In a nutshell, the job market nowadays.
"Bryerson Global, the world’s leading employer of people in your chosen field, is seeking candidates with your exact skill set, but not you, to add to our growing team of associates. We’re offering a benefits package and generous compensation to individuals with slightly more experience than you, regardless of how much experience you have, unless you’re the most experienced candidate to apply for this position, in which case we’ll settle for someone with much less.
The ideal applicant is dynamic and creative, with a proven track record of innovation and a face that looks nothing like yours.
Responsibilities
All of the tasks that you were hired to perform at your last place of employment; all the extra tasks you took on at your last place of employment hoping that the added experience would make you competitive for advancement; and several tasks that don’t normally accompany this position but just happen to align with your specific life experience and hobbies, but with one seemingly arbitrary difference that will instantly disqualify you from consideration.
Qualifications
? The exact degree you have, but from a different college.
? Knowledge of Microsoft Word, Excel, and some other crazy program that you would need to already work here to have ever heard of.
? Enthusiasm for the field, but not the way you are expressing enthusiasm; some other way.
? Familiarity with the field-specific program-management tool you actually helped develop at your last job, and a birthday that falls on any day of the year other than yours does.
? Exceptional writing and presentation skills, and a familiarity with key concepts discussed in your eighth-grade English class on the day you missed to get your braces adjusted because you insisted on eating Milk Duds.
? Ability to integrate with a team that quickly bonds over shared fandom of a series of young-adult fantasy novels you haven’t read, who then lose enthusiasm for the series just as you start reading it, instead embracing a television show on a streaming service to which you do not subscribe."
https://nyer.cm/kgfi62Z
In New Yorker Humor: The world’s leading employer of people in your chosen field is seeking candidates with your exact skill set—but not you—to add to its growing team of associates.
Now Hiring: Not You
newyorker.com
This is so cool