What do you do if you're struggling to overcome shyness and build a strong professional network?

It's helpful to understand that we generally are not born shy; instead, we tend to develop shyness as self-consciousness, low self-esteem, and fear of judgment and rejection in early childhood. Shyness can become a self-reinforcing cycle. We can start disrupting this cycle by noticing the self-consciousness but not automatically believing it.

To overcome shyness and build a strong professional network: Start small by attending events or joining groups with shared interests. Practice introducing yourself and engaging in small talk. Set specific networking goals and gradually expand your comfort zone. Focus on listening and showing genuine interest in others. Follow up with new contacts through email or LinkedIn to maintain connections.

This is so helpful because I think people believe they just “are” or “are not” shy as if it’s a static state. Instead, you say it’s just learned conditioning they can “unlearn” and the “relearn” something else that better fits their goals. Love it.

We need to separate shyness from the ability to deal with uncertainty. Often they correlate but not necessarily. A good thought leader is a person that can anticipate the future based on a few indicators and a lot of experience. And it's not everyone's thing to tell a C-level that they should invest in X based on a informed gut feeling. So you do not need to be an extrovert, but feel comfortable to do such recommendations.

In the journey of professional networking, shyness can be a catalyst for personal growth. Recognizing your discomfort areas is the first step. For example, if initiating conversations is challenging, preparing questions or comments beforehand can boost your confidence. Every small step forward is a victory, helping you become a more confident and effective communicator. Remember, every moment of discomfort is an opportunity for growth. Let your shyness evolve into a force that propels you towards better networking, leadership, and personal development.

Gathering these new experiences must be coupled with taking note of the positive feedback you are receiving when you connect with others. Notice when others listen to what you say, extend friendliness and include you, and show their appreciation. Deliberately gathering new information to balance out and gradually outweigh your past experiences and self-conscious self-talk and fear of judgment.

No one eats an elephant in one mouthful. To become a thought leader you have need to understand what outcome you're aiming for, and the daily steps that will get you there. Because you don't control the results, focus on the inputs you can influence, and set a goal to make daily, noticeable effort.

Overcoming shyness in networking begins with setting realistic, incremental goals. Aim to connect with just one person at an event, or join a group where your interests align. These small, manageable goals build confidence gradually, avoiding overwhelm. Networking isn't about being the life of the party but making genuine connections. As you meet each goal, your confidence and sense of achievement will grow, making it easier to face more challenging situations. Each step is a victory in your journey towards effective networking and personal growth.

Buliding up a network takes time. The important thing is to stay on it. Connect step by step with people near you, then near them and so on. In the beginning it's you asking for speaking opportunities and connections, but later you will get the requests. A good milestone is when you get paid to hold a keynote :-)

There are tons of books and courses on networking. But they all boil down to one thing: provide value for the people you meet. Displaying a genuine interest in their story is a good start, but gradually, you start to understand that there are millions of ways how you can help others. Connecting to a person they need, sharing your professional advice, or just recommending a good restaurant :)

Like any habit, it will take consistency in gathering both new experiences and new information to build confidence that balances out years of shyness.

A friendly face goes a long way in a large room. Go up to someone new, despite any negativity from your mind, and simply introduce yourself. There's no harm in telling someone your name. Start a conversation about them. Ask them questions about themselves. Learn a little bit about someone new.

Networking, much like any other skill, flourishes with deliberate practice. Seize opportunities for engagement, from volunteering in team projects to attending industry-specific events. Practicing in low-pressure environments builds confidence, while rehearsing scenarios with a mentor can be incredibly beneficial. As you immerse in these practices, initiating conversations and fostering professional relationships will increasingly become second nature. This strategy enhances networking skills and personal growth, equipping you to gracefully navigate professional interactions. It's a blend of skill enhancement and personal development, making you more adept in professional settings.

