Here's how you can navigate giving feedback to a defensive colleague.

Preparing before giving feedback is crucial. Consider the specific behaviors or outcomes you want to address, avoiding personal traits that may trigger defensiveness. For instance, instead of labeling someone as "not a team player," you could highlight that "in meetings, your input often overshadows others' ideas." This approach focuses on actions, making it clear the feedback is about improving interactions, not critiquing character. By using clear examples, you can help your colleague understand the feedback more constructively, paving the way for a more productive conversation.

Invite dialogue by asking open-ended questions, such as, 'How do you think we can ensure everyone's ideas are heard?' This encourages collaboration and shows that you value their input on finding a solution.

When giving feedback to a defensive colleague, it is helpful to encourage them to do most of the talking while you guide the conversation. Ask them to reflect on what went wrong and where improvements could be made. Even if they initially make excuses, this approach can lead to moments of self-awareness and personal insight. It's important to focus on their growth and improvement rather than manipulating them and to capitalize on these moments positively and genuinely. By fostering open dialogue and guiding them towards self-reflection, you can help them recognize areas for development and enhance their performance.

Simply, think before you speak. Words have consequences. If it's important to provide feedback (and it is), it's equally important to think first, before providing the feedback. Think ahead, not only about what you are going to say, think also about how you will communicate it as well as how it may be received.

Preparing for a conversation with a colleague is crucial to ensure a productive and respectful discussion. - Clearly define what you want to say and how you can convey it without triggering defensiveness. - Instead of attacking personal traits, focus on specific behaviors or outcomes.

Timing: earlier and in a moment is better than sandbagging. Ask a question as soon as possible in an example of the behavior you are noticing. Example: “hey Joe, what would you do differently in the sales meeting if you could do again?” Often they know what to improve, yet need more tangible coaching on how to. Then give a fact-based example like “you interrupted the client 3 times, let them talk so you hear any objections to the sale…” Focus the feedback on tangible actions not broad sweeping statements or labels… and tie to what they care about. Shower them in specifics they did well after.

Schedule a dedicated time for the conversation rather than bringing it up spontaneously. This shows respect for your colleague's time and ensures they are mentally prepared for the discussion.

Choosing the right moment to give feedback is crucial. - Look for a time when your colleague is least likely to be stressed or overwhelmed. - Opt for a private and neutral space where they will feel safe to listen and respond. - Avoid public settings which could embarrass them and trigger a defensive reaction.

The right timing for feedback is when a colleague and you are feeling connected; trusting; open. As a leader, you can try to create that relationship with your words, actions, and deeds. Even if it takes a little while, it will be worth the effort, because a colleague who trusts you will listen to what you have to say.

Be prepared to listen actively to their perspective. Show empathy by validating their feelings and working together to find constructive solutions that benefit both the individual and the team.

When initiating a feedback conversation, leading with empathy is crucial. - Recognize that receiving feedback can be difficult and reassure your colleague that your intention is to support their growth. - Express how their actions affect you and the team, avoiding accusatory "you" statements. - This approach demonstrates consideration for their feelings and promotes a more receptive response.

One way to add specificity is to use the less/more/start/stop framework. - DO LESS is where you mention behaviors that can be bad when they do them too much. For example, speaking in meetings is good but can be negative when done too much. - DO MORE is where you mention behaviors that they do at times but should do more. For example, perhaps they sometimes compliment and acknowledge others but should do it more. - START are behaviors that they are not doing that they should. For example, start active listening and letting people know you are hearing what they are saying. - STOP are behaviors that they do but they should stop. Interrupting others is an example here.

To effectively address behavioral issues, it is crucial to be specific and concrete in your feedback. - Provide concrete examples of the behavior that needs to change. - Provide a clear path for improvement, which can be encouraging rather than disheartening.

When giving feedback to defensive colleagues, it is crucial to be specific. Avoid vague comments and provide concrete examples of the behavior that needs improvement. By highlighting the impact of their actions on the team or project, you help them see the issue from a different perspective. Being specific not only reduces misunderstandings but also provides a clear path for improvement, motivating them to make positive changes. Remember, specificity is key to effective feedback.

When presenting feedback to a colleague, it is crucial to give them the opportunity to share their perspective. - Give your colleague the chance to express their thoughts and feelings. - They may provide context you weren't aware of or express concerns that need addressing.

I'm going to suggest something that will almost always pre-empt such instances of defensiveness. As managers, most of us tend to skew towards negative or constructive feedback, i.e. we always point out things that don't go well, but are far more reticent to highlight successes. We also tend to save feedback for the HR-mandated annual discussion, when there's possibly a bonus, increment, or promotion on the line. The latter will naturally inspire resistance and argument. If we can establish a discipline of having more frequent feedback check-ins, and ensure that we highlight both the good and the not-so-good, we are far less likely to face a resistant listener.

Be direct, don’t obfuscate. One has to take the bill by its horns in such cases or you will end up creating a whole milegi of whataboutery. Defensive strategies often mask incompetences& nothing can gained unless these are addressed strongly. Yet be a leader who discusses this incompetency in context of the ecosystem- how it’s adversely impacting outcomes, and contrary to defensive colleague’s arguments share it’s not working for the team or firm. Adopt a clear, neutral tone and temperate phrasing. If the defensive argument is stuck to, repeat but don’t go down the rabbit hole. Leave at that and ask your defensive colleague to rethink how the outcome can be better in a future final review. Don’t soften but be willing to give a final chance.

The points raised in the article are completely correct, but in the process of feedback to a colleague who is often defensive, unforeseen events may occur that affect the entire negotiation. For example, expressing open issues that have already remained. It seems that in this situation you have to be more patient than you imagined and maybe you need to solve the past problems first and then raise new issues.

Highlight potential solutions and invite collaboration. Instead of solely pointing out the issue, suggest possible solutions and invite your colleague to discuss them together. For example, after providing feedback on their dominating behavior in meetings, you could say, "I'd like to hear your thoughts on how we can ensure everyone's ideas are heard more equally in our meetings. What strategies do you think could help?" This approach encourages your colleague to actively engage in problem-solving, fostering ownership of the issue and increasing the likelihood of constructive change without defensiveness.

An atmosphere of this nature needs to be built into the organization culture with the executive leadership leading by example. The organization leaders need to support people managers in facilitating and open and transparent environment where feedback is used for development rather than a weapon and becomes a way of life. This would mean a positive and open development culture not just amongst managers but also amongst employee groups where every interaction becomes a learning experience. Ultimately this becomes less about the process but rather about a mindset change that once imbibed into the organization‘s DNA leads to great benefits.