You're having trouble sticking to your habits. What can you do to stay on track?

Your "why" is the fuel that will keep you moving toward your goals, even on days when motivation is absent. If you're not clear on your why, ask yourself these 3 questions: 1. What value do I want to deliver to the world? 2. What am I really good at? 3. What would I do even if no one was watching? If you know your why but struggle to stick to your habits, perhaps your vision lacks clarity. Answer these 3 questions to add clarity to your why: 1. How will my life change if I stick to this habit for 6 months, 1 year, 3 years? 2. What relationships do I hope to improve by sticking to this habit? 3. What pain do I hope to avoid by sticking to this habit?

Identifying your core motivation – your 'why' – is a powerful tool in maintaining consistency with your habits, especially when you encounter obstacles. This process involves delving deep into the underlying reasons that initially inspired you to adopt these habits. Understanding the larger purpose these habits serve in your life can reignite your passion and commitment to them, especially during moments of struggle or waning interest. It's about connecting the daily practice of these habits with the broader goals and values they support, providing a meaningful context that can sustain your dedication even through challenging times.

When we have continued difficulty sticking to our habits and trying to make change, then it could mean that there is something a little more sinister lurking! The saboteur can be a conflicting belief that lies deep in your subconscious mind that holds more power than the desire you have in your conscious mind. If the conflicting belief (usually created in your childhood) is linked to a strong emotion then the two conflicting beliefs will go head to head and Emotion will win against logic every single time. To prevent the conflicting belief from continually sabotaging your attempts at making change with new habits, then you must find the sabotaging belief and reframe the emotion that was linked to it.

As a psychologist, I see many people who have decided to build a habit but are not sure why they are doing that. It is a well-intentioned attempt to improve their life in some way and they start strong but slowly they lose their consistency. Often this may be because they are looking at others trying to borrow habits that may not fit into what they want to do at all. How do we know that the habit we're trying to build is borrowed? We don't know why we're doing it. We need a habit that helps us sustain a meaningful life the way we want to live it. Next time you deiced to build a habit, ask youself how this plays a big and small role in helping you move closer to your purpose in life.

When identifying your "why," it might be useful to explore the "why not" as well. Sometimes, what holds us back is our reluctance to let go of other priorities, our alternate "WHYs." For example, in the context of eating habits, we might aim to cut down on dining out (since we often consume more and make less healthy choices when eating out). However, if one of our significant WHYs is to be social and spend time with friends, this adjustment could prove more challenging. It's crucial to consider the broader picture of all our valued domains and pinpoint where frictions may arise.

James Clear’s four ‘laws’?can be an effective tool for creating a plan to establish new habits: Law 1: Make it obvious: Define a specific, visible action that you can take that will support your habit. For example, if you aim to workout each morning, lay your gym clothes and shoes out by your bed before you go to sleep. Law 2: Make it attractive Trigger your dopamine-driven reinforcement learning cycle by linking an action you need to take with an action you want to take.?For example, listen to a favourite podcast on a run. Law 3: Make it easy Choose the smallest, most simple step you can take to build momentum for your new habit. Law 4: Make it satisfying Wherever possible, try to create quick wins.

You might be trying to start a habit that's too many levels up from where you are now. If you're trying to go to the gym 5x a week but go once a month right now, you're getting ahead of yourself. Start by getting in the habit of changing into your gym outfit. That's it. There's no pressure to go to the gym, but get completely ready and stand by the door. If you want to work out at that point, do it. And if not, go change and mark off the habit for the day. The next week, show up at the gym, and the same thing; if you get there and don't want to work, don't. Often, we don't need motivation; we need momentum. Start smaller and see if those habits become easier.

Breaking down larger goals into manageable steps has made the journey less overwhelming, and incorporating rewards served as powerful motivators. This personalized approach not only enhanced habit adherence but also transformed them into integral components of a balanced and fulfilling routine.

Making a plan for your habits is like setting Google Maps for your daily life - it guides you where you need to go. Tools like apps or journals are your trusty co-pilots. Setting goals? Make them as specific as your coffee order. And rewards? Go for it! Finished that book? Time for your favorite treat (hello, chocolate!). Remember, a goal without a plan is just a wish, and who doesn’t like making wishes come true?

