in this image I managed to include two of the Christmas tree ornaments, one that we received as a gift on Christmas from your eldest granddaughter (God Bless her). In this entry that can be reached on URL: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/we-mark-fourth-month-since-your-eternal-sleep-oh-dearest-issa, I chose to brief you about my trip overseas, and how at every corner, I used to imagine you in that place, and how I was thinking that I will come back home and tell you all about it - even the buffet with different types of food presented to us in this trip, and how we will experiment the fresh salads that I saw or the food that I tried there... you always encouraged me to do so.

This image of the wild flowers that I saw on top of the mountain on St. John Eve which is celebrated at that country, in it, I have included our photo next to the Christmas tree when I was still young. Further photos were added, but will not share them all here, only this one (underneath) that includes some images of us in parties and other places that I have placed them to reflect on the beautiful purple flowers (which I know you like the colour of such flowers) that were decorating the bridge next to the hotel where I stayed during this overseas trip.

In this entry, I advised of the publication of a book chapter that I worked on whilst you were still around us in flesh... the happiness in receiving the news was incomplete as I could not share such news with you face to face and receive that great hug and kiss from you with that brilliant smile that denotes how much you are proud of our achievements.

I concluded this entry with the following, which I re quote:

... St. Peter, as it is after all the feast of St. Peter and Paul that we celebrated on 29th of June:

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:6-7)

And, of course I should not forget to share one verse from the Book of Psalm as you loved this book and you were always reading from it: 

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)

This what I am sure of.

Another post was published, this time on 1st August 2016 marking five months since your eternal sleep. For this post, I used some images including one you and me when I was still young - that brilliant smile while in the Ladies committee and one whilst we were on a visit to the family overseas... In this entry, I tried my best to update you on what is happening around us, and sharing with you some of our news including the publication of the text book that you have been around in flesh when I was working on it, and other publications. The whole entry can be reached at the URL: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/we-mark-fifth-month-theodora-issa

Also, I shared with you some images of the food that we attempt to prepare and feed the family or celebrate their birthdays, as I know you will be worried how we can manage without you, as you continued to work and very hard until the last days - which is difficult - but we know that your spirit is guiding us throughout.

This entry also had some other images of the garden and other issues - as it was a month of important dates for all the family members, and we tried our best to celebrate these milestones - but no matter what we do we fall short of the brilliant things you used to do when you were with us in flesh - oh dear Mum.

Another image that I collated from your different pictures, during weddings, christening and the one that you were carrying my youngest brother when he was still a baby when we were taking the traditional photo over Christmas that year... how elegant and how beautiful... I concluded this entry as it is usually the case with some of the verses from the Holy Bible, which I will re-quote:

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. (Psalms 116:15)

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. (Romans 8:18)

And I heard a voice from heaven saying, “Write this: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on.” “Blessed indeed,” says the Spirit, “that they may rest from their labors, for their deeds follow them!” (Revelation 14:13)

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)

On the 2nd of September 2016 another entry was published and this was on the passing of six months on your eternal sleep. Also, September holds a very important date - your wedding anniversary, this would have been the 59th year (you might recall we talked about how we will hold a big party for the 60th - but it was not meant to be)... I have used an image that I complied from different old images that show and display clearly that radiant smile one of them whilst you are carrying my brother (the second after me), when he was still a baby. I also shared other images on that entry that can be reached on URL: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/post-published-mark-sixth-month-theodora-issa

In this entry, I took refuge in the Holy Bible where I shared some of the verses that bring consolation to the heart such as:

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31)

By sorrow of the heart, the spirit is broken. “Proverbs 15:13b”

Love doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil. “1 Corinthians 13:5”

In this entry, I also looked at analyzing your personality through the lens of the 'emotionally intelligent people' by Dr. Bradberry: Being positive, maintaining robust emotional vocabulary, acting in a sensitive manner, being curious about other people, always forgiving but not forgetting, not allowing anyone to limit your joy, maintaining great self-confidence, and always squashing negative thoughts, and that is who you are MUM.

