You’re struggling to communicate with your boss. How can you use assertiveness to get your point across?

1 Identify your rights and boundaries

Before you communicate with your boss, you need to know what you want, what you deserve, and what you are willing to accept. You have the right to express your feelings, thoughts, and preferences, as long as you do not violate the rights of others. You also have the right to say no, to ask for help, and to disagree. You need to set clear and realistic boundaries for yourself and your boss, and communicate them in a polite and firm way.

2 Use assertive language and body language

The way you speak and act can influence how your boss perceives and responds to you. You want to use language that is direct, specific, and positive, without being passive or aggressive. For example, instead of saying "I can't do this project, it's too hard", you can say "I need more time and resources to complete this project successfully". You also want to use body language that shows confidence and respect, such as maintaining eye contact, using a calm and steady voice, and avoiding fidgeting or crossing your arms.

3 Listen and empathize

Being assertive does not mean that you ignore or dismiss the other person's perspective. You want to show your boss that you are listening and understanding their point of view, even if you disagree with it. You can use active listening skills, such as nodding, paraphrasing, and asking questions, to demonstrate your interest and attention. You can also use empathetic statements, such as "I appreciate your feedback" or "I can see why you are concerned", to acknowledge their feelings and concerns.

4 Be respectful and constructive

One of the key principles of assertiveness is to respect yourself and others. You want to avoid personal attacks, insults, or accusations, as they can damage your relationship and escalate the conflict. You also want to avoid blaming, complaining, or making excuses, as they can undermine your credibility and responsibility. Instead, you want to focus on the facts, the solutions, and the benefits of your communication. You can use phrases such as "I feel", "I think", or "I suggest", to express your opinions and preferences in a respectful and constructive way.

5 Practice and prepare

Like any skill, assertiveness takes time and practice to master. You can start by practicing assertiveness in low-risk situations, such as with your friends or family, and then gradually move on to more challenging ones, such as with your boss. You can also prepare yourself for specific situations, such as asking for a raise, giving feedback, or negotiating a deadline, by writing down your main points, rehearsing your speech, and anticipating possible objections or questions. The more you practice and prepare, the more confident and effective you will become in your communication.

6 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?