Quy Langridge-Tien ?的动态

I recently followed the Idibia family saga, and my heart went out to Annie Idibia, the wife of the renowned Nigerian musician 2Baba (formerly known as 2Face Idibia). For those unfamiliar, 2Baba is the musical genius behind the iconic hit African Queen. So why did this story catch my attention? Because of the countless chances Annie has given her husband—a reflection, perhaps, of her loyalty or deep love. Let me clarify: I’m not here to cast stones or pick sides. After all, no one truly knows what goes on behind closed doors. But if reports are accurate—that Annie had to be admitted into rehab following her husband’s Instagram announcement about a divorce—then perhaps it’s time we, as a society, rethink our approach to love. I’m no love expert or relationship guru, but here’s one truth life has taught me: You cannot love someone else if you don’t know how to love yourself. It’s simply impossible. How can you recognize love if you’ve never defined it for yourself? Let’s call this “the things no one taught us about love.” Shall we? For inspiration, I borrow from one of my favorite authors, Vex King. Unless you heal from your childhood traumas and attachment wounds, you’ll continue to attract toxic relationships. There’s a saying: If you weren’t fed love with a spoon, you’ll learn to lick it off knives. Here’s a psychological truth: our relationships with childhood caregivers significantly shape who we are as adults. How securely or insecurely we bonded with them determines our attachment styles. And if we don’t address these deep-seated issues, guess what? Our romantic relationships will do it for us—sometimes painfully. One of the hardest lessons to learn is that attachment is not the same as love. Attachment stems from fear and dependency. It’s often rooted in the love we lack for ourselves rather than the love we have for another. True love, on the other hand, is pure because it isn’t about filling an emotional void or taking from others. It’s about giving freely—because you’re already whole. Until you truly love yourself, you’ll endlessly chase love in others, only to come up empty-handed. Contrary to what movies and love songs preach, no one can “complete” you. You are already complete as you are. People enter your life to complement you—not to fill your gaps or make you whole. To love someone doesn’t mean to own them. Love isn’t about possession, control, or losing yourself in another person. How you love yourself teaches others how to love you in return. Here’s why self-love is vital: You are the only person who will never leave your side. You are your longest companion, your constant presence. This is the relationship you must nurture the most. So take a step back, reflect, and pour into yourself. Because the love you give to others can only be as pure as the love you give to yourself. Namaste????

LOVE IS SUPREME Let me start by saying that this is my first 'official' post on LinkedIn. My previous posts have been contributions to 'INVITATION ARTICLES' from LinkedIn. And what better way to begin this journey than to write about love, yes, that four-letter word L-O-V-E, which can loosely be described as an intense, deep affection for another person. Love can also refer to liking something a lot. However, today's post is not to teach you about the meaning of love, rather it's to highlight that we can get a lot more done by simply allowing love to take charge. Yes it's that simple. In this context, I’m talking about love in its natural form, GENUINE, UNCONDITIONAL and UNPRETENTIOUS. The kind of love a parent feels for an offspring, the love that binds siblings together, the love that unites families at all times, come rain come shine and of course the love between friends that is devoid of competition. Generally, love presents an atmosphere to just be yourself and even where one person commits an infraction against the other, the issues are sorted out amicably without making one of the parties feel less human. So, what's the point I’m trying to make, - When next you want to scold that child over a misdemeanor, remember that your words and actions, if not properly handled could have a lasting effect on the child's self-confidence and indeed mental health. -When next you want to assert your position in a relationship or on a job, take the honorable path of being humane, as words often have far greater consequences than intended. -When next you feel like squaring it up with that person who got you 'enraged', why not just talk it over first, you'll be surprised how this could cool down already frayed nerves. -When next you think war is better that peace, why don't you take a moment to study any of the religious books, which are abound with scripture on the gains of peace and inevitably love. Mind you, this is by no means an exhaustive list on the various ways love could save the day, but these are the ones that readily come to mind now. On this lovely note, let me stop here for now, and hopefully, I should do this more frequently. And if for any reason, that doesn’t happen, just call my attention to it in a loving manner….??

