It’s not “just hair”

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About a month ago, I was casually scrolling LinkedIn when I came across a post from a woman I don’t know, Nicole Eppolito Spence . She shared her experience with wearing her naturally curly hair—aka the “mop of glory”—after years of straightening her hair. It made me think about how we learn to “fit the mold” of what success looks like, even at the expense of hiding our true selves. Nicole’s story was so wonderfully told and so relevant to so many, and I shared it right away.

That re-share of Nicole’s story has become one of my most engaged social media postings. So many women responded with their own stories, from concerns about going gray to avoiding racial and ethnic stereotyping or society’s beauty standards. We put so much stress and thought into how we wear our hair, and it isn’t just for aesthetic reasons. Hair can also deliver a powerful message about who we are. How does our hair affect how we show up at work and in the world? When we feel pressured to fit the mold, what does it take from us? And how can hair help us to show up as our real, authentic selves??

A short history of hair?

Throughout history, our hair has served as a symbol of identity, solidarity, rebellion, and activism. Our choice to adhere to the current standard of beauty—or not—can speak volumes. Through the years, some hairstyles became lightning rods for political and/or social issues, reflecting what was happening in our world.??

Consider the short, bobbed hair of the 1920’s, a massive departure from the long, high-maintenance hair that had dominated Western women's fashion for nearly seven centuries. At the time, bobbed hair was an indicator of feminism and individuality, and spoke volumes about the women who wore it. During the Civil Rights Movement of the 1950s and 1960s, hairstyles like Afros and braids became important symbols of Black pride and cultural identity. Civil Rights activists like Angela Davis embraced their natural hair as a political statement against systemic racism and inequality.In the present day, hair cutting has been seen as a protest for women’s rights around the world. In Iran, it is used both as a rejection of the morality police ’s mandates and a powerful historical symbol of mourning and rage.

Hair discrimination?

While we have more hairstyle choices now than ever before, many women still experience discrimination due to their hair’s texture, especially women of color. And that bias can have real implications for their professional futures. Research suggests that employees with hair textures that read as white and Eurocentric are shown preference over those with Afro-textured hair that’s more tightly curled. We have to change this.?

A 2023 study found that Black women’s hair is 2.5x more likely to be perceived as unprofessional, and Black women are all too aware of the penalties they can face at work for wearing natural and protective styles like braids, locs, and twists. That’s likely why approximately 2/3 of Black women (66%) change their hair for a job interview, most often from curly to straight. Black women with coily/textured hair are 2x as likely to experience microaggressions in the workplace than Black women with straighter hair. But straightening isn’t just damaging to the hair, it can be dangerous. Permanent hair straighteners, called relaxers, have been found to contain hazardous chemicals, and a 2022 study linked them to uterine cancer.?

Currently, hair discrimination is not prohibited at the federal level. The CROWN Act (Creating a Respectful and Open World for Natural Hair) aims to combat this, but has so far been unsuccessful (though the legislation was recently reintroduced) . Even without federal legislation, there is much we can do. Raise awareness of this issue around your office, listen to Black women’s experiences, and amplify their voices about hair discrimination. This great HBR article by Janice Gassam Asare provides more information and solid advice for leaders.?

Going gray

Since the pandemic, I’ve seen more and more women embracing their beautiful, naturally gray hair. Salon restrictions certainly contributed, but I’m pleased to see that the trend has stuck, though I’ve yet to take the plunge myself. I waffle back and forth between coloring my own hair, but the decision to go gray isn’t lightly made. In a society that places so much emphasis on youth as a standard of beauty, a full head of gray hair makes a statement.?

In the workplace, women receive mixed messages about going gray. Google “gray hair in the workplace” and you’ll find an article that calls it a “new power move” and one that warns that it may contribute to ageism . They’re written less than 6 months apart. The research indicates that both things are true. A 2022 study published in Journal of Women and Aging found that there were drawbacks—primarily being perceived as “incompetent” as a result of entrenched ageism— but that women who chose to embrace their gray hair felt more authentic. And embracing our true selves, instead of trying to squeeze ourselves into a role that doesn’t fit, is good for our wellbeing and our professional lives..

How to respond when your hair is up for discussion

Unsolicited comments on a woman’s hair can range from complimentary to discriminatory. An “I like your hair” can elicit a simple “thank you,” but what about more murky commentary? When you make a change, it’s good to have some responses in your back pocket.? How you answer depends on the relationship, situation, and your comfort level in saying something. Not all of us work in a culture or are in a position where it’s encouraged for us to speak up, so gauge your response on your own feelings of safety.?

Here are a few ideas.?

• The comeback – Years ago, I was seated across the table from a male coworker, looking down at a document. He looked astonished and blurted out, “wow, you’re starting to get gray hair.” I raised an eyebrow and quickly shot back, “And you’re already going bald.” Because we had a friendly, collegial relationship, where we could kid each other, this worked well to shut him down.?
• The refocus – When someone comments on your hair out of the blue, take a moment to refocus and move on. If it is awkward, a phrase like “moving on” or “okay, then” can move the discussion to the actual agenda.?
• The pushforward –? If the commentary about your hair turns into criticism and pushback, that’s a different conversation. “How does my or anyone else’s hair style get in the way of our work? What’s the real concern?” can force them to look inward.?
• The education – If you’ve changed your style in a big way, your coworkers may ask questions out of curiosity. If the questions are inoffensive to you, an explanation may allow you to move the conversation forward, “I decided to wear my natural hair, and I feel more myself this way. I’m still getting used to it but am happy with my new look.”

Your hair can send a powerful message about who you are, but it doesn’t define you or determine your ability to perform in your work. We all deserve to show up as the most authentic version of ourselves. How do you navigate the complications that come with women’s hair? Let me know in the comments!?

Women helping women is how we succeed. Check out my latest article for Built In, How to Be the Ultimate Girls’ Girl in the Office to learn more!

The Mirrored Door: Break Through the Hidden Barrier that Locks Successful Women in Place is now available! Winner of the 2023 NYC Big Book award, it's the perfect gift for the professional woman in your life. Click here to get your copy!?

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