Feeling Anxious? The 3 Pillars of Positive Psychology Could Help You.

Anxiety is a serious issue in every profession. In the United States, the National Institutes of Health estimates that 31% of people will experience an anxiety disorder in their life. 

Work-related stress is even more widespread. According to the American Institute of Stress, 83% of workers suffer from work-related stress, with 25% of workers saying their job is the most stressful thing in their lives. 

While the data isn’t specific to sellers, it’s safe to say that an inherently high-pressure job, a tough economy, a rapidly changing selling environment, and many other factors mean that many sales professionals are experiencing particularly acute forms of stress and anxiety. 

 In his LinkedIn Learning course Managing Anxiety in the Workplace, Harvard Medical School Clinical Psychologist Dr. Srini Pillay shares how we can use the Three Pillars of Positive Psychology to manage our anxiety better and reduce our stress load. 

Let’s dive in and see what Dr. Pillay has to say. 

Before we begin, know there is an enormous difference between positive thinking and positive psychology. 

We’ve all been there: at our lowest moment, unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel (or any light, anywhere at all) when “that” person shares a nugget of wisdom you had never thought of: it’s all in your head. 

That’s sarcasm. 

Ridding yourself of your anxiety and stress is never as simple as thinking it away. This approach treats anxiety and stress like they are easily banished by simply looking on the bright side. 

Here’s the thing, though: Your sales quota isn’t all in your head. The rough economy isn’t all in your head. Your manager breathing down your neck isn’t all in your head. Your kid’s tuition and your mortgage payment definitely aren’t all in your head.

For sellers, the sources of anxiety and stress are usually real – and you cannot simply think them away. 

“Being positive is important, but when you’re anxious, this can be difficult,” said Dr. Pillay. “Positive psychology is a field of psychology that offers important ways to stay positive. It is different from positive thinking.”

According to Dr. Pillay, the following are the major differences between positive psychology and positive thinking:

• Positive psychology is grounded in science. 
• Positive psychology does not urge positivity all the time.
• Positive psychology recognizes that realistic or even negative thinking can be appropriate. 
• Positive psychology recognizes that traditional approaches to managing anxiety can be helpful. 

That emphasis on realism is part of what makes positive psychology a powerful tool in managing anxiety and stress. Positive psychology can help us navigate the nuances and gray areas that occur in real-life situations – but positive thinking often falls short and can even cause us harm.

“We do not necessarily want a pilot or air traffic controller to be an optimist when deciding whether to take off in a storm,” Dr. Pillay said. 

If you’re feeling caught in your own storm, positive thinking may only lead you deeper and deeper into an ever-darkening cloud. If that describes you, consider using the Three Pillars of Positive Psychology. 

The First Pillar of Positive Psychology: Proactively seek out experiences that fill up your cup. 

Lots of things in our professional life can cause anxiety: quotas, forecasting, answering emails, on and on. But hopefully, there are parts of your job that bring you joy.

Also, hopefully, there are things you do outside of work that give you joy as well. If you do these things regularly, your positivity will naturally increase, and your anxiety will naturally decrease.

The trick? Don’t wait for these positive experiences to happen on their own.

“You might deliberately plan experiences that give you this feeling rather than default to whatever comes your way,” Dr. Pillay said. 

For example, Dr. Pillay helped one client overcome her anxiety about an intensive interview process by savoring moments that she truly enjoyed, like watching the sunset. By planning and engaging in positive experiences, his client could authentically shift her mindset.

Rather than trying to change her thoughts, she increased her actual positivity. 

We all have moments where we feel like we are being crushed by the weight of the world. Positive experiences help remind us that while that weight is part of our world, it is just one part – and we can become better acquainted with the good that’s out there by having intentionally positive experiences. 

The Second Pillar of Positive Psychology: Remember what you really love about yourself. 

Anxiety and stress can cause us to focus on everything that’s wrong with the world. They can also cause us to focus on everything we see that’s wrong in ourselves.

