Feed the cheerleader, starve the vampire

“Just because the voice in your head is talking, does not mean it is telling the truth!”

We all have a voice in our head that says horrible things like:

• “You’re not good enough”
• “What's the point, you'll only screw it up anyway”
• “You have no idea what you're doing, it's only a matter of time before everyone finds you out!”

I call that voice the vampire because it sucks all the confidence and self belief out of you and holds you back from being the amazing person you are. It's a hard one to get rid of entirely but these two techniques can help you put it back in it's coffin when you feel it's creepy breath on your neck.

1. Feed your cheerleader

There is also an encouraging voice in your head, I like to call her my cheerleader.

If she is a little bit quiet it is probably because you keep feeding your vampire and not her. It's easy to do, every time you dismiss a compliment, focus on what didn't go well, ruminate over criticism, you are feeding your vampire voice. It's not really surprising that your self talk is so negative if you rarely acknowledge the positive things you do.

I feed my cheerleader by:

• Putting emails that say nice things about me in my 'Feel Good' folder
• Sharing all wins no matter how small with my husband (congrats hugs are the best!)
• Saying thank-you when I get a compliment or positive feedback
• Taking a moment to acknowledge the positive impact I'm having

The key to making this step work is to be vigilant about who you are feeding and be consistent. Cos if it’s the vampire, it will stick around like a stray cat and become even harder to get rid of.

2. Fight Back

Remember the quote above, just because the vampire is speaking does not mean it is telling the truth.

One of the best ways I’ve found to silence mine is to belittle her as much as possible. I always imagine my cheerleader like a big, yellow, chomping pac man and the vampire as a colourless, teeny weeny ghost.

When my vampire starts sucking on my confidence, my cheerleader gets all up in its face and shouts, VERY LOUDLY, about all the awesome things I have done, and all the reasons the vampire is wrong! I’m always feeding her so she has a lot of say.

But there are times when even she is not persuasive enough and I have to bring in the big guns, people like my friends and husband. They are awesome and won't stand for a trash talking vampire.

Sometimes all I need to do is imagine what they would say to that vampire, other times I need to actually hear it and I ask for their help. They always remind me of how great I am and what I have accomplished already.

It feels good knowing people have my back and the vampire hates it!

And remember, if you wouldn't say it to a friend don't say it to yourself.

So if you're plagued by your vampire, take a moment now to email me ([email protected]) three things you are awesome at and I'll send you a reply for your own 'feel good' folder. Let's start feeding your cheerleader!

I'm an executive, team and group coach who helps people in organisations to change the conversations they are having with themselves and others in order to have a positive, intentional and far-reaching impact. Visit www.thinkwithjude.com or drop me a line at [email protected] to find out more.

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My thinking for this piece was inspired by the quote at the top, my clients and my own experience of fighting my vampire.