One Simple Step All "Good People" can take NOW to Eradicate Racism

Let me give you the punchline upfront so you can decide if you have any interest in reading about my experience to see how I have come to that conclusion. The one thing that all good people can and must do is stop assuming that you cannot be racist just because your family and friends know you to be a kind a compassionate person. This one thing will make all the difference. If you’re willing to entertain this notion, I'd urge you to invest a few minutes in reading my story and perspective below.

Let me begin by saying that I have been married to a black woman for over 38 years, and the majority of our time has been spent living in the US. Although I have not been one to dwell on our experiences with racism, it isn’t an insignificant fact of our experience as a couple. Even though we have been told we couldn’t buy a house in certain neighborhoods, and we have been refused service on the basis of her race before, and we have been followed around in stores to make sure we don’t steal anything, and on and on and on, I am abundantly aware that I do not fully understand what it’s like to be a black man in America. However, as a Middle Eastern man married to an African American woman, I have some perspective to share that some may find value in. Hence, this post.

The faces I see pressed to the ground every time we see pictures or video of yet another savage killing, are those of my family members on my wife’s side and my son and my daughter, but as hard as I try, I know I will never know what it’s like to feel a 200 pound weight on your neck, not just when you are pinned under a heartless person with a badge, but every day as a black man in America.

I came to this country from Iran during the height of the Iranian Revolution, and settled in the Deep South with basically no English skills or street smarts. It would be an understatement to say that my start here wasn’t ideal, so, I have some idea of what it feels like to be discriminated against. However, I get to take breaks from that feeling, because frankly, I almost look “white,” and when I’m out by myself, I’m obviously not going to be mistaken for a black person, so I’ve been lucky in that regard. That’s not to say that being a Middle Eastern person is a walk in the park these days, when immigrants are constantly demonized. In fact, a couple of years ago, I started carrying my passport on all domestic travel, because I am present to the possibility that I may have to prove that I am indeed an American citizen. If you haven’t had to change your routines for the fear of being targeted, count your blessings. Don’t take that privilege for granted and I implore you to use that privilege to give advantage, rather than take advantage.

I admit I have not always done what I knew needed to be done. I figured I could not bear the burden of trying to change everybody’s attitude and behavior. My wife and I have role-modeled standing up for our rights so that our kids know they should not just accept injustice when it is perpetrated on them or others. In reference to those incidents I mentioned earlier, we bought the house we were told we couldn’t buy and eventually integrated a previously segregated neighborhood in south Georgia, and we took the racist Delaware-based restaurant owner that denied us service to court and won, with the help of our friends, many of whom were white. But the other stuff, I have learned to live with, as have unfortunately many black people in this country.

To be totally honest about it, the people you and I may call overtly racist don’t bother me that much. There are not many people who consciously and intentionally harbor racial animus, although there will always be some of that in the world. The real problem in my mind is all the “good people” who act as their enablers and give them cover, sometimes unintentionally, by tolerating and perpetuating racist thinking and actions. In fact, most of the racist words I have heard and actions I have seen have come from good people who I otherwise love and respect. I have to admit, I have given up on correcting people. Occasionally, when I really care about someone, I engage in a conversation to give them a different perspective and invariably, what I hear is “But you know me. I’m a good person. I’m not racist!” I want to say to all the good people out there, first of all, thank you for being a good person. Secondly, please understand being a “good person” and being “racist” are not mutually exclusive. I consider myself a good person and I must admit that I have said and done things in the past that I can now see were racist. How is it possible to be both at the same time? Let’s consider a few examples.

The mother of one of my wife’s best friends told her, one day when we were visiting her many years ago, that she really liked my wife because “she was not like other black people!” Trust me, this lady is a good person and had no ill intent in saying that, but can we agree that what she said in that moment was racist? Another time, my then 10-year old daughter was told that one of her best friends could no longer be her friend because her parents had said my daughter was going to go to hell because she is biracial. Believe me, if you met those people, you would say they were a nice Christian family, and I’m certain they did not want this to be the case, but it was a sincerely held belief of theirs (although I must confess that I must have skipped over the verse in the Bible that condemns biracial people to Hell).