We had earlier and towards the end of August 2016 held the memorial service on the passing of six months on your eternal sleep that was attended by your family and friends. This was the invitation that was sent to your friends and family here and around the world... the response from all brought tears to our eyes, as the people hold great love and appreciation of you oh dear Mum, your smile, your unconditional love and care to all no matter who and where they are.

Your daughters, daughters-in-law and your granddaughters went into bake-off and offered people from their work as mercy food...and of course not to forget the nice coffee by your youngest son. The flowers arrangements by the family members and some fresh arrangements from family and friends that all made their way to your final resting place.

We visited your resting place, and had people over at home for mercy food - cooking from your recipe book - once again I would say, no matter what we do, we would not master the items as you do... oh dear Mum. It was a day that once again proved the love to you from all... we also baked the Syriac bread in the shape of a cross and the traditional shape that we distributed as a Mercy cookies.

I concluded this entry with verses from the Holy Bible... that would bring peace to my heart and my mind:

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6) 

Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: (Proverbs 31:28)

Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates. (Proverbs 31:31)

As I mentioned earlier, life is not the same and was not the same during the months that made the one year... my siblings were stressed with what was written in my entries and they would always have tears in their eyes as they go through the lines of the entries, and I had to be boarding at the hospital thus did not come up with an entry for the seventh month. As for the eighth month, it happened to be a Wednesday afternoon, I was at the office, and it was the same hour and the minute that you went into your eternal sleep, that I was preparing for my class on that evening, and I felt the urge to write something, thus came up with the eighth entry - very short that can be reached on this URL https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/eight-months-oh-dear-mum-theodora-issa

In this entry I used an image that was taken from two images of you in 2013... One as we went for our Afternoon High Tea following a wedding, and the other following the celebration after Dad was given a high honour at the Church... what a nice smile.

In that entry, I took refuge in two images that would speak what I feel... one of these images was talking about 'Broken Chain'...

Well, I heard before, and I wrongly thought that with time pain will ease... but it did not, thus, the entry on the ninth month of your eternal sleep came up with me chatting about everything, even what I read during the month of different articles, advising of the latest confirmation of the publication of a book chapter that I worked on while you were here in flesh... thank God for the blessings. The entry can be reached on this link: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/nine-months-oh-mum-theodora-issa

The pain is still here and very much so, but I am always tapping into my faith and the verses of the Holy Bible including some verses from the book of the Psalms such as:

'When my heart is overwhelmed lead me to the rock that is higher than I.' (Psalms 61:2)

In this entry I used several of your photos that I managed to gather showing that brilliant smile and grand look of yours as you were engaged with the reception of the Head of the Church, the graduation of one of your children from university, attending social events. Told you about everything that went in our lives, including how your garden is doing, sharing some images from some of the vegetables and fruits - even an image of the olive tree blooming - the garden flourished in the Spring and we acted in line with what you taught us to do - to collect, keep and save for winter... and that what we did especially with the Grape vine. As for the grapes that grew on these vines whilst we left some for the birds (as you taught us), we have shared the rest with our siblings - and the remaining bulk was distributed following the ONE-YEAR MEMORIAL service... as you usually would take the grapes to the church for the morning tea...!

I concluded this entry with verses from the Book of Psalms:

Psalms 116:15 Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.

Psalms 119:50 This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life.

In December 2016 I did more than one entry being the month that we usually would be busy in preparing for the Holy Feast of the Nativity, Christmas, which was not the same no matter how much we tried... but, we know that the celebration of the birth of the Prince of Peace is something that we need to celebrate to recharge our souls and spirits, despite the pain that sits in our hearts and minds... and we did in a very limited fashion. I shared with you this image which was taken by Western Australia tourism shows the tree that you love, and we used to go around on Sundays afternoons to contemplate the beauty of this tree when it is flourishing - but it did not flower at the usual time but later as the weather was different this year!

For this entry I used the image that we took in December 2015... next to our Christmas tree, and I only borrowed some poems that would indicate how much I miss you especially on this sacred and holy season.

