You're supporting a struggling peer. How do you balance empathy with solution-focused guidance?

I prioritize empathy through active listening, and validation build rapport. While empathy is important, and builds a foundation, encouraging the peer to explore options and solutions is crucial. I offer practical tools and support which include resources that will be helpful we can break down the challenges presented by the peer into bite-sized steps which are more manageable and achievable. I also encourage them which can reinforce their strengths and recognizes progress. Supporting peers takes finesse. Timing, balance, Individualization, and well maintained boundaries are important through this journey. And remember, self-care is necessary to reduce burn-out!

Listening not only gives you an opportunity to show empathy it allows you to be part of the solution. I like to remind individuals that the best way to listen is to scramble the word "LISTEN" be SILENT. Be present, be supportive and after the individual feels seen and heard help them develop a SMART goal.

Validating a person's feelings while also helping them to realize where those feelings are coming from is important. Someone who is struggling is in pain, and even if that pain is due to choices that were destructive, it doesn't mean they're not suffering, and it doesn't mean that pain isn't real...but they can't stay in that space. That pain can also be an impetus to positive action. Letting them know you care, maybe sharing your own struggle, is important, because it helps them know they're not alone, giving them strength. Weighing options for making changes that might mitigate or alleviate that suffering is the goal, and presenting those options realistically and constructively while not judging the past choices makes it more palatable.

Validate their distress without passing judgement on their situation. Take the time to create a safety plan on what or who they'll contact if events happen in a way that is not in their favour/what the person wants. Spend the time to explore, discuss and document local help lines or safe havens where they can attend if they are stugling to resolve a conflict. Set and create a shared understanding also of when it is time to involve emergency services. Sit with them to setup crisis numbers in their phone and create a shared understanding of when to make these calls also. If you have a multi-diseplenary team at your disposal, preplan and validate you suggestions also.

Reflective listening and mirror and matching are key to supporting anyone in a distressed state and can support even the most escalated of individuals. They are both tools that can support you in "applying empathy" even if you are not entirely in agreement with the other parties storyline. When we can apply empathy through these techniques, we can build relationship which can support us in challenging the other parties belief (aka help them problem solve instead of drown). Once the individual has been able to full express the emotions surrounding the scenario, we can begin to use things like motivational interviewing, presuppositions, and positive action language to help them process and move into a "problem solving" state of mind.

The most important thing is to, without judgement, reflect back what you are hearing from your peer. It works better to say "i wonder i you are seeing this as an issue" rather than "here is the issue that i see". If they do agree that what they are experiencing is an issue that they want to solve, then the peer can move into helping them identity what strengths and capabilities they have in order to make the behavior change that they want.

"I know you're struggling now, but remember, it's darkest before the dawn. Keep going, you're going in the right direction." And "Call me if you need some support."

Finding specific small wins that I see during the conversation can be helpful. However, I feel that saying general kudos and pointing out strengths can derail the validation of their feelings in their current not so great experience in life. I find that the other person feels placated and not listened to anymore. As that is not how they feel. So, I prefer, "I noticed that you were able to stay regulated surg your child for 5 min and you have shared that you used to go from 0 - 60 immediately.... I see that as a win."

I think one of the most important things to remember when we suggest solutions is that the peer in front of us is a person; within the context of the peer relationship, we'll never see 100% of that person's experiences, victories, failures etc. They have likely survived much harder things than whatever we're discussing, and they will likely do so again whether or not I am in the picture. A phrase I use when a peer expresses an issue is "what have you done when this has happened in the past?" When you pair these sorts of questions with strengths-based observations, the interaction changes from "I know how to solve your problem" to "YOU know what will/won't work here better than I do" - reinforcing autonomy and safety in the relationship.

In my experience, I have found it very helpful to remind individuals that they have the pen so to say. Sometimes I will literally give them a pen so that they can have a reminder that they have the ability to write their own story. This is important as well as their story is theirs only. Often society or their diagnosis will make them feel limited, so by reminding individuals we interact with that this is their story they feel empowered. Affirming statements help remove doubt as well such as you have the pen! You can do it, now what's the first step? Progress is progress. Im so proud of you.