Another well respected friend, who is one of the most compassionate people I know, gets triggered every time someone is talking about policies that level the playing field, not just for black people but poor people and others who have not had the privilege of access to abundant resources. She cries foul and calls these initiatives anti-capitalist, and posts a few videos to prove that socialism just doesn’t work, implying that if you give people an inch they will take a mile. Politicial and economic hypotheses aside, most of those beliefs, while sincerely held, are grounded on the fundamental belief that “certain” groups of people are lazy and they will take advantage of the system, as opposed to “other” groups of people who will use the advantage they get to become more productive. You can take a guess as to what kind of people get lumped into one group versus the other. Hint: It has to do with melanin. And spoiler alert: that is racism.

What I have learned from Ibram Kendi, the author of the amazing and highly recommended book, How to be an Antiracist, is that it is our actions that are either racist or antiracist. Thoughts, feelings, and people are not racist, but behaviors are. So a person can “be” racist in one moment and antiracist the next. So, to go around and say and do racist things and then expect a free pass because you are good person or “not racist” doesn’t work. Even if you are “not racist,” what you said and did could be racist.

Racism is rooted in the idea that a racial group is culturally or behaviorally inferior, and whether you are nice to people of that other race or you are oppressing them are just two variations of how you may behave according to that belief. Is it possible that those of us who are nice to black people or have black friends or are even married to a black person can still be saying and doing racist things that widen the gap between races instead of creating equity? You bet it is. How do you deal with that? By not giving yourself a pass for being a “good person” and start judging your words and actions and the politicians and the policies you support on a case-by-case basis.

As I see it, there are only two scenarios that could be playing out when someone says and does racist things and yet claims not to be a racist. The first scenario is obvious. The person is indeed racist and knows it and is deliberately lying about it. The second is that he/she believes his words and actions are true and justified and they don’t make him a racist. If someone has been known to say “black people are lazy,” “Mexicans are rapists,” “(certain countries) are s**tholes” and then they claim they are the “least racist person in the world,” the only possible explanation, if you consider the person to be an honest person who does not lie, is that they consider all of those statements to simply be facts. I mean, if I say fire is hot and it could burn people, that doesn’t make me anti-fire, right? I still believe fire can be put to good use to cook and heat our homes, and so on, but fire is in fact hot and potentially dangerous! I’m simply stating a fact and if you don’t see it, you must be blind! That is how insidious a racist mindset can be, and it’s one reason why seemingly good people could perpetuate racist thinking, because in their mind they aren’t racist! Regardless of intention, however, the truth remains that, what you permit, you promote!

I would encourage all of us to engage in dialogue and ask someone who can be objective and is willing to be honest to give us some perspective and feedback on whether our actions or words are racist or antiracist. Let’s not blame each other for “being” racist, but let’s call it out when we hear/see each other “saying” and “doing” racist things. I would also encourage everyone reading this, especially all you good people who could never, ever be racist, to check out Ibram Kendi’s book How to be an Antiracist, and learn more about what it will really take to get to the bottom of this debilitating disease once and for all.

You can now listen to the new 5-part audio series, “Transforming Your Workplace Experience!" This audio series serves as both a great standalone introduction to culture transformation, as well as a companion to our previously available free culture transformation guide. In the series, I walk you through some applications and examples of the concepts presented in the guide, so that you can more effectively put them into practice and get motivated by the progress you will start making. I know that after learning and applying the concepts and distinctions that I present in the guide and audio series, you will be more qualified than ever to create extraordinary cultures that consistently deliver breakthrough results!

About the Author: Amir Ghannad is an international keynote speaker, author of The Transformative Leader, leadership consultant, culture transformation champion, and founder of The Ghannad Group. He has made it his life's work to guide leaders and equip them with the tools, skills, and the mindset necessary to create extraordinary workplace cultures that deliver breakthrough results. Download his free e-book, titled 5 Practical Steps to Make Your Culture Transformation Stick by clicking here.

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As always, have a great week! May you Boldly Declare, Courageously Pursue, and Abundantly Achieve the Extraordinary!

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