In this entry, I wrote, despite the pain that we hold in our hearts... we, as Christians have faith, and would always repeat with St. Paul:

'So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord.' (2 Corinthians 5:6-8)

'But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.' (Philippians 3:20-21)

The entry can be reached on this link: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/have-blessed-feast-nativity-christmas-oh-mum-theodora-issa

31st December 2016 was another day in which my (our) resolve was tested to the limit, and I had to sit down and write, I wrote an entry in which I talked about how much you worked hard, yet despite the hard work - you always managed to draw that beautiful smile on your face - sharing some images during the New Year's eve celebrations at our backyard to show how the smiles kept on coming late at night in the manner that we usually do, as we welcome the new year, despite the long day of work...

I concluded this discussion, as it is usually the case, with some verses from the Holy Bible:

• 'Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,' (Psalm 23:4) 
• 'Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints.' (Psalm 116:15)

Until next time... oh dear Mum...Have a BLESSED 2017 everyone... Thanks for the support throughout. This entry can be reached on this URL: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/have-peaceful-2017-missing-you-oh-dear-mum-theodora-issa

On 2nd January 2017, I published the post on the passing of ten months of your eternal sleep oh dear Mum - I used several images taken during the Birthday Party that we held for my youngest brother as he marked a milestone birthday in 2015, where you looked awesome and very grand (as usual) with that beautiful smile again and again. The entry can be reached at URL: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/ten-months-following-gods-call-you-oh-dear-mum-theodora-issa

I have commenced this entry with the following:

Indeed, it was very difficult to go through the days, and weeks leading to, and coming out from these holy celebrations... Yet, we as Christians, part of our DNA is HOPE... our hope in Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ who taught us saying:

• I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man comes unto the Father, but by me. (John 14:6)

In this entry of January 2017, I took refuge in what I have read during the month about successful people by Dr. Bradberry, which I felt all can be applied to what you were doing, being appreciative of what you had, always avoiding to ask 'What if'?, always positive (even when we were at the hospital), squashing negative thoughts, and always re-framing your perspective, breathing, using your support system, disconnecting (even the landline was too much - you did not like using), limiting your caffeine intake, sleeping - though after finishing all the work -:) - I have concluded this entry with a verse from St. Paul's Epistle to the Thessalonians:

'Always be joyful - never stop praying - be thankful in all circumstances' (1 Thess 5:16)

On 2nd February 2017, and on the eleventh month of your eternal sleep, I posted another entry, which I commenced with: "As we mark the Eleventh month without you in flesh amongst us oh Dearest and Beloved Mum... Oh You one of the major and great components of our beloved close-knit family... where my life began, and love never ends - it will never end with your eternal sleep as your spirit is amongst us and guiding us. I am sure you are watching over us - your images are around the house, and we feel your spirit everywhere - in the Garden (which seems to be missing you very dearly), inside the house, at the shops - everywhere - every minute, rather every second we feel you, and we miss you very dearly."

Then moved to share with you the eleven secrets that make people irresistible by Dr. Bradberry, and those as if were tailored to you. You treat everyone with respect, you do not only follow the Golden Rule, but the Platinum Rule, you ditch the small talk, you always focus on people nothing else, you do not try too hard, but everything comes great from your hands, you are authentic, you smile (oh that radiant smile), though irresistible people make effort to look their best, but you always looked your best without any effort, even when you were cleaning the garden -:), you always find a reason to love life.

These roses were bought from the market... it was our first visit to the market without you in flesh with us... so, we bought the lovely red roses that made their way to your final resting place...

In this entry, which can be reached at URL https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/eleventh-month-your-eternal-sleep-oh-mum-theodora-issa I advised you Mum, we (my sister and I) received the news about the publication of some new papers (journals and conference papers)... Work is ongoing on books that you were around in flesh when the agreements were initiated with the publishers. The grandchildren are back at school - changes of schools as some are now going to the higher levels - your grandchild is receiving another excellence award later in February - God bless.

I concluded this encounter, by seeking God's, Our Lady Virgin Mary's, the saints, and your prayers, assuring you of our continuous prayers...always. 

Though it is difficult for my siblings, but I would repeat, this monthly encounter truly helps me to deal with your absence in flesh... so, please tolerate me. Thus, continued with the writing of these entries.