I met with a friend the other day.?He hasn’t dated much, and is now in his early 30s.?He has a new girlfriend in his life. “I just don’t know.” he said.?“I always thought it’d be love at first sight, you know, like the movies.?I mean, I like her and all, I just don’t know if she’s the ‘one’.” “I understand.” I responded.?“And, life isn’t like the movies.?And love doesn’t always come at first sight.?Sometimes, it takes time to root in, to blossom, to grow.?You may not know if she’s the ‘one’ right now, but in due time, you will.?In the end, love is a choice.?You get to choose if she’s the right one for you.” In our get-everything-quick, right-now, no-waiting-at-all culture, this answer didn’t satisfy. But, having been married for 25 years, I can honestly say that I’m right.?Love isn’t like the movies.?Love isn’t always at first sight.?Sometimes it takes time to know.?It takes years to root in.?It takes a lifetime to grow.?And, love is a choice.?As humans, we don’t always want to show love towards others, especially the ones closest to us.?The closer we are to people, the more humanness, annoyances, and deficiencies we see.?So, we must make the decision again and again, to love. Sometimes, that decision is easy.?Sometimes, it’s hard.?But it’s always a choice.?In the covenant of marriage, you made that choice on your wedding day when you said, “I do.”?And thus, you shall.?For my friend who’s still deciding if she’s right for him, he gets to decide whether to pursue loving her or not. For humanity, we also get to decide.?To the person who cuts you off in traffic, or treats you rudely on the phone, or insults your character or competency…we must choose love.?In today’s world, there’s so much hate.?So much division.?So much disunity. So, let’s be different. Let’s be kind. Let’s choose love. To those who’ve said “I do”, you’ve made your choice. It means “I choose you.” It means “I will not give up on you.” Read the full blog here: https://lnkd.in/gHSzTChS

When I was in my early teens I had a mad crush on a boy. The subject of my love (the boy) changed pretty regularly. What remained constant was the mad crush. I felt like I would do anything to make him happy. I loved every little thing about him, even his quirks. I wanted to give him everything. Until I lost interest, met another boy and began again. The thrill and devastation of the mad crush roller coaster. One day, in that vast, cold, gray, dry, empty expanse between one crush and another, I wondered if I had ever felt that mad love for myself. Would I do anything to make me happy? Could I love every little thing about me, even my quirks? Would I give me anything? I decided it was time to set aside the boy crushes and instead nurture a new kind of love. It seemed like a better investment of my time and energy to love someone I would always have by me, who would never neither bore me nor leave me. Thus began a shift in my perspective. I wasn’t dieting because a boy wanted me to be thinner. I was eating better because I wanted to be healthy. I was taking care of myself. If someone wasn’t sure how they felt for me or wanted me to be someone I wasn't, rather than wanting to cling and desperately figure out how I could make them love me, I instead felt I deserved better. I stopped being interested in those who weren’t interested in me. Instead of wondering how on Earth I could be good enough to deserve someone’s unconditional love I became pickier about who I loved. This selectiveness did not come from a place of arrogance but from a place of self esteem. I became more comfortable with uncertainty because I trusted I could probably figure out how to deal with whatever happened next. I began to believe in myself, because that's what you do when you love someone. I have learned the importance of spending time alone because I need to reduce background noise so I can listen to myself. How am I feeling? What do I need? What is it that I’m trying to tell me? I recognize where I need help and give myself the space and the tools to bolster those areas without judgement and without being hard on myself. For example, I have a tendency towards anxiety, so I search for things that calm me (I try to go to yoga several times a week and pay attention to how I’m breathing). I try to be what I am looking for. I want to be loved with a love that is true and deep and stable. I want someone who will always want what is best for me. I want someone I can count on. That’s what I work on becoming for myself. #emotionalintelligence #selflove #selfawareness #inclusive #diversity

I LOVE YOU ?? Okay now rest those raised eyebrows and read further. Love does not need any other emotion to fuel ? it nor complete it. Jealousy, hate, anger can be a reaction to an attachment and then that is when you know it's not love!! It's not love that creates insecurity, it's relationship issues that cause reactions. Love is a noun and a relationship is a verb. Once loved, always loved, regardless. By love, I mean an emotion and not necessarily wanting a relationship. You may ask, what's the use of such a love? My answer is, love has no needs and wants, so where is the question of it being useful or wasteful? All the reactions arise only when you wish for a relationship. And love is not enough to run a relationship. It needs effort in different areas. Also LOVING SOMEONE AND BEING IN LOVE WITH THEM ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS. In most families we see the former instead of the latter because it's a relationship. It's normal to gravitate between the two whilst in a relationship. When you say you love someone, you are talking about a connection which can be general. NOUN. And when you say you are in love with someone, you are talking about a love that has relationship potential and is specific. VERB. Love tends to hurt only when you want a relationship and it's not possible or you are in a dysfunctional relationship. Once you separate love from relationships, you can choose to love without attachments and still find peace and joy in connections. Note -I didn't say relations. However, there is only one universal truth. ONLY LOVE HEALS. Before you flash your ?? to look for someone, know that ONLY YOU CAN HEAL YOURSELF. WHY? Because only you can let go of the inner resistance to self love which is mandatory to be able to give and receive love in a healthy manner. Others can help you but cannot do it for you. So, if this is a reason for your loneliness and wanting a relationship, know that you may miss the ?? of genuine love. Love is not transactional. Relationships are definitely conditional. And you need both for a fulfilling experience. #psychologistkavitapanyam #psychology #linkedinexpert #emotionalwellbeing #manageyouremotions #psychologistsofinstagram #emotions #love

