I Made a Choice

Mother's Day is a day to celebrate motherhood and acknowledge the incredible impact that being a mother has on our lives. As I reflect on this day and what it means to me personally, I return to this seemingly simple statement, “I made a choice”.

I had the good fortune (and good timing) of being able to choose how to build my family and how to be a mother. As the proud mother of two biological children, an adopted child, and a mother who chose to have an abortion at 19 weeks into my pregnancy, this day holds a unique significance for me.

It seems that America currently is obsessed with giving birth, but I don’t hear much about embracing or protecting motherhood. I want to do that by sharing my personal experience of motherhood and reflecting on what it means to be a mother in different circumstances.

The path to motherhood is a journey that is filled with joys and challenges. It is a privilege that I cherish and am grateful for every day. But I want to be clear that my path was one that was marked by intentional choices. I know that it was these choices that enabled me to experience the joys of motherhood in ways that are unique to me and my family.

Giving birth to my biological children gave me some of the most incredible moments of my life. Holding my newborn baby for the first time was a feeling that is hard to put into words. The love and connection that I felt with my child were indescribable, and I knew from that moment on that my life would never be the same.

Similarly, the experience of adopting my second child was also a joyous one. The process of adoption had its challenges, but the love and bond that I share with my adopted child are just as strong, if not stronger at times, than those I feel for my biological children. Seeing my second child struggle with finding his place in the world and then growing into a happily married adult, thriving in his own life, is a source of immense joy and pride.

While motherhood is beautiful, it also comes with all the concurrent trials and challenges. As a mother, I have faced my fair share of difficult moments. The sleepless nights, the tantrums, the endless laundry, the teenagers! - these are all part of being a mother.

But I also view one of the most challenging experiences that I have had as a mother, also to be part of motherhood. When I made the choice not to give birth, and the difficult decision to undergo an abortion, it was a decision that I did not take lightly, and it was one that was made after much soul-searching. I had a stable marriage and resources. And my husband and I desperately wanted a third child. But carrying this pregnancy to term was not right for our family, for many reasons. I made this choice as a mother. This, also, is a part of motherhood.

This experience was emotionally and physically wrenching. It was one of the most difficult times of my life and one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. But I also know this to be true: making that decision made me a better mother to my living children and to my unborn child. I am eternally grateful that I had the opportunity to choose the type of mother I would be and family I would have, along with the support and love of those around me that support me speaking up for the rights of motherhood. It was a reminder to me that motherhood is not always straightforward and doesn’t always look like we expect it to.

The journey of motherhood is unique for each of us, and mine is no exception. My experience of motherhood has been shaped by three of the most amazing children, each of whom entered my life in vastly different ways and have each put their individual stamp on my heart.

The experience of giving birth to my biological children was transformative, and one that I will always cherish. Adopting my second child was a journey filled with challenges but also with love and joy. The decision to have an abortion at 19 weeks into my pregnancy and not to bring a child into the world was a difficult one, but it was a decision that was made with love, compassion, and a deep sense of loss. For me, this combination of love, compassion and loss is the reality of motherhood that goes beyond that moment of birth.

On this Mother's Day, I celebrate the three amazing young men that I raised and the two incredible daughters I gained as they have married. And I mourn the child that was never born.?I celebrate all mothers, no matter what your journey has been. Whether you are a biological mother, an adoptive mother, or a mother who has faced wrenching decisions, know that your love and devotion are appreciated and valued.

Happy Mother's Day to all the amazing mothers out there!