On 12th February 2017, and as we were preparing for the one year memorial service, I posted an entry that I had commenced with the following verse:

“For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep.” (1 Thessalonians 4:14)

Included a version of the invitation to the memorial service and the mercy food thereafter. This entry can be reached at the following URL: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/one-year-memorial-service-bathqyomo-marine-khoury-issa-issa

Indeed, Mum, it is almost a year since your eternal sleep, and I am still feeling the pain, but I am always guided by the Holy Bible, and the verses that ease my pain such as: 

'For I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been thus destroyed, yet in my flesh I shall see God.' (Job 19:25-25)

And I continue to repeat with the Psalmist saying:

'Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I'. (Psalms 61:1-2)

'When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.' (Psalms 94:19) 

In the usual manner, during the month, I read several articles, and saw several images - those images reminded me of you oh Dear Mum... how pleased you were when I came back from the overseas travel and told you that I went to the top of the mountain with snow (in the northern hemisphere) in July 2014!

Indeed,

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. (Philippians 1:21-23) 

As we marked the ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of the eternal sleep of Mum Bathqyomo Marine Khoury-Issa on 18th February 2017, we were supported by the kindness and love of several of our community members and friends locally and overseas.

The table where your image was displayed during the Holy Mass and the memorial service started with your image and some items, including flowers that were received from family overseas... then it became over-flowing with flowers, mercy cookies that denote the love and care of friends and family from here and overseas, and here I am sharing both images:

What a beautiful reputation, great name, and legacy you left behind oh Mum... in line with what is written in the Holy Bible:

'A good name is better than precious ointment, and the day of death than the day of birth.' (Ecclesiastes 7:1)

Following the Holy Mass, the Memorial Service and the Mercy meal, a THANK YOU letter was sent to all those who shared with us this memorial service as follows:

The weekend was concluded with a visit to your final resting place, which was built and with the great efforts of my two brothers it became a reality what we wanted it to look like - hope you like it! - oh dear Mum...

And this image that includes an image from home, from Church and from the final resting place...

As I was surfing the web, you know you will be on my mind, thus, I found this poem under the title ‘MY MOTHER MY ANGEL’ which was published on September 2012 by Kathy J. Parenteau in memory of her mother Shirley A Fowler, which I felt I would share with you.

Once upon a time an angel held my hand,

She wiped away my tears and helped me understand.

Our time on earth is brief, there's lessons to be learned,

Each precious day God gives us another page is turned.

Every chapter full of memories, times of joy and tears,

Triumphs and defeats, through every passing year.

She loved us unconditionally, always by our side,

When no one else would listen, in her we could confide.

With gentle words of wisdom she led us on our way,

Down the paths of righteousness if ever we did stray.

She saw the light in everyone and gave with no regrets,

Always from her heart let's not forget.

Angels come in many forms, for me it is my mother,

With love I cannot say in words there'll never be another.

Every day I turn the page in my heart will ever remain,

Everything she taught me as I stroll down memory lane.

Thank you God for giving me the most priceless of all treasures,

Help my Lord to keep alive her memory here forever.

I pray that I can some day be everything she hoped I would,

That's she smiling down from heaven knowing she did good.

As we gather here today there's no ending to her story,

Another chapter has begun full of grace and glory.

God's called her to his heavenly home, part of his great plan,

Although it may be hard, we all must understand.

Faith is what is hoped for, things we cannot see,

Heaven is promised to all of us if only we believe.

Yes, it is one year since you left us in flesh - and when I read this poem, it describes what I felt on that day the 2nd of March 2016, thus, deriving from Ruth Morris poem published on June 2012:

I held her hand as she silently whispered her goodbye

A last breath as I watched her die

I stroked her hair and wiped her eyes

Wanting so much for them to open and see

That I was alone there in the world

Alone with the agony growing inside of me

I watched those around me shed their tears

And utter their words of sorrow

How could they know that I was dying inside?

I couldn't and you wouldn't - face tomorrow

One last time I kissed your face

And held your hand to touch my cheek

I wanted to carry you away from there

I heard the people all around me

And I walked away - my heart now broken

And tried to face the waiting crowd

Another poem

Mother

We had a wonderful mother, 

One who never really grew old; 

Her smile was made of sunshine, 

And her heart was solid gold; 

Her eyes were as bright as shining stars, 

And in her cheeks fair roses you see. 

