You Care Too Much
I’ve been hankering for a new Metallic Blue Toyota 4Runner for a couple of years now.? I’ve always bought whatever car I want, but this last time, I decided to be “practical and economical” and have regretted it ever since.
My mind says, “You settled, Mark.”? “This car doesn’t suit you.”? “You work hard and deserve to drive what you want.”
What my mind really means is “You will feel better/different/taller/more handsome/powerful/successful (insert adjective of the day) when you are sitting up high in those brown leather seats.”
My friend Christina Berkley teaches (In her powerful ?Intelligence Action Mastermind Business Building Course): “As soon as you think that something out there will change what’s in here, you’ve lost.”
I know this.? I teach this.? But it doesn’t stop me from wanting the new Movado Bold Fusion Black and White watch that I saw on Instagram. It now comes up on every feed because I clicked on it and can’t get away from it.?
My rationale is, “I have a $35,000 gold watch (too much for casual) and I have a great casual Citizen Watch (too plain for meetings)... I need a watch that will make me feel X.”
I am not saying that the 4Runner or the Watch are bad or that I should not have them.? If you know me, I will have them sooner than later… I am saying, that if I think a car or a piece of jewelry is going to make me feel/be a certain way, I will be sorely disappointed… and out the $$.
The same is true for that job or promotion.? In fact, it is true for the raise, having your idea implemented, getting the credit, being right, etc. etc. etc. It is especially true if you really, really care. Like you can’t sleep, catastrophize, ruminate, lose your cool, kind of care.
If you care more than 3 or 4 on a scale of 10, it probably is not about the thing… it’s about the thing under the thing that you care about.? You are attaching your personal worth, vanity, insecurity, and ambition to something that is not personal. It feels personal, but it’s not. Your caring too much makes you not “ok.”
Passion and enthusiasm are great, but this is not that. I’m pointing to that feeling (not unlike a kid staring at a toy) that makes you NOT OK.? When you are not ok, you do not perform at your best!
Here’s the deal: -Your worth, happiness, self-esteem, value, and well-being are one thing. -Your promotion, wealth, prestige, and success is another.
You can’t fix the first by working on the second. Ironically though, working on the first… makes the second way more fun (and attainable).
I WANT YOU TO BE SUCCESSFUL!? SUPER F-CKING SUCCESSFUL!!!? More importantly, I want you to thrive, and feel fulfilled and satisfied.
Exercise for the Week: Notice
Notice when you are out of sorts. If you get angry, if something happening feels like “life and death.”
If the feeling is above a 3 or a 4 on a scale of 1-10, take a breath and stop.? Ask yourself “What am I all worked up about?”? “What is this really about?”? Hint - “how does this scare me?”
Take a walk, journal, talk to someone.? Once you unhook the thing that makes you CARE SO MUCH, you will go back calm, creative, and with fresh energy to address the issue.
If you want a crash course from someone who says it better than I, This Week’s Video/Audio is a life changer:??
“Nothing out there fixes what’s wrong in here.”
Book of the Week :
"Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life" by Gary John Bishop
Yup - this from the Amazon Description:? Joining the ranks of The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, You Are a Badas*, and F*ck Feelings comes this refreshing, BS-free, self-empowerment guide that offers an honest, no-nonsense, tough-love approach to help you move past self-imposed limitations.
Mind games take time and energy and rarely lead to results.? Gary John Bishop is hilarious, irreverent, and most of all, not wrong about any of it!
This Week on The Rising Leader Podcast
Episode 089 | Craig Dowden Discusses Leadership Excellence and the Role of Positive Psychology
You’ve probably felt the immense stress that comes with work and life in today’s incredibly complex world. We’re all searching for ways to effectively navigate this VUCA (Volatile, Uncertain, Complex, Ambiguous) landscape. In this episode, I delve into positive leadership with our guest Craig Dowden, Ph.D. , to explore how we can shine as leaders and achieve exceptional results while positively impacting those around us.”
●? The differing schools of thought in leadership: operational excellence vs. positive leadership.
●? Why positive leadership is increasingly vital in a VUCA world.
●? Practical steps for mastering mindset and resilience to elevate leadership effectiveness.
●? The challenging but essential skill of receiving feedback and turning criticism into growth.
●? Craig’s personal story of being a coach who received tough feedback about listening and used it to improve.
●? Understanding the concept of allostatic load and its impact on leadership.
●? The genius of the 'and': integrating excellence with compassion and empathy.
●? Authentic leadership is defined as aligning behaviors with values and beliefs for true impact.
That’s it.
Lots of love, and have a great rest of the week.
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- Mark?