Do You Always Ask “Why?” Maybe You’re a Questioner.

It’s time for the next installment of  “Happier with Gretchen Rubin.” (Remember, if you’d like to get an email alert every time we release a new episode, you can sign up here.)

Today is the second in the series of four episodes that we’re devoting to the Four Tendencies.  In last week’s episode, we talked about the Upholder Tendency; this week, it’s Questioner. To help shed light on the Questioner Tendency, we talk to brilliant agent Christy Fletcher.

To take the Four Tendencies quiz, go here. Find out if you’re an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel.

Try This at Home: Think about a few people in your life, identify their Tendencies, and try to put that knowledge to use. Understanding a Tendency can make it easier to manage conflict, come to agreement, and convince others of your point of view.

Strengths and Weaknesses of Questioners:  As Christy points out, as with all the Tendencies, the strengths and the weaknesses of the Questioners are the flip sides of each other.

Striking Pattern of Questioners: Questioners can get overwhelmed or paralyzed by their desire to get their questions answered — "analysis paralysis" -- or they can overwhelm or annoy others with their desire for more information. We discuss how Questioners can get the benefits of their Tendency, and deal constructively with the downsides. Christy has some specific suggestions that work for her.

Listener Question: “As a Questioner, I love to research and will spend a lot of time questioning my own decisions. One of my biggest challenges is ‘decision paralysis.’ How do Questioners overcome decision paralysis?” To read more about the maximizer vs. satisficer distinction, which we briefly discuss, read here, or in Better Than Before, in the chapter on the Strategy of Distinctions.

Elizabeth’s Demerit: Elizabeth hasn’t been exercising as much as she wants to do.

Gretchen’s Gold Star: Jamie told our friend, “We’ve all done it.” Exactly the right thing to say.

Call for comments, questions, observations!

We’re spending four weeks talking about my Four Tendencies framework for human nature. We’ve already had many thought-provoking responses, but we want more.

• Take the Quiz to find out if you’re a Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, and Rebel here.
• Listen to Elizabeth and me discuss the framework here.
• Read the chapter on the Four Tendencies in Better Than Before

Please, send in your questions and comments by voicemail, email, etc.

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Tell us — Did you try to identify the Tendencies of some people around you? Did it help you deal with those people — or not? If you text me at 66866 and enter the word “tendencies,” I’ll add you to a list to be notified when my handbook is ready.

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Want to know what to expect from other episodes of the podcast, when you listen to“Happier with Gretchen Rubin?” We talk about how to build happier habits into everyday life, as we draw from cutting-edge science, ancient wisdom, lessons from pop culture—and our own experiences (and mistakes).  We’re sisters, so we don’t let each other get away with much!

HAPPIER listening!

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Gretchen Rubin is the author of the blockbuster New York Times bestsellers, Better Than Before, The Happiness Project, and Happier at Home. She writes about happiness and habit-formation at gretchenrubin.com. Follow her here by clicking the yellow FOLLOW button, on Twitter, @gretchenrubin, on Facebook, facebook.com/GretchenRubin. Or listen to her popular podcast, Happier with Gretchen Rubin.

Photo: Gretchen Rubin