Identify the Trigger Points Begin with introspection. Identify those moments in your professional journey and personal life where the rationalising voice tends to overpower. It could be the hesitation to take up a leadership role at work or the recurring decision to skip a morning run. Recognising these trigger points is the first step towards addressing them. The Five-Second Rule Mel Robbins’ Five-Second Rule is a powerful tool in this endeavour. Whenever you find yourself hesitating to take action, count 5-4-3-2-1 and spring into action. This simple yet effective strategy can be the difference between giving into rationalisation and taking a step forward.

A routine is only helpful if it’s based on success habits. A rigid routine keeps us where we are, and we will not achieve the progress we are looking for. When we get disrupted in our routine, it is important that we remain flexible and look for opportunities in the disruption. Unexpected challenges might lead us to a different and better outcome. Everytime your routine is disturbed, remind yourself that you are getting out of your comfortzone. And only outside the comfortzone will you grow and advance. Keep taking action… embrace the disruption and opportunity in it.

Integrating new habits into a routine enhances their stickiness. I link new habits to existing daily activities, creating natural triggers for the behavior. For instance, coupling a meditation session with my morning routine or a reading session before bed helps in forming a consistent pattern. I also focus on creating an environment conducive to these habits, eliminating distractions and preparing necessary resources in advance. This approach reduces friction and makes the adoption of new habits feel more effortless.

Creating a routine for your habits is like building your own personal rhythm. Link them to daily cues—like meditating right after your morning alarm (which you no longer snooze) or reading before lights out (and not scrolling through your phone). It's about crafting a world where your new habits fit as snugly as your favorite pair of jeans. And hey, if it means keeping those tempting snacks out of sight, that's just smart strategy!

Routines are habits stacked one on top of another. They are easier to maintain, but harder to develop because one can't exist without the other.

I recently saw an interview with Arnold Schwarzenegger, where he suggested that when you wake up you should just go to the gym before you check your phone or do anything else. This takes discipline and motivation but it also requires planning. You have to leave all things ready for you to move fast out of the house before you get distracted. We can create similar routines that will keep us on track to reach our goals.

Support from people on shared goals fosters accountability, creates a positive environment, helps in sticking to our habits, and increases productivity. I used to play badminton alone. I was irregular. I didn't had enough motivation. One day at the mess table I asked my friends his hobbies. He said, playing badminton. I asked him why not let's play together. we started going to play every day. we refrained from fake excuses. We reminded each other and shared our milestones. when we performed badly, we motivated each other. we enjoyed it most. So, we should approach like-minded individuals and seek their support. Emotional support from people enhances consistency, significantly boosting confidence and commitment to achieving shared goals.

Accountability Partner Find an accountability partner, someone who understands your goals and is committed to seeing you achieve them. It could be a colleague who encourages you to take on challenging projects or a friend who ensures you stick to your fitness routine. Sharing your goals creates a sense of responsibility and encourages action.

Your brain will naturally sabotage your progress. It doesn't like change because change is the unknown, and that equals danger. Support helps keep you on track. It helps with the sub-conscious sabotage.

I run mastermind groups and I have found that the best way to reach your goals long-term is to be part of a group that keeps you accountable (in love) and that cares for you. The group should be full of people that genuinely care for you and want your success. I have seen many people's lives transformed by joining groups for 60 to 90 days. It's life-transforming.

Engaging with groups that share similar goals has offered valuable accountability, motivation, and insights. Additionally, having a personal support system, whether through friends or family, has strengthened my commitment.

Building habits can be flexible when you make value-based decisions around themes. For example, rather than saying “I’m gonna build this habit in 90 days,” say instead: “I’m making this one choice because it’s something I value over other choices.” And rather than saying “I’m gonna lost 50lbs this year,” focus on themes: “This year I’ll make a few more decisions that point me toward a healthier path.” These value-based choices and decisions based on themes make your process in building habits a lot more flexible. PS… don’t forget to engage in self-compassion while you’re at it. This can look like reminding yourself that you’re doing the best you can in building new habits. Self-compassion is a lifelong, and flexible skill too.

