Welcome on-board! Again.

Last week, like many others, I read the comments made by The Duchess of Sussex with a mixture of surprise and relief. A woman returning to her work life with every resource at her fingertips referring to her new role as a mother as “a struggle”. It resonated with me so deeply that I felt compelled to put pen to paper- or rather, former manicured finger to keyboard.

The negativity around Meghan’s interview has been quite extraordinary- why should she find it a struggle? Surely if I had that much cash, not forgetting the nanny, the driver, the PT, the chef, without even touching on the private secretary, the jet, the stylist, the hairdresser etc. I’d find it a breeze, right? Wrong. Becoming a parent has a deep and profound effect on you regardless of who you are. In that moment when your child is placed in your arms everything changes. Your purpose changes, your priorities change, if you carry your baby yourself it is scientifically proven that physical changes occur in the brain. Put simply you are not the same person anymore. Scientists who have mapped the maternal brain have shown that the very structure of the brain alters neurologically in the prefrontal cortex, becoming more concentrated and heightened to their surroundings. In other words, “baby brain” exists and what’s more? It can last for two years.

What’s this got to do with on boarding I hear you ask. Well, I think it’s pretty significant especially as a HR professional considering parental leave returners. We can also learn to harness new parent behaviours such as responsiveness and empathy to benefit our workplaces. From experience, firms are incredibly supportive and generous when it comes to waving off an employee to start this crazy parenting adventure. I remember feeling like I’d won an Oscar as I loaded up my car with flowers, gifts, balloons and well wishes before driving off into the maternity leave sunset. Keep in touch days were great, I drunk hot coffee, got a good lowdown on the business from my stakeholders and bored everyone with the relentless stream of baby photos. The day soon arrived for me to return to post and suddenly my sunset drive had morphed into the highway to hell. Why? I was not the same person who left my role.

The assumption businesses make with all parental leave returners is that nothing has changed, when in fact, everything has changed. I stepped into the office and my desk was still there, my log-in worked, my mug was still in the kitchen “it’s like you’ve never been away” a colleague exclaimed. I smiled and said it was good to be back, it was. I had spent all of my maternity leave trying to get to grips with something exhausting and completely alien to me, I’d eaten a lot of cake, done a lot of online shopping, read a mountain of parenting manuals and even attended some event in a church hall where I sat around with a load of strangers talking about mashing vegetables. I was now back in familiar territory, or was I? Picking up where I left off was way harder than I ever expected and I started to question my abilities, sleep deprivation (on average 44 days lost in a baby’s first year) meant that this negativity spiralled and I believed that I was an awful mother and an underperforming professional. I see now that neither were true, in fact quite the opposite. This made me think about what support I believe businesses could put in place for parental returners, especially if workplace wellbeing and employee engagement is at the forefront of your HR agenda.

Parental Mentors

The return to work can be full of challenges and countless disruptions for new parents, peer group support I feel is vital. Organisations like the NCT provide great support outside of office life, but how about in the workplace? Other colleagues will have experienced the rollercoaster of emotions, the guilt, and tried to find the balance. They’ll understand the mental load and how to manage it- this is a path well-trodden. Use your workforce resources to support your returner for regular “catch ups”. Teammates will want to support, and practical support will work wonders. Perhaps formalise weekly meetings moving to fortnightly for at least the first 90 days. The 90-day dip is as relevant for a returner as it is for a brand-new hire.

Flexible Working

I mean real flexible working- reduced hours that are set is called part time! Parental leave returners are incredibly diligent for more reasons that I can list! Where possible, set regular objectives and let the individual own it and make it work. A number of my stakeholders are based in The USA and I am able to work with them outside of the 9-5 UK day. Sometimes a moment of clarity hits me at 9pm so I log on and act on it and more importantly, I’m supported to do so. Equally if I have a disastrous morning with my toddler and late nursery drop off, it’s not a problem. Results orientated work environments (ROWE) do work!

FlexJobs CEO and Founder, Sara Sutton Fell (Forbes 2019) quoted: ”By making flexible work options more readily available for all workers, both men, and women, we create a more equitable workforce and reduce the friction between work and life that affects many more women than men.” The CIPD and HR Magazine explain that trust seems to be the main issue preventing employers from creating and making flexible working more readily available. And this starts with senior employees. Let’s start exploring trust and technology to harness working successfully, businesses that do also notice a drop in absenteeism and sickness.

Absence Support

Having a child in your life brings so much joy, it also brings so much illness and misery you start to wonder what it was like to feel fit and well. Nurseries and schools warn you, friends will warn you, but you don’t believe either! The infections picked up by a toddler often manifest themselves in an adult and a simple cold can become something far more unpleasant. Apart from being incredibly debilitating for your returner, consistent illness is depressing and stressful, so as an employer you need to take care of both the physical and mental wellbeing of your workforce. If your HRIS automates absenteeism reports, consider how you manage and communicate absenteeism meetings with returners. Even consider a different and more reasonable approach.

According to Working families.Org, time off needs to be a balance between what is necessary and what is reasonable considering the circumstances. Of course, I understand that it can cause disruption and inconvenience to the business and something which should be taken into account when determining how much time off is ‘reasonable’ when you have to deal with an emergency or sudden unexpected circumstance. When determining what is reasonable for a working parent, perhaps it is prudent to consider the below questions:

• Have we created an open and truly flexibly working approach for our staff, are the tools in place?
• Could we consider staggered or compressed hours looking at a core hours model?
• Does our wellbeing strategy signpost to medical, mental and physical solutions, inoculations, counsellors, chiropractors etc.?

Promoting Belonging

It’s not rocket science to know that employees who feel that they belong are more engaged. Businesses need to promote this inclusivity; processes need to be put in place to prepare a team for a parental returner as much as welcoming that individual colleague back into the business. Team Leaders and Managers need to anticipate the unexpected, have tools and processes in place in order to manage business expectations and pre-empt. Strategic re-on boarding should become normal and duty of care should not be an afterthought. Employers, be mindful of your returners, take care of them and still ask those who appear to be taking it all in their stride how they’re doing. One of the saddest things gauged from the Duchess of Sussex’s television interview was when she said that few people asked if she was OK. My advice is: don’t assume and keep asking.

Footnote

This is a topic I feel very strongly about so welcome your thoughts or suggestions on how re-on boarding parental leave employees can be improved, I hope to be part of some events on this topic in the near future details of which, I’ll share on my profile.