INDUSTRY SHOCK: SINGLE INTERVIEW HIRE TRIGGERS CORPORATE MELTDOWN
Forget the Four Horsemen. Apparently, the real apocalypse starts when someone gets hired after just one interview. No psychological warfare, no ancestral lineage checks, no ritual sacrifices or scrutinizing if their preschool art skills hinted at future leadership qualities.
Could this be the work of Jaspar Carmichael-Jack from Artisan or the too-charming AI, Boardy, known for making us swoon with that Australian accent of his?
What happened:
The interview lasted 30 minutes. The candidate spent more time on their morning commute.
The offer was made on the spot. The hiring manager might have been drunk, high, or both. Internal investigations pending.
The CEO has ordered a company wide day of mourning. Flags at half-mast.
Silicon Valley is imploding:
Programmers are tweaking algorithms to see if they hallucinated the news.
Recruiters are hosting candlelit vigils mourning the loss of unnecessarily prolonged hiring cycles.
Therapists are on standby for HR professionals traumatized by the breach of tradition.
LinkedIn conspiracy theorists are thriving: Was this a moment of madness, or a glimpse into a future where hiring isn't a marathon? The debates rage on, while somewhere in a quiet boardroom, a lone HR veteran prepares their rebuttal against this unforeseen efficiency.
KNOWME launches March 18. We can't fix everything, but we promise not to make you jump through fiery hoops for a job. Unless you're into that sort of thing.
#CorporateArmageddon #OneAndDoneHiring #KNOWMEKnows #Boardy #Artisan