I agree with these comments and the first step is to understand the importance of timing. Feedback requires giving and receiving and typically, people are more ready to give feedback and not emotionally ready to receive it. Ill-timed feedback at importuned times may make matters worse. The second piece to this is location and delivery. No matter how good the feedback may be, delivering it in places that may be public or even virtually instead of one-on-one may not be helpful. Delivering in a caring and empathetic manner always signal compassion. Lastly, if you are always the giver of feedback and never a recipient of it indicates that you may need to reconsider your circles and network. We should never be beyond that point. Ever.

Approaching them in an overly direct or confrontational manner will only exacerbate the problem, causing them to further shut down and become entrenched in their defensive behaviors. Instead, effective strategies involve building trust, offering praise and encouragement, and providing feedback in a non-threatening, collaborative way. Taking the time to understand each person's unique triggers and communication preferences can also help managers find the right tone and approach. With patience and the right techniques, even the most defensive employees can learn to be more open-minded, receptive to guidance, and willing to grow and improve.

When engaging with a defensive colleague in the educational sector, I prioritize fostering a sense of shared purpose and mutual respect. I start by acknowledging their contributions and dedication, ensuring they feel valued and understood. Rather than highlighting shortcomings, I frame our conversation around opportunities for growth that support our collective mission to enrich student experiences and advance academic excellence. By approaching feedback as a collaborative journey, I aim to transform defensiveness into openness, emphasizing that our focus is on mutual progress and the empowerment of our institution’s goals.

I would not want to even try offering feedback or suggestions until I had established the reason for the apparent defensive behaviour.