Your team member refuses to listen to feedback. How can you get through to them effectively?

Building trust is fundamental when dealing with a team member who resists feedback. I’ve found that resistance often stems from a lack of security in the relationship. To address this, it’s crucial to show consistent, reliable support and make it clear that you’re invested in their growth, not just the outcomes. Actively listening to their concerns and sharing your own experiences can create the trust needed for honest, open conversations.

Building trust is crucial, and it's a two-way street. Consider this to complement the existing advice: Be consistently authentic in your interactions. Share your own experiences with receiving and implementing feedback, including times when you initially struggled. This vulnerability can create a powerful connection. As Brené Brown aptly says, "Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change." Additionally, focus on creating psychological safety within your team. When team members feel safe to take interpersonal risks, they're more likely to be open to feedback. Remember, trust is built in small moments over time, so be patient and persistent in your efforts.

If this team member is a peer, it's one thing. But if you are their supervisor and they're not accepting the feedback, this is a performance issue that needs to be addressed clearly. I'd start by making sure they understand the impact, the consequences of their behavior and actions, and any barriers for them to put the feedback into practice.

In my experience, addressing a team member who refuses feedback starts by building trust, demonstrating genuine concern for their development, and listening to their perspective. Show that your feedback aims to support their growth, not criticize. Emphasize personal accountability by explaining how their actions impact not only their own results but also the team and organization. Highlight both positive outcomes from improvements and negative consequences of ignoring feedback. By fostering a trusting relationship and clarifying the broader implications of their performance, you can encourage openness to feedback and drive better results.

It's important to consider that the only person who can change behaviour is the person the feedback relates to. Any actions should be authored and agreed by the person who needs to adapt. Also remember that the way you like to receive feedback is not the same for everyone else. Consider the way the person perceives their workplace experiences. Do they concentrate on the here and now? Are they future focused? Or do they tend to always refer to the past? Provide feedback to the person in a way that resonates with them. Use a model that relies on factual evidence - I like the SBI model (Situation Behaviour Impact) to help formulate feedback in a way that invites adult-to-adult conversation.

Imagine you're chatting with a team member over coffee ?, talking about weekend plans. As the conversation flows, you might say, “By the way, I’ve noticed how dedicated you’ve been to the project—really impressive! One thing that might help you shine even more is to focus a bit more on time management. ?? It’s a small tweak, but I think it could make a big difference in how smoothly everything runs. What do you think?” Delivering formal feedback in an informal setting like this makes it feel like friendly advice, making it easier for them to accept and act on. ?? Do you agree?

Personalizing your approach to feedback is crucial for effectiveness. I always take into account each team member’s unique personality and work style. While some may prefer direct and clear feedback, others might benefit from a more nuanced approach. By tailoring your feedback to fit their preferences and choosing the right moment, you make it more relevant and constructive, rather than just critical.

Personalising your approach is crucial and can be enhanced by considering the broader context of your team's work life. Consider the concept of 'job crafting', introduced by Amy Wrzesniewski and Jane Dutton. This involves employees redesigning their jobs to foster engagement, job satisfaction, resilience, and thriving. When giving feedback, discuss how the suggested changes could help the team member craft their job in a way that's more fulfilling for them. Additionally, consider their learning style. Some people prefer visual aids, others learn by doing, and some need time for reflection. Tailor your feedback delivery to match their preferred learning style, making it easier for them to absorb and act on the information.

I often see this with the teams I support and dealing with it can take time and effort. Here’s a simple approach I would use: Often, the most critical question that gets missed is asking them how they prefer to receive feedback—sometimes, that’s all it takes to break through. Don’t just assume it’s how you like receiving it. Then, hear them out and let them share their side. Be specific with examples and explain how their actions impact the team or project. Work together on a solution, next steps, clear expectations, and accountability. Just remember, a little tweak in how you give feedback can really make a difference.

