TIRM Corporation

?? Happy Halloween, My Ghoulish Associates! ?? As we creep toward the witching hour of yet another workweek filled with zombified Zoom calls and the eerie shuffle of quarterly reports, I couldn’t help but ponder how we’ve all been cursed to haunt this timeline. I mean, imagine if we were living in the 80s—spending our days fighting pixelated ghosts in neon-lit arcades and rocking questionable hairstyles instead of frantically refreshing inboxes and barely surviving meeting invites. But alas! Here we are, trapped in this haunted office dimension, where ‘work-life balance’ is just a faint ghost story whispered in the break room. So, let’s embrace our twisted fate, lean into the absurdity, and maybe even start some new Halloween traditions—like replacing coffee breaks with “mid-day howls” and quarterly reports with “spooky surprise reveals.” Remember, no amount of pumpkin spice can wake the undead dreams of corporate freedom! ??????? Now let’s rattle those chains of productivity and put the “boo” in boosting morale! #ThursdayThrills #HauntedWorkWeek #WRONGLIFETIME

Attention Team! If you recently received a physical End-of-Year Bonus check, please be advised this was sent to you in error. We ask that you promptly RETURN TO SENDER, as these checks were intended solely for those in management who’ve been truly impactful by overseeing your work from a safe distance. Rest assured, any financial rewards were not meant for those simply doing their jobs. On a brighter note, let’s all celebrate the customer service team’s recent achievement in convincing Mrs. Jenkins to keep her catastrophically defective ‘Advanced Home Volcano Kit.’ Your quick thinking to frame the “unexpected magma burst” as a surprise feature designed to “ignite the holiday spirit” was truly exceptional and reflected the ingenuity we’re hoping for, minus any additional compensation. So, as we finish out the fiscal year, feel free to disregard any whispers about ‘company-wide rewards’ or ‘team achievements.’ Just go ahead and pop those checks back in the mail and carry on with your regular tasks, which we know you’ll do with or without these accidental incentives. ?????? ?#RETURNTOSENDER #CorporateBloopers

Happy Tuesday, team! Just a quick reminder that our weekly progress review is not merely a formality—it’s your personal CHECKPOINT on the road to achieving absolutely nothing of consequence. Remember, this is where you get to marvel at your impressive ability to generate endless reports and attend pointless meetings that accomplish precisely zero. It's like running on a hamster wheel, but instead of a cute rodent, it's you, and instead of a wheel, it's a giant, metaphorical treadmill made of paperwork and broken dreams. So lace up your sneakers, refill that coffee cup, and keep running—because ‘success’ is as real as a unicorn, or the US moon landing. ??♂????? #TuesdayThoughts #HamsterWheel #SuccessIsMyth #moon #CHECKPOINTv2

Hey everyone, Just wanted to clarify that our last post was totally a joke #LOL! ?? Jake’s doing great and isn’t trying to hack the keycard system… at least, that’s what he told us after a very friendly chat with HR. We’re all about keeping things light around here, even when the work gets intense. So, no need to worry—Jake’s not going anywhere (we think). You can find all the excitement RIGHT THERE, at his desk, working diligently. Let’s keep up the great work, team! ???? #JustJoking #InternHumor #AllInGoodFun #RIGHTTHERE

Hey everyone, it's Jake—the engineering intern. I’ve been told to post something motivational, but I’d rather use this opportunity to ask... does anyone know how to disable a company-wide keycard system? Asking for a friend. Also, if you see me carrying multiple empty coffee cups and pacing the halls, please don’t ask questions. I’m totally not mapping out an escape route or anything. On a completely unrelated note, if anyone has seen the sun recently, could you describe it to me? It’s been a while. The bossman calls sunlight the Temptation Above, but I can feel my vitamin D levels depleting. Erm, anyways, let’s remember to stay focused and crush it this week, team! Or, you know, maybe not? ?? #InternLife #MotivationOrEscapePlan #SendHelp #TEMPTATIONABOVE

Happy Monday, everyone! Huge shoutout to our engineering intern, Jake, who's been with us around the clock—literally. Jake's dedication goes beyond coding; he's holding the entire company together with his bare hands (and maybe a few lines of Python). Since last Wednesday, Jake’s been stationed at his desk, tirelessly fixing bugs, optimizing systems, and doing whatever it takes to keep our servers running. He's become such a vital part of the team that we’ve, uh, gently encouraged him to stay onsite indefinitely. After all, why go home when you can keep the company afloat? As we navigate the DAWN [OF THE MACHINE], let’s all take a page from Jake’s book this week. Remember: true commitment means sacrificing personal time, sleep, and possibly your freedom. Be very #mindful, very #demure in your dedication. Keep up the great work, Jake—we’ll be sure to slide some more vending machine credits your way! ???? #MondayMotivation #EngineeringHero #DontLookForTheKeys #DAWN[OF THE MACHINE]

Happy Monday LinkedIn Family ??! Excited to dive into another week of… well, whatever it is we do here. Whether it’s optimizing synergies, leveraging data-driven insights, or, you know, disrupting the disruptors, I’m all in. Our company is at the forefront of something groundbreaking—I mean, just look at all the buzzwords we use! I may not fully grasp every detail of our innovative solutions, but I know one thing for sure: we’re definitely making an impact… somehow. Just hit a CHECKPOINT in this endless grind, so let’s keep pushing the envelope this week, team! ???? #MotivationMonday #Innovation #TotallyGetIt #CHECKPOINTv1

Forget that last post. My bad, I was just stuck on Level 5 of the classic video game FROGGER by Konami. The grind is the only way forward! Hustling, dodging logs, and weaving through cars—it's all part of the game. If you’re not maneuvering through obstacles 24/7, you’re falling behind. Let’s crush this week, team! The grind is the ONLY goal. ?? #ForgetWhatISaid #GrindDontStop #FROGGER

It’s Wednesday, and I’m sitting here wondering… is this it? Is the constant hustle, the endless grind, really what it’s all about? We’re all racing toward something, but are we even sure where we’re going? Maybe there’s more to this than dodging obstacles, navigating treacherous paths, and keeping a sharp eye on the road ahead. Perhaps we’re missing something—something deeper, something more meaningful. Just a thought... ?? #WednesdayWisdom #LifePurpose #IsThisIt??

My favorite day of the week? Monday. It’s another chance to leverage synergies and maximize grind equity. If you spent the weekend ‘relaxing,’ you missed out on 48 hours of disruptive innovation potential. Downtime is the participation trophy for those who think ‘work-life balance’ is a real thing. I’ve talked about this extensively over brunch with my rich friend Bill Gates. He’s all about optimizing his Out Of Box Experience (OOBE), while my poor friends are still crowdfunding to be publicly named in my company posts. So, how have I been doing? I’m quite literally having an out of box experience thanks to my cutting-edge live-at-the-office model. I was able to achieve this by aggressively optimizing my credit score to be in single digits. ?? But what about spending time with my family and loved ones? Am I worried that I’m sacrificing my youth and potential just to feed the corporate machine and endlessly chase growing profit margins? NOPE. I’ve deprioritized them to stay agile in pursuit of my KPIs. They’re still trying to contact me after MONTHS. ?? Enough chatter, let’s pivot back to the grind people! ???? #MotivationalMonday #WeekendWarrior #WorkIsLife #O_OBE