What to understand people? Use fear as your lens.

What to understand people? Use fear as your lens.

Humans are strange things. I’ve been one for as long as I can remember and I still struggle to understand their behavior on occasion.

I’ve tried to understand the rules by which people operate. Basically trying to work out the rules of the game for humans. After all how can you? “win” if you don’t know the rules. Actually I’m nothing like that Machiavellian, nor ambitious. I don’t want to win, I don’t even know what winning would mean. But I have thought that if I can understand the motivation of people I might be able to make those in my personal and professional lives happier. That seemed like a reasonable objective.

There is much wisdom in the world about humanity. We are, it seems, our own favorite topic. That is instructive in, and of itself.

Fear of failure, is probably the single biggest motivator of people's behavior. It’s not very edifying I admit, but I think it’s probably true.

Jerry Seinfeld once said. “If it’s true that most people are more afraid of public humiliation than they are of death. Then most people would rather be in the box than give the eulogy at a funeral”

That statement is pretty hard to prove one way or the other, but certainly if you analysis how most people behave it becomes painfully obvious that most of us spend our lives caught up in our own fears of failure. Many of the greats of human history, either have personality types that makes them immune to criticism, or they think so differently from the average that their brain is simply wired in a different way. Two examples would be Winston Churchill and Steve Jobs.

Winston Churchill was actually a sensitive soul who took criticism very badly. It hurt him. But he knew that if he was to get anything done he had to harden himself to it. He believed very much in his own importance to history.?

As a boy of nine, he was asked what he would do with his life. His response was incredible. He stated that England would face an existential threat, and he would be the only one who could save it. Just think for a moment about that. As nine year old child, in 1884 said he would be the one to save a nation.?

There is no doubt he believed it then, and continued to believe it throughout his life. He believed in? his destiny, nothing could shake that. Even though he felt the pain of rejection he did it anyway. I personally think that is the very definition of bravery.

Steve Jobs was a very different character to Churchill. Jobs did the right thing because he believed in himself. His own sense of self worth was so great that the ideas and opinions of others were simply irrelevant. Jobs was undoubtedly a great designer, but he wasn’t Churchill (who is??).

Having observed tens of thousands of people over the years (I’m getting old), I would contend that the single biggest fear of people, the thing that holds the vast majority back from happiness and being all they could be is fear.

Fear of asking for the promotion, fear of starting a business, fear of failure.?

Almost every motivational speaker in history trots out the lines about, not getting 100% of the deals you don’t ask for,taking the road less trodden. It’s become a cliche. But it’s true.

People's fear defines their actions.

Even in something as simple as using a video conferencing system I see the fear of screwing up.I’ve spent 25 years in this business telling thousands of people that the latest product is intuitive. That they shouldn’t worry, it’s easy this time. The look of fearing and loathing on their faces give it away. They don’t believe me. It’s not simple, it’s frightening, if I press the wrong button the building will burn to the ground and I’ll find myself naked in the parking lot being laughed at by a thousand colleagues. It (almost) never happens, but that doesn’t stop them thinking it will.

With only about 10% of meeting spaces equipped with video conferencing, after 25 years of trying, and the looks of horror around every user interface in a video conferencing room ever, I have to bow to this lady and admit she was right.

I guess in my own small way I’ve had a successful career. I’ve certainly done an awful lot better than was predicted when I was 16.? People have often asked what the secret to my own success has been. I think it’s simply that I don’t have any fear of looking stupid. It’s not bravery like Churchill who was scared but did it anyway. It’s not like Jobs who just believed he was better. My own modest success has simply been that my curiosity to find out more beats my fear to sit quietly within the status quo. The fear filter just seems to be missing, is is overwhelmed by my desire to know more.

I’m no Tony Robins like motivational speaker. But if I can impart any wisdom it? is to not worry about what other people think. Let them stew in their own fears. Speak up, ask questions, point at the Emperor with no clothes, make a noise.Have something to say. It is ALWAYS better to beg for forgiveness than ever ask for permission. Always press the button, be curious. Let that curiosity overwhelm your fears.

I’ve found myself upsetting the apple cart for 53 years, and not once (yet) have I found myself naked in a parking lot next to a smoldering building.?

And if you think I’m wrong think what sort of world we’d be in without Steve Jobs, and far more importantly without Winston Churchill.