My Title: Love Gone Wrong Author's Title: Tainted love Source:https://lnkd.in/gWZ2Rjac My conc: Love is a complex and powerful force, deeply intertwined with our well-being and relationships. While it brings immense joy and fulfillment, it also carries the potential for manipulation and harm, revealing a darker side that is often overlooked. Despite its challenges, love remains a fundamental and deeply personal experience, shaped by both biological drives and individual perspectives, reminding us that its true nature is both wondrous and multifaceted. Jealousy is a protective emotion that has evolved to safeguard our relationships by alerting us to potential threats. While both men and women experience jealousy with similar intensity, they respond differently to sexual and emotional infidelity due to their distinct reproductive investments. Men are more troubled by sexual infidelity, fearing the loss of their chance to father children, while women are more concerned with emotional infidelity, as it threatens the resources and protection needed for their offspring. This gender-based difference highlights the deep evolutionary roots of jealousy in human relationships. Jealousy can highlight threats to our relationships and guide our actions for better or worse. Emotional intelligence, essential for healthy relationships, can also be misused to control others by exploiting their emotional needs. While it helps us understand and support our partners, it can also become a tool for manipulation. The Dark Triad personality traits—narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism—are linked to destructive relationship behaviors and control tactics, such as abuse and gaslighting. Despite the harm they cause, these traits persist because they offer some survival advantage, illustrating the complex interplay of evolution and individual behavior. Cultural beliefs about romantic love often trap individuals in abusive relationships by reinforcing ideals of unwavering commitment and self-sacrifice, despite the harm. This romantic narrative, coupled with the powerful need for love, creates vulnerability to abuse. As we understand more about the chemistry of love, including the potential of substances like oxytocin and MDMA to influence emotions and relationships, the idea of manipulating love through science becomes increasingly plausible. Love drugs like oxytocin and MDMA present promising but ethically complex possibilities for influencing emotions and relationships. While they offer potential benefits, their effects can be unpredictable and may raise ethical concerns about manipulation and control. The broader challenge lies in reconciling the idealistic narratives of love with its evolutionary purpose and potential for misuse. Understanding love in its full complexity—both its positive and darker aspects—is essential for navigating its role in our lives and relationships. #Aeon #psychology #love #friendship

How Parentlessnes affects our Psyche, I know LinkedIn is a “Professional Platform”, but as a Professional, this is what struggle with and I suspect many others do as well, hopefully this post helps. There’s a certain attitude I have been dealing with personally, towards my meaningful relationships. For some time, I have noted that as much as I am committed and am loyal, I wrestle with the idea of needing to plan for when they abandon me. I also underplay how certain harmful behaviours from others affect me. Subsequently I do two things: 1. I talk myself into what I would need to do to heal and what I should do now to minimise the pain, in case the relationships don’t work out. All types of meaningful relationships I have. The only one I don’t do that is with my kids. 2. I also remind myself that no one owes me any love, I should be grateful to be loved or cared for by anyone. True and helpful as this is, it takes away something fundamental regarding my value, that is deservedness. That I deserve to be loved. This Deservedness aspect is what I am grappling with the most often. I have often reflected on this notion. That : “if I never experienced the love of my biological parents in a way that makes me secure, safe, loved and deserving Pfizer that love, how do I know if other peoples love is genuine?” I think there’s a certain aspect of sacredness with the love that comes from our parents and our siblings, but more our parents. It gives a framework of certainty about why we deserve love. Part of it is we are them, we are like them and they’re part of us. When they love us in a way that is assuring, we are assured that we deserve love. There’s strong security about who we are that stems from that love. When we don’t receive such love, love remains a mystery that we can only understand through faith. We wonder if our parents who had a sacred uncharitable compelling reason to love us as their own, why would others? We are left with Faith that others they love us even though we are not like them. It is a striving process that doesn’t escape the imprint of suspicion on our subconscious mind. Suspicion caused by fear that if our biological parents didn’t find us worthy of love, it is only a matter of time before others discover that we don’t deserve their love. There’s almost a permanent cognitive dissonance caused by the biological lovelessness. It remains difficult to find security in the love others have for us, because if our biological parents couldn’t or love of show us love, why would others? My prayer for you is that you heal and finally live in the love that others have for you without guilt, shame, fear and mystery unless that mystery is enthusiastic anticipation. It is a journey of faith and healing. Faith in others and healing for ourselves. Be well!