Instead of merely pointing out areas for improvement, engage the team member in a discussion about how to address the feedback together. This collaborative approach fosters ownership and empowers them to be part of the solution, rather than feeling singled out.

Ensuring clarity in your intent behind feedback is key to overcoming resistance. Make sure your team member understands that the feedback is meant to support their growth, not to criticize them personally. Explain how their actions affect the team and the organization's goals. By positioning feedback as a part of their contribution to a larger purpose, you shift the focus from individual flaws to collective success.

Clarifying intent is crucial, and ensuring that this clarification is a two-way process is equally important. After explaining your intent, ask your team member to articulate their understanding of the feedback in their own words. This technique, known as 'reflective listening', can reveal any misinterpretations and provide an opportunity for immediate clarification. Furthermore, the feedback should be framed within the team members' goals and aspirations. Ask them, "How do you see this feedback helping you achieve your professional objectives?" This aligns the feedback with their personal motivations, making it more likely to be embraced rather than resisted. Remember, the goal is to create a shared understanding and purpose.

Don't take that resistance as a diss on your expertise - it may simply need a clarifying boost of understanding! Tenderly ensure your mentee knows the feedback is coming from a place of nurturing their individual talents, not critiquing their character. Break it down how their unique strengths are beautiful threads in the greater goals you're all stitching together as a team.

Misunderstandings can often lead to resistance, so it's important to ensure your team member understands the purpose behind the feedback. Clarify that the feedback is not about criticizing them as a person but about helping them grow and succeed in their role. Explain how their actions impact the team and the organization's objectives. By framing feedback within the context of their contribution to a larger goal, you shift the focus from individual shortcomings to collective success, making it more meaningful and encouraging a positive response.

Support your feedback with concrete examples of the behaviour or action you're addressing. Use "I" statements to express your observations and avoid sounding accusatory.

Here are three ways to offer support and promote receptiveness: Provide Resources: Offer practical resources, training, or mentorship that empower team members to develop the necessary skills and make the required adjustments. Demonstrating that you're invested in their growth helps build trust. Actionable Plan: Collaborate to create a structured plan with clear steps and achievable goals. This roadmap makes the development process more manageable and focused, alleviating feelings of being overwhelmed. Regular Check-ins: Schedule consistent check-ins to track progress, discuss challenges, and celebrate successes. Establishing a supportive environment enables team members to embrace feedback more openly.

Fostering ownership can make feedback more effective. Encourage your team member to reflect on their performance and identify areas for improvement. When they recognize their own need for growth first, they’re more receptive to external feedback. Involvement in their development process boosts their commitment to making positive changes.

Encouraging ownership is a powerful way to shift perspectives on feedback. To build on this idea, consider implementing a system of 'feedforward' rather than just feedback. Marshall Goldsmith introduced this concept, which focuses on suggestions for the future rather than criticism of the past. Ask your team member, "If you could change one aspect of your work to be more effective, what would it be?" This approach puts them in the driver's seat of their own development. Additionally, introduce the concept of a personal board of directors. Encourage your people to seek feedback from a diverse group of colleagues they respect. This multi-faceted approach can make feedback feel less personal and more constructive.

To get through to a team member who resists feedback, consider turning your follow-up into a collaborative journey. Instead of merely revisiting past points, approach each meeting as an opportunity to co-create solutions together. Start by acknowledging any steps they've taken, and then shift the conversation towards their ideas for improvement. You might say, "I appreciate your efforts so far—let’s brainstorm together on how we can tackle any remaining challenges. What changes do you think could make the most impact?" By involving them in the process and celebrating even small wins, you transform feedback into a shared path forward, fostering ownership and openness to growth.

I would always close these meetings by reaching a shared understanding how follow up will happen. What is my role, their role, what is the communication style i.e. email, meetings, phone or Zoom. What is the best cadence for the follow up. Is is soft i.e. how are you, or is is hard i.e. where are you up to with the improvements we have agreed. How do we deliver bad news? Consequences and Doughnuts.