Jabroni Capital

2024: “I can’t afford a home, but at least I can Door Dash a burrito” 2025: “I can’t afford a burrito, but at least I can pay for it in 24 monthly installments” #startups #tech #memes Subscribe to my newsletter for more memes & funny startup news: https://lnkd.in/ekGih-Hf

I'm launching a show w/ Jason Levin ?? called Silly Valley Ventures. Every week we build startups so f*cking stupid, they're smart. Our goal each episode: go viral or get arrested. First episode drops April 1: https://jlev.work/yt #startups #venturecapital #memes

Uh oh, AI is posting banger one liners. We’re so cooked. #startups #ai #memes

After raising money founders typically look more traumatized than my PTSD riddled grandfather who fought in WW2. That’s because fundraising kills a startup's momentum harder than ordering an Appletini on a first date (sorry Melissa). But it doesn’t have to be this way. In 2024 Tyler Denk ??raised $1.1M in 2 hours from his users and generated millions of impressions and got thousands of new customers. But most founders have no idea how to pull this off. That’s why I’m co-hosting a webinar with Tyler to teach founders how to raise $2M+ from their customers in a community round. If you want to learn how to raise millions from your customers, come hang with Tyler and I as he shares his secrets behind beehiiv’s community round: https://lnkd.in/eW6D9Yu8 P.S. If this goes well I’m going to raise a community round for Jabroni Capital and use the proceeds to buy a boat. #startups #venturecapital #fundraising

Making investors feel FOMO is the best way to raise $2M+ for your startup. But most startups get VCs less excited than when I took a first date to an experimental sushi restaurant but that made us eat everything with our toes. A lot of founders think urgency will come from: - Telling VCs they 2 investors (their mom & dad)? - Having a beautiful product (that they designed in Canva)? - Financial projections that are more unrealistic than sliding into Sydney Sweeny’s DMs So if you’re a founder what should you do instead? Create FOMO. You don’t need YC on your cap table to do that. To build fomo in your fundraise you need to make investors feel like there’s demand for your company. This can be done through going viral, getting pilots, or booking lots of investor meetings in a short period of time. If you want to learn how to generate FOMO for your fundraise so VCs will throw money at your seed round faster than my date ran out of the sushi restaurant (which is hard when your feet are covered in soy sauce), join my webinar I'm hosting next week: https://lu.ma/hq1z0c3u #startups #venturecapital #fundraising

I came up with a genius new marketing strategy for Bryan Johnson. Whenever Jason Levin ?? and do a podcast there’s a 99% chance we’re going to get cancelled. Go listen to the full episode before LinkedIn bans both of us for life. (No seriously, I’ve been banned 6 times already & this could be the final straw) https://lnkd.in/ekgvSvs7 #startups #venturecapital #memes

Born to be mysterious and private, forced to comment "Exciting ??" on yet another piece of corporate slop Occasionally spicing it up with a cryptic "Intriguing ??" and let them wonder what i really mean...

People on LinkedIn after they get an online HBS certification: #startups #mba #education Subscribe to my newsletter for startup satire & dank memes: https://lnkd.in/ekGih-Hf

I launched a product. Introducing, “Is My CEO a Fraud”. Have you ever wanted to know if someone on LinkedIn is a scammer? Well now you can. Submit a LinkedIn profile and in seconds we’ll roast the account and tell you how likely they are to commit fraud on a scale of 0 to 10 SBFs. There’s a lot of great reasons to use this tool, like: - When your cousin starts selling supplements that “increase testosterone”? - When someone you used to respect launches a newsletter (big red flag) - A colleague suddenly gets really into shilling cryptos like “cumrocket” Best part is, even if someone ISN’T a fraud it'll still roast the shit out of them. So if you like my content pretty please go give us an upvote and comment on Product Hunt. For real, go wild and write LITERALLY whatever you want on product hunt. Tell people this product killed your family, or that it sent your bank details to North Korea. Check it out here: https://lnkd.in/eewtXbNk #startups #venturecapital #memes

S!avеry Software, now backed by Y Combinator - in your local sweatshop. What would really take this to the next level is if they included a feature that allowed you to execute your worst performing employee.