You're dealing with a difficult colleague. How can you manage the situation with emotional intelligence?

When we work within organizations to name emotions, we also teach individuals to rename emotions, especially in situations with difficult people when our emotions are heightened. Renaming emotions is when you name your emotion but use a slightly less heightened word because we tend to go high when naming. For example, I'm furious at Debbie because she interrupted me during the meeting. What word feels less extreme but still aligns with our feelings. Maybe it's, I'm annoyed, I'm frustrated, or I'm disappointed. We want to move our own energy from a catabolic state to an anabolic state, but do so realistically.

Self-awareness is a foundation. Identifying our inner perceptions first can help us see the situation more clearly and opens up space for compassion and curiosity. If we want to be effective in this intent, we need to stand in our power - not swimming in our feelings and judgments.

I've been working in an industry that's fast-paced, high energy and demanding for over a decade. What I have learnt over the years is that when working in a stressful situation, always stay mindful and keep your emotions in check in the workplace! One of my go-to tools is practising meditation regularly (e.g. daily). This does wonders for the mental state. Even if it's just 10 minutes a day helps :) Alternatively, another option is to take yourself out of the environment to grab some fresh air outside of the office even if it's just for a few minutes. This helps to clear the mind, recalibrate mentally and reassess the situation outside of the stressful environment. Most importantly, one must stay calm, centered, conscious and present!

Something I always remind myself is that people do things for a reason, whether consciously or not. Even if these actions aren't always right, they might not be done with intention. Rather than retaliate, take a moment to think about what brought them to this point, whether it's early experiences, health, life events, culture, and reflect on why they might be responding this way. If the behaviour is not appropriate for the workplace, this is the time be empathetic and EDUCATE. We cannot assume that everyone knows what we do. Sometimes people need time and guidance to learn what to do. We all start somewhere.

Show understanding and empathy towards your colleague's perspective, acknowledging their feelings and concerns. By demonstrating empathy, you can build rapport and foster a more collaborative working relationship, leading to better conflict resolution.

Building healthy relationships with colleagues requires the important skill of listening and practicing compassion. Put yourself in that person's situation and act with kind actions. Be conscious of the energy, words and physical approach you convey. e.g. Offer to help if they're overwhelmed, share professional advice or maybe just listen if all they need is someone to lend an ear. Read the situation. With open-ended questions and discussions, help to identify the problem and work together constructively on options for the best solutions. Be a supportive presence.

Oftentimes we have expectation manuals for other people or situations without realizing it. Manuals are not negative in and of themselves, but when they're in play without all parties knowing and agreeing, that's when conflict can arise. For example, you may be expecting behavior they don't know is required or desired. Before you communicate with your difficult co-worker, examine whether or not you have a manual of expectations for them or the situation. Is it reasonable? Communicate your needs and expectations in a way treats the other person with respect and dignity. When you share your perspective without judgement, they will also be more open to hearing what you have to say so you can come to a mutual agreement on a way forward.

This person is in the company for a reason and it is struggling. When we communicate, I have found that two rules apply and work really well. 1. I sentences like suggested above. Our observations and experiences. 2. Focus on the problem, not the person. If we want this person to stay, it is important to recognize the value they bring to the company. Seeking their feedback as well, realizing what is important to them, what bothers them by active listening and curiosity. This way you can find reasons behind the unwanted behaviour and address those to achieve positive change.

Always be respectful when communicating and share how you feel about the situation with words like 'My impression of ...'. Be aware to never blame, and never be rude or dramatic. Highlight the positives, lay out the facts and asses together a solution and ignore the emotional dramas. Most importantly always be professional.

Seek solutions collaboratively, focusing on constructive dialogue and problem-solving rather than personal conflicts. By fostering a positive and solution-oriented approach, you can address challenges effectively while maintaining professional relationships.

I think we've all heard that learning is a lifelong journey. But something that's helpful to think about is how you can learn from every experience, regardless of whether it's pleasant or not. Some questions I think about when I reflect on situations: 1) Did I learn new knowledge? 2) Did I explore new or shift existing perspective? 3) Did I build on existing skills (including hard and soft)? Learning isn't limited to what is in a textbook. It's also out there in the world that we're experiencing and living.

View the situation as an opportunity for personal and professional growth, striving to understand and learn from the challenges presented by the difficult colleague. By adopting a growth mindset, you can develop resilience and enhance your emotional intelligence, ultimately transforming adversities into valuable learning experiences.

Reach out to trusted colleagues, mentors, or a supervisor for guidance and support in navigating the challenging dynamics with your difficult colleague. Collaborate with them to brainstorm strategies and solutions, leveraging their insights and perspective to manage the situation with emotional intelligence.

It's usually a mix of the above points to deal with a difficult colleague: 1. Observe their actions that bothers you. 2. Have usual conversations with them on and off for a few days, which helps you understand them or their situation (in most cases). 3. This eventually calms you down because you don't take it personally and they also don't bother you as much. 4. Finally address what bothered you and things will bloom while they will also learn a few long term soft skills.