Online tools could be helpful; however, I believe these should be used with caution due to the lack of richness in online message forums. If no one “likes” or responds to your comments, it might reinforce any feelings of invisibility, being rejected, or judged. To avoid this, choose forums that are highly active and supportive to members.

I find it so useful to do research on the people I'm going to meet. Find areas of common interest. And then start with that to build trust and a start of a relationship.

New research by Data Reportal, a digital reference library, recently revealed 17 years of our adult lives may be spent online by the time we reach 80. With so many of our daily experiences happening online, shy individuals have a huge opportunity to architect an online presence that can help with real-world networking. As with the real world, however, building personal connections online still involves getting personal. Think about your core expertise and unique lived experiences. Start by sharing opinions and insights on topics you know well and you will start to find a like-minded community to connect with. When rooted in common values and shared interests, online connections can turn into valuable real-life relationships.

Online platforms are a boon for shy individuals, offering a comfortable way to network from home. Social media and professional networking sites enable you to connect within your industry with ease. By engaging with content, commenting thoughtfully, and sharing relevant articles, you build a presence that can bridge to in-person connections. These online interactions pave the way for easier face-to-face meetings, making them feel more approachable. Starting online helps build confidence and familiarity, turning networking from daunting to doable. This strategy uses digital platforms to overcome the barriers of shyness, facilitating growth and connection in your professional journey.

Even if shyness and introversion look the same, it is critical to understand they are different. When we feel shy, we avoid engaging with others socially due to self-consciousness, low self-esteem, and concerns about judgment and rejection. When we are introverted, we strategically avoid engagement in order to preserve or regain energy. Due to the anxiety and discomfort involved in shyness, we cannot assume that all shy people are great listeners.

I think it is also important to be welcoming and smiling while listening. If I'm paying attention sincerely to the other person, that person will feel good about our relationship. People like to be heard. Keep eye contact!

I often ask executives what feels like fun when it comes to storytelling. Certain leaders will shine on camera, while others are prolific writers. Podcasts may be another channel for leaders and executives to boost their profile, but many people hate the sound of their own voice. To embrace your strengths, remember what you enjoy, or be honest about what you hate, in order to do what works for you.

Embrace the strengths that come with shyness. Many introverts excel as listeners and observers, key skills in networking. Active listening can help form deeper connections, as people appreciate genuine interest. Showcase your strengths in one-on-one or smaller group settings, where you're more comfortable. This approach not only makes networking easier but also highlights your unique value, turning perceived weaknesses into assets.

Shyness may be the result of early experiences that created self-consciousness, low self-esteem, and fear of judgment and rejection. Support can be helpful to recall, reframe, and remove the power of those experiences. In the present, shyness can be perpetuated through cognitive distortions where we perceive and give too much credence to judgment, rejection, or unfavorable comparisons between ourselves and others. Getting support in recognizing and challenging these perceptions would be helpful.

Navigating the landscape of networking can seem daunting, especially for those who identify more closely with being shy. Recognize that the journey to overcoming shyness and building a robust network doesn't solely unfold during the 9-5 grind. One of the top differentiators of talent is how you apply yourself during non-working hours. Meeting passionate people at networking events after work is one of the best ways to connect with people you want in your network. To start: Go on meetup.com and search for your interest. You will find a group of people who are excited about the same topic as you and ambitious enough to use their personal time to network and support people of all skill levels and personality types. Put yourself out there!

Firstly, It’s important to understand that it is normal to be slightly shy to put yourself out there. A few strategies that have helped me are, - Leverage Linkedin: Start by just engaging with posts and then gain confidence to put your posts/articles out. - Start Small: Start with 1-1s which are less intimidating than larger gatherings - Prepare Conversational Starters: Initiating a conversation is the hardest. Practicing a script and having a set of open ended questions/topics can go a long way. - Find Low Hanging Opportunities: Look for situations where there’s no “perceived” risk to contribute. For example, if you’re part of a discussion with people you may never meet again, use it as a practice ground since you have nothing to lose.