Call me by my name.

(I wrote this writeup initially a week or ten days back when a judgment and some remarks by the judge in Calcutta High Court made me wonder what I have always wondered about terms of endearment in workplaces, plus what and to what extent is actually acceptable. I wrote it and then ran a poll and now back with some updates)

As a workplace culture advisor, I get this question asked a lot- "What is wrong with these words (Sweety, darling, sweetheart) if I dont really mean them?" - a lot is wrong, but let me present more facts instead of just my opinion on the same.

The above should make things pretty clear but I know that it is a small sample size. And even in this we will find some people who do opine to be okay with it.

But, navigating the tricky waters of workplace language, especially terms of endearment like "sweety" and "baby," is more about common sense than we might think. It's about reading the room—understanding the cultural vibes and knowing when one might be stepping over the line.

Recently, the Calcutta High Court had something interesting to say: terms like "sweety" or "baby" arent always considered sexual harassment unless they are dished out with a certain intent or make the workplace uncomfortable. Pretty reasonable, right? Context is everything, and its about how these words are perceived and received.

Basis on the above, I ended up venturing into a few directions (thanks to the wonderful network that exists on this platform, I can present a few to you as well)

First is about intent- how do we know what it is?

as intent is invisible and easy to get out of as well as a form of explanation . What cannot be seen, captured, and measured, largely remains so ambiguous that it can also be used as a way to misguide allegation enquiries. So, then, what do we do with this? This gets further intriguing when we have members in workplaces who opine to these terms as a healthy and positive energy.

Hidden intent and divided opinion amongst the receiving end doesnt really help the cause, does it?

But is this an issue that can be looked at from a gender lens?

@Dr. Deepa made an excellent point and introduced some insight into this. In times when people give explanations stating that this is their general way of speaking, it will be good to observe how the usage is prevalent amongst the people guarding or defending the same-

With gender divide, comes the power dynamics of the workplace. And it is important for us to answer how much of agency remains in situations where people use these terms and is there a hidden meaning/agenda to this as well?

Simrita Kaur Takhtar provided a wonderful insight into this- and I would like to quote them here:

Charlotte Adjutor-Marti added strength to this by sharing their opinion on being addressed with these terms-

I would like to confidently state that people who use these terms in workplaces are very confident about at least one of the three things- their position/power, their affinity to the person being addressed, and lastly, the workplace culture at play. There is no way someone is going around using these terms without being aware of one or more of the above. Else, it would have resulted in a complain by now.

The reason by the culture is an important factor here is because it is differently created in different sectors- In industries like media or advertising, a casual "darling" might fly under the radar, while in more buttoned-up places like banks or hospitals, not so much. And it's not just a local thing—global studies show that a significant number of women find such nicknames uncomfortable in professional settings.

In a prominent case in UK, a male employee, Mr. Hartley, was dismissed from his role at D Hollowell & Sons after using terms like "sweet," "love," "chick," "honey," and "babes" with female colleagues.

The Public Services Commission in Malaysia issued guidelines prohibiting civil servants from using terms like "sayang" or "dear" in professional settings, categorizing them as forms of sexual harassment.

In Canada, a notable case involved a male executive at a financial firm who routinely used terms like "honey" and "sweetheart" with female colleagues. This behavior, coupled with other inappropriate comments, led to several complaints. The company faced a lawsuit alleging a hostile work environment. The court ruled that the executive's conduct was unprofessional and contributed to a discriminatory atmosphere, highlighting the importance of maintaining formal and respectful communication in professional settings.

Back in India-

At the end of the day, here in India, we have statements made by judges like the ones below and we do want to iterate the important of being more worldly wise on what should and should not be said in the workplace-

What should a responsible professional do?

For those professionals who are accustomed to using these nicknames, and do intend to be a better colleague, I will strongly recommend to keeping it simple: ask yourself if its necessary, check in with your colleagues about how they feel, and be ready to adapt. And if you are on the receiving end, pls dont shy away from speaking up. Feeling respected at work is a two-way street. And you have every right to object to it if the people who speak feel that they have a right to express themselves!

Lastly, this entire responsibility of bringing people in a team to a common ground falls on the shoulder of POSH sessions. But while they are great for setting the ground rules and opening up the floor for discussions on what's cool and whats not, their success largely depends on the participants being engaged and taking the info back to their desks.

My more than two cents- fostering a respectful workplace is an ongoing dialogue, not a one-time training tick-box. Whether you are chatting by the water cooler or sitting in a board meeting, remember that how we talk to each other matters, AND must be reviewed at all times.?

I write because I must express and share insights from the day to day conversations I have with professionals. You may have a different opinion or view on this subject. As always, I am open to discussing your experiences and views. Dm is always open.