When that happens, anxiety can become a vicious downward spiral. We feel bad, so we attack ourselves, which causes us to feel worse, which causes us to attack ourselves further – and on and on.

That’s why focusing on our positive traits is an important part of managing anxiety and stress. 

“Positive traits include courage, kindness, curiosity, cooperativeness, and other virtues, values, interests, talents, and abilities,” said Dr. Pillay. “Take time to reflect on the positive qualities that you have.”

I’ll share a personal example to help illustrate this.

At the beginning of COVID-19, I was a successful entrepreneur with a small content business. The pandemic decimated that business, and I couldn’t save it. As a result, my family experienced significant financial stress.

It is an experience that, if I let it define me, would destroy my sense of accomplishment and, even worse, blind me to the opportunities (like writing for this blog) that wouldn’t have existed if not for the setbacks I suffered. 

But that’s easier said than done. Some days, all you can see is the loss.

When all I see is the loss, I think of the day I adopted my daughter. When I need help remembering who I really am, I think of standing in a courtroom and making that commitment. 

That’s the real me.

On the other hand, my anxiety and stress are often the result of events outside my control – and we should never let anything outside our control define us. 

We all have moments where we’ve discovered a capacity for strength, courage, kindness, or generosity that we didn’t know we had. Dr. Pillay’s second pillar is all about reacquainting yourself with your hibernating hero. 

The Third Pillar of Positive Psychology: Spend time with people who bring you joy. 

Sales is full of ambitious, hard-driving, Type A personalities who love a profession where you succeed or fail based on your own ability and merit. There is a lot to admire about that mindset.

But there is significant psychological danger in being a lone wolf. When anxiety or stress sets in, a lack of support or a mindset that identifies needing others as a weakness can make your struggle that much more difficult.

That’s why relying on positive social systems is an important part of managing anxiety.

“Positive social systems include systems like friendships, family, or groups that are positive influences in your life,” said Dr. Pillay. “Spend more time with these groups to enhance the positivity in your life.”

It’s important to note that Dr. Pillay isn’t just suggesting we spend more time with friends and family. While our relationships with those groups are critical to our mental health, it’s essential to seek out positive relationships (if those aren't).

For example, you might hang out with your brother-in-law Jack. But if you’re anxious about meeting your quota, Jack’s constant negativity about the economy will only amp up your stress level.

It’s like what your mother told you: the company you keep matters. Spend time with people who bring you joy.

Additional Resources for Dealing with Anxiety

Here are a few additional resources for dealing with anxiety that you may find helpful:

• Check out the Mayo Clinic’s tips on dealing with anxiety. 
• This advice from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America provides useful coping strategies for anxiety and other mental health challenges. 
• If your anxiety or stress escalates into a full-blown panic attack, these suggestions may help. 
• Talk to someone you trust. Having someone listen is often the first step to getting a better grip when life feels like it’s getting a little slippery. 

Summary and Takeaways 

Anxiety and stress are twin demons that will haunt almost all of us in our lives and careers – especially those of us in high-pressure careers.

Like sales.  

When that happens, simply “thinking positive” usually isn’t enough. In most instances, anxiety and stress stem from real-world challenges that can’t be simply thought away.

Instead, clinical psychiatrist Dr. Srini Pillay recommends positive psychology, which itself is rooted in the need to take action. In his LinkedIn Learning course, the need to take action is separated into three distinct pillars of positive psychology.

Remember:

1. Positive psychology is grounded in taking action by engaging in behavior that promotes actually being positive, rather than simply thinking positively.
2. Proactively planning positive experiences – no matter how small they are – is essential to shifting your perspective.
3. Being positive is a lot easier when you focus on who you are rather than what is happening to you.
4. Friends, family, and co-workers can be essential to reducing your anxiety and stress – so long as they aren’t their own cause of anxiety and stress. 

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