Seeing the Best in People: A Reflection on Love, Trust, and Expectations

In a world that often seems rife with cynicism and doubt, the idea of choosing to love people and seeing the best in them can sometimes feel like an uphill battle. Human nature, in all its complexity, often presents a mixture of both light and shadow. But what if we approached every relationship, every encounter, with the mindset of seeing people as a “10”? What if we cultivated the habit of expecting the best from people, even in the face of potential disappointment? Reflecting on this perspective can offer deep insights into the power of positive expectations, the resilience required to maintain trust, and the art of nurturing human potential.

Loving People: The Foundation of Trust

The journey toward seeing the best in others begins with love. Love, in this context, is not merely an emotion but a conscious choice. It is the decision to give people the benefit of the doubt, to believe in their goodness, and to trust in their potential, even when circumstances might suggest otherwise.

In my experience, I’ve learned that loving people doesn’t always guarantee immediate success or positive outcomes. When I first took over a new role and inherited a team, I entered that environment with optimism and trust. I believed in their ability to support me and help achieve the business objectives set before us. However, my trust was met with disappointment. They failed to rally behind me, and their lack of support hindered the progress we could have made together. It was a painful realization, and yet, I knew that despite their failure, I could not let that disappointment redefine how I approached people in the future.

Love is not naive; it is aware of human frailties but chooses to act with hope and expectation. Choosing to love people means choosing to see their best potential, even when they fail us.

Trying to See the Best in People

Seeing the best in others isn’t always easy, especially when faced with behaviours or actions that don’t meet our expectations. However, it is precisely in these moments that the practice of seeing people as a “10” becomes transformative. When we look at people through the lens of their highest potential, we not only change how we perceive them, but we also alter the way they perceive themselves.

Consider this principle: we tend to see in others what we expect to see. If we expect people to be difficult, incompetent, or untrustworthy, our interactions will likely affirm those beliefs. But if we expect them to be capable, kind, and trustworthy, there’s a strong chance that they will rise to meet those expectations.

This is not to say that people will always perform perfectly, but there is undeniable power in expectation. People tend to rise to meet the level of belief we hold in them. However, this leads to a deeper question: what if they fail us?

Dealing with Disappointment: What If They Fail Us?

This is where the challenge of love and trust becomes most apparent. In my experience, even close relationships are not immune to disappointment. I remember working with a close friend in a voluntary organization setting. I had high expectations for our collaboration, believing that our friendship would create a harmonious and effective working relationship. Unfortunately, things did not go as planned. My friend became unfriendly, openly displaying his displeasure with my leadership in meetings, refusing to submit, and even ignoring me publicly in front of other leaders. It was a humiliating and painful experience.

In these moments, it’s easy to become cynical, to retreat into disappointment and question whether we should continue to see the best in people. The fear of being let down, of having our trust betrayed, can make us hesitant to give others the benefit of the doubt. Should how we want to see people be constrained by the fear of their disappointing us?

Overcoming the Fear of Disappointment

The simple answer is no. Our perception of people should not be limited by the fear of disappointment. To love people and to see the best in them means that we give them the benefit of the doubt until they fail us. But even when they do, our commitment to seeing them as a “10” does not have to waver. We can acknowledge their shortcomings without losing sight of their potential.

The reality is that people are imperfect, and they will fail us from time to time. Even those closest to us, the ones we expect to understand us most deeply, can fall short. I’ve personally experienced this with those dearest to me. They failed to understand me, didn’t give me the space to be authentic, and at times, their lack of support felt isolating. Despite these disappointments, I refused to allow their failures to define my attitude toward others.

The Identity of a Nurturer and Positive Influence

When people fail us, we have a choice: to let their failure define our view of them, or to maintain our belief in their potential. I chose the latter. Despite the setbacks, I’ve worked to embrace an identity rooted in nurturing and being a positive influence. This decision is not about denying the reality of failure or pretending that everything is perfect. Rather, it’s about choosing not to let the failures of others erode my commitment to seeing their best selves.

In many ways, this choice reflects a deep-seated belief in human potential. I’ve learned that when we approach people with encouragement and positivity, we create an environment where they are more likely to thrive. In contrast, when we approach them with skepticism or fear, we limit their ability to grow and succeed.

Addressing the Fear of Limiting Potential

So, how can we address the concern that our expectations may be limiting the potential of others? First, we must acknowledge that our mindset plays a crucial role in shaping the people around us. When we expect the best, people often rise to meet those expectations. This is not about being blindly optimistic but about being intentional in how we see and treat others.

We must also recognize that people’s failures do not define their worth or potential. It’s natural to feel disappointed when people don’t meet our expectations, but we should remember that growth often comes through failure. Instead of letting disappointment erode our faith in others, we can use it as an opportunity to strengthen our belief in their ability to learn and improve.

In my own journey, even when my team failed to support me, even when my friend distanced himself, and even when those closest to me failed to understand, I continued to trust that there was potential in each of these relationships. I chose to remain open, nurturing, and hopeful, because the alternative—to close off and become cynical—would have limited not only their potential but also mine.

Nurturing Potential: A Path Forward

To see the best in others is to believe in their potential, regardless of how many times they may disappoint us. It requires resilience, optimism, and a deep sense of love for humanity. This perspective doesn’t mean ignoring reality or glossing over failures. Instead, it means committing to a mindset of growth and possibility.

In practical terms, this approach involves:

• Giving people the benefit of the doubt: Trust in their potential until they show otherwise, and even then, don’t give up on them completely.
• Setting high expectations: Believe that people will rise to meet the level of trust and expectation you place in them.
• Being forgiving: Recognize that failure is part of growth and that people’s mistakes don’t define their entire character.
• Maintaining your own identity: No matter how people respond, stay true to the nurturing, positive person you choose to be.

Ultimately, seeing the best in people is a choice that reflects the kind of world we want to live in. It is an act of faith—faith in others, in their capacity to grow, and in our ability to nurture that growth. By embracing this mindset, we not only help others reach their potential but also strengthen our own ability to lead, love, and inspire.

This path is not always easy, but it is worth the effort. Through it, we contribute to creating a more nurturing, encouraging, and positive world—one person at a time.

Dr Victor Goh