When you catch yourself struggling with a task, say to yourself that I haven't mastered it yet. Simply saying "not yet," you are training your mind of the possibilities. You understand that you are on a learning curve rather than a failure. Progress, not perfection, has been instrumental for me. It has allowed me to accept that perfection is a mythical concept and to refocus my attention on growth instead. Understand this, though. I am always striving for excellence in my daily life--personally and professionally. Do I achieve it every day? No, of course not, but I do learn something more every day--even if it is 1% more.

Embracing this flexibility has not only helped maintain consistency but also fostered resilience in the face of life's unpredictabilities. This approach ensures that habits remain sustainable and adaptable to the dynamic nature of everyday life.

Staying on track with habits requires a balance between discipline and flexibility. While a rigid approach may lead to burnout, being too lenient can hinder progress. When you decide to develop a habit, understand where that habit is going to lead you. Habits are like a journey which is going to take you to your destination. When you have that mindset, you will have the flexibility and adaptability to change your route of journey to get to your destination.

Know the difference between flexibility and the uncomfortable process of changing behaviour. Flexibility is: the ability to rearrange, make shifts, be open minded and less rigid Feeling uncomfortable is: listening to the thoughts in opposition to your goal for the sake of staying the same. Throughout the process of building a new habit - your familiar self will try and convince you why staying the same is more beneficial. This is your brain trying to protect you and keep you small. Don't buy into the familiar. Give yourself permission to continue even in the face of dicomfort.

The power of fun in habit formation cannot be overstated. Dopamine plays a complex role in our habits. Grit is great episodically, but habitually used leads to burnout. When we engage in 'fun' activities, we get a dopamine surge that reinforces the behavior. However, it's important to balance high-arousal (exciting) and low-arousal (relaxing) activities. This balance helps prevent dopamine downregulation, where we need increasingly intense experiences to feel the same level of enjoyment. The goal is to craft a lifestyle where habits are not just tasks, but pathways to joy and self-improvement, tapping into a powerful source of intrinsic motivation. This approach not only helps us stick to our habits but also enhances our overall well-being.

Changing the narrative is key! Finding fun in what you once found mundane or even painful is a game changer to create lasting change. When we begin to assign pleasure to our habits we are more likely to stick to them. People who retrain themselves to enjoy are more likely to stick to it!

Fall in love with who you are becoming. Learn to ride the rough seas with the smooth. Will it feel easy? No. Growth comes with growing pains. Enjoying the process of overcoming your outdated behavioural patterns to create new ones is where true change happens. Take time to pause and review progress, this provides extra motivation on the journey.

Habits are an unconscious way of living so ideally, every task should be out of awareness. I once heard that in Japan, people are encouraged to perform the same tasks daily, which initially seemed monotonous to me. However, I later realized that conscious effort transforms each instance of the same task into a unique experience. While going to exercise daily may seem routine, breaking it down into individual aspects makes it feel distinctly different. By maintaining consciousness, everything unfolds with full awareness. While we've all grown up with habits, shifting our mindset to being conscious about every activity. In a day look at how many moments you lived in awareness and how many as a habit and it did not even register.

The same routine, same thoughts, and the same habits bring us the same outcomes. This can be very frustrating because most people work hard and get the same mediocre results over and over again. They have no big breakthroughs, and their success does not correlate with their efforts. If you want different outcomes, identify one thing that you could do today to interrupt your autopilot / routine. For example, do something new, something in a different way, change a routine or start/stop something you always wanted to do. Different actions bring different results. Change one routine / habit at a time.

If I am ever having trouble sticking to habits , this one trick has helped me the most. I surround myself with people who regularly do this habit and almost think it’s weird not to do it. Changing your environment and the people you surround yourself is a life hack not many speak about.

There are two other really important practices to incorporate into building habits. The first is to track your habits. For example, earlier this year I began building a daily habit of getting 10K steps every day. I create a spreadsheet to input my step count every day which also calculated my weekly and monthly average. This allowed me to actually SEE my progress, and being able to see your progress creates momentum and motivation to continue. This other important piece to this is celebrating every little victory along the way. In the book 'Tiny Habits' by BJ Fogg, he writes that creating the winning feeling is absolutely essential to internalizing a habit and getting it to stick.

Conviction is the secret ingredient. If you truly believe in the cause (the "why"), you realign yourself even if you miss a few times. Personally, there have been many unsuccessful attempts to cultivate habits, but in the long run, only those habits survived for which I had real conviction and belief in their results.