I watched a video on YouTube and it said that we also deserve to have stable and secure love attachments in relationships. Anxious-avoidant attachment style is one that my parents taught me how to do. I don't know how, I am yet to find out the how but it replayed itself in so many of my talking stages with men I met and even my previous relationship. Of late usually when I wake up, I would be talking about childhood trauma, me and maguyy, how I am beginning to understand him even though I couldn't still be with him because I was suffering whilst with him. Truth be told I wasn't happy when I was with him. It was very painful and I was scared of losing him. Anyways I realise after some research that I need to leave him because this attachment style is not helping. He used to act like he didn't love me, it was later when I broke up with him then he started realising that he still loves me. This is the avoidant style. I must admit that in the beginning, I was the avoidant and he was anxiously chasing me. It was nice to be chased but I realised later on that chasing someone to love you is an indication of lack of self love. Okay so love is meant to be stable, void of worries, anxiety. Love means your needs and wants are directly catered for by the other partner without any form of manipulation. Love means deep assurance that you are loved and that everything about you is validated and approved. Love is secure. Love is joy. Love is smiles all over your face. Love is sweetness. Love is true happiness with your partner where both of you are happy with each other, you feel safe and secure in each other's company. Love is trust and a strong belief and faith in someone. Love is loyalty. Love is compassion, intimacy, the ability to be vulnerable with your life partner.

1118 rape cases have already been registered since the horrific case in Kolkata on 9th August and another rape case is probably being registered while I am writing this post. There are a large number of people who have the same mindset as the one who committed the horrific crime in Kolkata but 99.99% are afraid or do not get the opportunity to commit the crime and hence are not able to do so. All this people are potential criminals and rapists in our society roaming around streets just as common man and hence the next rape case can happen anytime anywhere with anyone untill and unless we as a society understand the root cause of the problem and find effective solutions. Along with 1) Better law and Order 2) Strict Punishment. 3) Judiciary giving justice in a time bound manner. We should also focus on 1) How we should focus on installing good values and thinking in our children's and make them better human beings first and later an Engineer, Doctor, CA etc 2) The trainee doctor was educated and had put in so much time in her studies but she could not protect herself as she didn't learn self defense and it's high time self defense should be made mandatory for children especially girls from school only. 3) Many people want the whole Society to become noble and honest but they themselves are not even ready to accept their own and their loved ones mistakes forget about correcting the mistakes. parents should make sure their children are not becoming someone who can commit such as henious crime in future. After Nirbhaya case in 2012 there was anger and outrage, thousands of people carried out Candel March and protested on streets all across India and demanded justice and a safer society for women but after 12 years we as a society are in an even worse situation with respect to women safety. please watch this video where Acharya Prashant is talking to a Medical Professional and you will actually uderstand what is the real problem underlying rape cases and what can be the effective and permanent solutions to this crime against humanity we call rape. https://lnkd.in/gSvG4k5C

Lessons I Learned in 2024 1. You cannot make—nor can you convince—someone to love you. Any attempt to do so is manipulative. Let go. 2. You don’t have to accept the idea of what you once believed to be love. 3. Your trauma mind is probably lying to you. 4. You’re going to wish that you had cherished your previous relationships more than you did. 5. You’re going to wish that you had treated your ex better. Apologizing isn’t always appropriate. Sometimes your apology is to leave them alone. 6. If you aren’t promoted and you know that you deserve to be promoted, it’s because they don’t want to promote you or because they don’t have the option to promote you. Look somewhere else. 7. Your loneliness and fear will drive you to your deepest regrets. Learn how to cope. Learn how to be self-sufficient. 8. Lacking boundaries doesn’t make you the “bigger” person. 9. Document. Everything. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. 10. Question. Everything. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. 11. Closure isn’t real. 12. They’re probably only sorry because they feel guilty. 13. Closure isn’t real and they’re probably only sorry because they feel guilty. 14. Just because you’re falling in love doesn’t mean they’re falling in love. 15. You’re allowed to want the type of love you dream about. You’re allowed to expect the type of love you dream about. 16. If you’re desperate for connection, any attention will convince you that it is love. 17. What are facts? What are fears? One is true. One is uncertainty. 18. If there is no evidence, gather evidence. 19. You can learn anything. Apply for the job. Know your value. 20. Learn to say no.