You're navigating a heated office debate. How can you ensure your emotions don't derail the discussion?

One thing I've found is to examine where the high emotions are based. Is there an imbalance of power? Is one person not being fully understood? Is a bully demanding obedience? Each of these scenarios could be at play in a work setting. Being self-aware of what is behind the reactivity is crucial, and challenging in the moment. Often, taking a time out helps, even to go to the bathroom and then return, can allow one time to regain composure and address the conflict in a helpful manner. Keeping the ultimate goal for the discussion in mind (accomplishing a task, changing strategies, shifting responsibilities, etc) is also helpful. We cannot avoid conflict, but we can learn to navigate high-stress situations with grace and dignity for all.

I've talked about the importance of proper breathing before in other articles. The effectiveness of breathing cannot be overstated. It is the key to staying calm and regaining calm in the midst of chaos. I use a very simple technique: 7 counts to inhale, 1 count pause, 7 counts exhale, 1 count pause, then let go. You can do this wherever you are, in any situation. It’s an immediate signal to your mind and body to take a beat, to pause, ground yourself, and regroup.

Pratique a escuta ativa! Concentre-se em entender o ponto de vista dos outros antes de responder. Isso ajuda a desarmar a tens?o, demonstra respeito e abertura. Se necessário, pe?a uma pausa para recolher seus pensamentos, garantindo que suas respostas sejam ponderadas e construtivas.

First take a deep breath and stay mindful of your body language. Focus on the facts rather than personal feelings, and listen actively to understand all perspectives. Keep your tone calm and composed, even if others become agitated. If emotions start to rise, suggest a short break to allow everyone to regroup. By staying focused on the issue at hand and maintaining your composure, you can help steer the debate towards a constructive resolution without letting emotions derail the discussion

Listen actively by giving full attention to others‘ viewpoints without interrupting and ask clarifying questions to fully understand their positions. This approach helps de- escalate emotions and fosters a more constructive and focussed discussion.

One thing I found useful is to take brief notes during a debate. This helps you remember key points and demonstrate that you're engaged and considering the other person's perspective before responding. Actually, I don't agree with interrupting to interject your thoughts before the other person has finished speaking. It often leads to misunderstandings and can be perceived as dismissive. An example I saw was during a team meeting where one participant asked clarifying questions and paraphrased what others said before replying. This approach not only made the discussion more productive but also ensured that everyone's viewpoints were thoroughly understood and addressed.

Active listening is essential for effective leadership and negotiation. By truly listening to your colleagues, you show respect for their viewpoints and gain a deeper understanding of the issues at hand. This approach helps you craft more thoughtful responses and signals that you value their input. Take a moment to pause and reflect before responding, ask clarifying questions, and use non-verbal cues like nodding and maintaining eye contact. Practicing actve listening can diffuse tension, foster a collaborative atmosphere, and lead to more productive discusions, ultimately strengthening your leadership and team cohesion.

Effective listening is more then just hearing their words, you can also pick up gaps in training and understanding. When training & on boarding is lacking, it's easy for things to get confusing and lost. Make sure you ask for clarification and restate your understanding of the situation to improve the group. Most people are asking the same questions, but are afraid to ask. Move with purpose and good luck!

Choosing your words carefully can significantly impact the outcome of a heated discussion. Using clear, concise, and neutral language helps express your thoughts without provoking further conflict. Avoiding accusatory or inflammatory phrases is crucial, as these can trigger defensiv reactions and escalate tensions. Instead focus on framing your points around solutions rather than assigning blame. This approach not only helps in maintaining a calm and respectful tone but also steers the conversation towards constructive outcomes. By thoughtfully selecting your words, you can defuse potential conflicts and foster a more collaborative and prodctive dialogue.

I think more so than in any other field, we communicators know the power of words - what to use, when to use them, and when not to use them. When I’m in a heated discussion, I make it a point to pause before responding. Even a few seconds of silence can make a big difference in how I phrase my response. This pause gives me time to choose my words more carefully and avoid saying something I might regret later. It’s a bit like hitting the reset button - allowing the conversation to continue on a more positive note.

That's a very important point. Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining a productive and respectful work environment. By recognizing when a conversation is becoming too heated and suggesting a break or revisiting the topic later, you can help to prevent the situation from escalating and ensure that everyone can approach the issue with a calmer and more objective mindset. It's also important to remember that setting boundaries doesn't mean avoiding difficult conversations. It simply means creating a safe and respectful space where everyone can express their views without feeling overwhelmed or defensive.

Make sure that you recognize that people are the sum of their experience, most don't or can't check their bias. Which is why boundaries are so important, if you are keeping these you aren't sacrificing "too much" to the company and do not have hurt feelings regarding company decisions.

Assume the best intentions of your colleagues and try to understand any potential outside influences that could contribute to the conflict.

Empathy is certainly not easy to master—it’s a true art of communication that not everyone naturally possesses. However, even if you aren’t born with this gift, it can be developed through practice and experience. Just because you aren’t naturally empathetic doesn’t mean you never will be! I highly recommend attending in-person training sessions to immerse yourself in this skillset ??!

Après le débat, prendre un temps au calme pour ??Identifier 3 choses : 1?? Emotion(s) Qu'ai-je ressenti dans la situation ? Ex : Peur, agacement, impuissance ? 2?? Pensées Qu'est-ce que j'ai pensé ? Ex : je suis nul, je ne sais pas quoi faire, ils sont vraiment idiots de se comporter comme cela. 3?? Action Qu'ai-je fait ? Ex : je me suis tu, j'ai essayer de couper la parole pour donner mon avis, j'ai dit "calmez-vous", j'ai quitté la pièce. ??Puis se demander "si c'était à refaire, comment pourrais-je réagir au mieux ?"

Be aware and realistic about your work style & abilities. If you are faced with jealous people who constantly steal your work, ideas and perhaps think they are better/smarter then you that is THEIR issue not yours. I'm negative minded which helps me see issues, but positive faced and secure enough to let people take what they want (at work). If you aren't leadership, try and match the culture around you and offer up solutions when there's no other choice. There's always a better path if you keep moving forward. Some people have to experience for growth, and you just have to accept that.