Anna Barber was the first who backed me and wrote manatee a check ??
Women supporting other women is so powerful.
But honestly... I haven't always been supportive of other women.
Competitiveness is so ingrained in our culture and social norms.
And we should talk about it.
Because there is a lot of virtue signaling around 'supporting women' but not so much progress to back it up (https://lnkd.in/gRJpvq5m)
In my career, there have actually been 3 things that have held me back in supporting other women.
1. My own ego and insecurity
Everything is good and dandy when you're supporting women who have the same (or less) 'power and self-esteem' as you have. But when a woman rises above the pack, a subconscious process kicks in and we can start belittling or critiquing her. I've done it too. Why? The natural law of power balance gets disrupted (the "power dead-even rule," coined by Pat Heim). Seeing other women be successful, made me feel less successful. Now, I don't really care anymore, I just want women to win.
2. Scarcity/Zero sum mindset
Then there is this subconscious fear that there are only so many leadership positions, promotions, funds available for females. Therefore, you must win at the expense of other women. Sometimes this fear still creeps in... Also, data on this is inconclusive, but what I do know is that we are stronger together -- besides, having an abundance mindset is the way to live. Anything else is kinda miserable.
3. I wanted to appear more "like the guys"
Research shows that women at higher leadership levels tend to display more male-specific EQ competencies (e.g. assertiveness and confidence) and less female-specific EQ competencies (e.g empathy). I notice this especially in male-oriented environments (think VC, finance, sports). I personally have done this ?? and often did this to seem tough, ruthless and fit in and... to convince my male counterparts I was like them... not like other women. This one is the hardest for me to write out... because it feels so... yuck...
Understanding my own biases is so important to catching them, changing them and growing.
Because lets face, women HAVE to support women if we want to make progress.
Anyway, this is a note of appreciation to Anna Barber and all the other women who've helped along the way.
Thank you for showing the way ??