I am a recovering toxic leader. How to recognise the signs in yourself and others

Recovering toxic leader? Huh?

I recently had a very jarring experience working with a senior leader that was displaying highly toxic behaviour, it must be said that in my short time as a full-time consultant I have come across many different kinds of people, the majority of them in SU land are extremely passionate, hardworking and caring individuals. However my recent experience was jarring because it made me come face-to-face with the kind of leader that I could have become and that I never want to be.

I remember it as if it were yesterday, the year was 2000 and something and I was sat in a cafeteria on campus with my line manager, I was reading through a document that he gave me with utter despair, shock and embarrassment. The document consisted of statements from my team, who were bravely sharing their stories and examples of what a terrible boss and leader I had been for them. Over the course of 20 odd months I had gone from having a department with myself and an intern; to having a Campaigns and Democracy department with 7-8 staff - and we were smashing it, helping the officers and reps to create all the change and breaking every election record going.

Over that 20 month period I had abruptly lost both of my parents and thrown myself into work, only taking the minimum amount of bereavement leave - it was one of the worst times of my life. Work was not the answer, my inner toxic traits had been exacerbated and were flourishing - I was being a very poor leader - so whilst I could point to the successful KPIs, I was making my team members' working life a complete misery. Reading through and listening to my manager discussing the next steps, which was to put me on performance management measures I knew that it wasn't going to work and I had to take a break. So, in my mid twenties I took a 3.5 month career sabbatical - I decided I was going to go back and prove myself to be the leader I thought I was once I returned. So I burned through what little inheritance my parents left me to take a career break, get healthy and consume all the knowledge I could about leadership and organisational culture.

With that experience started a journey of self-development, that has not ended and led me to where I am today, running a consultancy business and studying an MBA Psychology.

Let's take a look at the signs of toxic leadership in SUs:

Controlling behaviour that goes way beyond micromanagement

Sometimes close management of people and projects is needed but not all the time, and certainly if leaders want to make the most of their time. If you notice signs that you or one of your leaders can't let go of the little details in running a project or managing a relationship then you/your leader may be displaying signs of toxic leadership.

What should leaders do in this situation? Trust your team to achieve the outcomes/targets you are looking for - you may be more experienced and you may have had success in the past but there is more than one way to run an election!

Lies, damn lies and leaving out certain truths

This is a master manipulator move and links back to the need to control. If you are looking for a staff member to do something and lie to them to get them to do it how can you call yourself a leader? So like "oh I asked Joe Bloggs at the Uni and they said we couldn't do that", knowing fine well that's not the case. Or only acknowledging facts that prove your point of view or spinning the truth after the fact to get you your own way. This is an abuse of your power, as is not respecting people's boundaries.

Good and great leaders have to learn to practice authenticity and radical honesty. This is not an easy skill to craft but there is some useful reading that can be done to support your development. Teams and people respond to truth, authenticity and vulnerability - gone are the days of the stiff upper lip (or they are at least being left behind)

Not modelling a self-care mindset

This can feed into two closely related toxic issues in organisations; presenteeism and absenteeism. If you our your leader presents themselves as indispensable to the organisation and therefore attends work when ill or not feeling well this is not good leadership. Leaders should be role-modelling taking sick leave (if they need it) and making time in the day for lunch and appointments relating to their health. A well-rested and healthy worker is a productive one and an asset to any SU. What you do not want to happen is create a team of martyrs where people compete with how sick they are yet they come into work (pushing through, etc) or they have overworked so much that they have 3 weeks time off in lieu that they will never take. Not good, change it!

Or the other end of the spectrum, that work is so unbearable that people just do not want to be there and take sick leave to avoid work with stress being cited as one of the biggest factors of absenteeism.

Negativity and lack of respect for others

When I was a young manager I genuinely thought I was the best thing since sliced bread and if you don't agree with me well you're just wrong - plain and simple. This kind of toxicity may manifest itself in criticising other teams' approaches, trying to falsely rationalise honest feedback from colleagues and involved or concerned students. The "I am right, they are wrong approach" is very tribal and can lead to a very hostile work environment. If you are in a 121 with your team member and you find yourselves being negative and critical about another team members' performance - check yourself and think how you can solve these kinds of challenges

Making excuses and avoiding blame

I cannot tell you how often I've heard SUs pinning the hopes and dreams of a particular project or area of work on an inexperienced elected individual. It's not okay to say that your SU didn't do much for Black History Month because you have a bad or new part-time officer that was supposed to run it - just no. It's not okay to bark instructions or orders at your team over email and then make an excuse as to why you cannot unpack things face-to-face or over the phone - "I'm too busy", "this is the situation we are in" - if this is the case then this could be your fault to begin with.

I think I may be a toxic leader, what should I do?

Congratulations, you have admitted that there's a problem - for me that was the hardest thing to do. It sounds cheesy but it's absolutely true. Now, you need to seek honest and continual feedback from your team and others; I've had a couple of 360 degree appraisals in my career and they were such a great opportunity to learn about myself as well as provide a platform for honest conversations. Always ask for feedback and run towards it, each person you work with is an opportunity to expand your perspective.

Read, read, read and read. Try to find time for learning anything by Brene Brown, Simon Sinek, Daniel Goleman, Kim Scott, Amy Cuddy, Adam Grant, Margaret Heffernan - the list could go on. Reflect on your learning and practice it - I remember practicing emotional intelligence for the first time with my Tesco delivery driver who couldn't find my flat, it was revolutionary and so much easier than getting into an argument.

Remember to be the leader that you wish you had when you needed it most: be honest, vulnerable and authentic.

What should you do if you have a toxic leader? Remember that leadership is not about rank in an organisational chart - it's about role-modelling and showing a growth mindset. If you are reading or learning an important topic in leadership share with your leader, work it into your 121s. If there are no ways to feedback to your manager, feedback to HR and senior leadership that you want more opportunities to discuss performance management approaches, suggest 360 degree appraisals for all managers or appraisal speed dating. Role-model those behaviours that you are learning about. Ultimately the relationship between line manager and managee has been shown to be one of the most crucial in terms of work happiness and satisfaction, so if you don't think things will change it may be time to ask yourself if it's worth sticking around...

If want to chat to the author about any of this content please email [email protected]