We had a wonderful mother, 

And that' s the way it will always be. 

But take heed, because 

She's still keeping an eye on all of us, 

So let's make sure 

She will like what she sees. 

___________________

Gone From Us ...

Gone from us that smiling face,

The cheerful pleasant ways,

The heart that won so many friends,

In bygone, happy days.

A life made beautiful by kindly deeds,

A helping hand for others' needs.

To a beautiful life,

Comes a happy end,

She died as she lived,

Everyone's friend.

Author Unknown

This is an image that I have seen while surfing the web, thinking about you, this month which talks about what I have within me:

As I conclude this post reflecting on the most difficult year in my life, and sure in my siblings and family's lives, to thank my siblings for all the hard work in preparation before, during and after the service, for all those who prayed for the repose of your soul oh Mum, either by holding prayer or memorial service around the world, and of course those who shared with us in person this one year anniversary of your eternal sleep – we know that you are watching over all of us. Here is another poem under the title 'The Watcher' that talks what I feel again!

The Watcher

She always leaned to watch for us

Anxious if we were late,

In winter by the window,

In summer by the gate.

And though we mocked her tenderly

Who had such foolish care,

The long way home would seem more safe,

Because she waited there.

Her thoughts were all so full of us,

She never could forget,

And so I think that where she is

She must be watching yet.

Waiting ‘til we come home to her

Anxious if we are late

Watching from Heaven’s window

Leaning from Heaven’s gate.

Our joys will be greater

Our love will be deeper

Our lives will be fuller

Because we shared your moment

Perhaps they are not 

stars in the sky,

but rather openings

where our loved ones 

shine down

to let us know they 

are happy.

For all the times you gently picked me up,

When I fell down,

For all the times you tied my shoes

And tucked me into bed,

Or needed something

But put me first instead.

For everything we shared,

The dreams, the laughter,

And the tears,

I love you with a Special Love

That deepens every year.

Thank You Mom

Indeed Mum, as another poem would say:

If tears could build a stairway,

and memories a lane, I’d walk

right up to heaven and bring you

home again.

You can shed tears that she is gone

or you can smile because she has lived

You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back

Or you can open your eyes and see all she's left

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her 

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she's gone

or you can cherish her memory and let it live on

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back

or you can do what she'd want:

smile,

open your eyes,

love 

and go on. 

Author Unknown

Mum, please rest assured that we are trying our best to celebrate the occasions and milestones in our family's life... including the birthday of yesterday of one of my siblings... but as I would usually say, no matter what we do we cannot imitate the masterpieces that you were displaying in any occasion that we celebrate.

By the way, the garden is now flourishing with apple, mandarins, olive (thinking how we are to pickle it the same way you did - I know your spirit will help us)... and other plants...

Together with another two of my siblings we received a confirmation from the publisher that the book we co-edited with another two scholars from overseas is currently under final preparation for publication. Thank you for the support!

Grandchildren have gone back to schools/universities - they are doing well - and you should be proud of them all.

Before I conclude this entry, during the Holy Mass and the One Year Memorial Service, we distributed two issues of THE LIGHT, from which I took the following excerpts:

As it is the case with each of the entries that I have done throughout the year, I conclude with verses from the Holy Bible, as this was the discussion that we hold in the afternoon, when we would have coffee at our backyard (when the weather and time permits)... This verse which I keep repeating to myself, and I know you would be telling me the same as I feel troubled...

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27).

Thus, I will keep the peace of the LORD within my heart, as I know through my faith you are in a better place oh dear Mum... God repose your soul.

Until we meet again...

Your eldest daughter

Theodora Issa

PS: I acknowledge the sources that I have used in this entry.

I have done this entry before the 2nd of March, as I was preparing to commence the heavy schedule of this semester at the University (teaching and research)... wish me luck. However, I have done final touches and published on 2nd March 2017 morning before the classes commence... following a stormy and rainy night here in Perth... I think nature is weeping on the 1st anniversary of your eternal sleep oh Dear Mum... Aloho Mhaselekh.